In-game app purchases (IAPs), mainly in the form of loot box gambling, gachapon, or whatever else you call it, seems to have been getting more exposure in the mainstream media lately, and for good reason. But for all the noise and chatter about addictions and targeting vulnerable people, the media seems to have glossed or even skipped over some other shitty aspects of IAPs and how they negatively impact the player experience that I want to rant about today.
I assume that all of these big "social" games with IAPs use some sort of behavioral analyzing technology to try to figure out how best to rip us players off and throw money away on one of their IAPs. If a game doesn't, then the company behind that game isn't trying their best to optimize their revenue streams. And if a game does, then it (and the company) should be capable of figuring out what's the likelihood of a certain player making an IAP, target the ones who are throwing their money away, and leave alone those who aren't and have no reason to. I'm one of those folks who have never made an IAP and should be left alone. But corporate dipshits think otherwise, so I say let's look at some personal metrics.
In the social casino app "1 Fake Fortune Plus 1388 Bankruptcies"*, I have to deal with a fucking pop-up almost every time I open up the app asking me to make an IAP before I even pick out a slot machine. Today's special "deal" happens to be 3.15 billion bullshit coins for USD$99.99... are you fucking kidding me, dipshit game company? The max bet you have on any of your games in this app is 3/4ths of a billion bullshit coins, so you're telling me that a max bet is almost $25 of real money? A fake wager with fake coins with no possible real payout (just more fake coins for a winning spin) and you believe it's worth $25? Come on, dumbass! And here's the kicker: I've already accumulated well over 600 billion of your bullshit coins and I could easily will my way into being a fake-ass trillionaire if I wanted to because your app design is crap! So, dipshit game company, you can bet your candy ass that I will NEVER make an IAP. Why do you continue to waste your effort and my time on a bullshit la-la land event that's never going to happen?! Save us both the headaches and just let me experience the machines in peace while you go after someone else who is more willing to be fleeced. Come back only after you're willing to give me 100 SBD with every $100 bullshit coin package purchase! Then I'll think about (and probably make) that IAP you so fucking covet. Better yet, why don't you, the fucking dumbass game company buy out my stack of fake coins instead? You established that there's supposed to be some real value to it, now back it up! Oh that's right, you can't because (1) you'd run afoul of federal laws and (2) you'd have to do this for other players too and you'd go bankrupt.
And if you thought that app was fucked up, wait until you hear about the social casino app that I call "Crackpot Insolvency Rave"*. To their credit, they aren't as pervasive on the fucking pop-ups, but golly, they still come up too often and their special "deals" are even more bullshitty and cringeworthy than in 1FF+1388B. The max bet possible anywhere in this app is 3 billion bullshit coins, and today's "sale" is 1.3 billion bullshit coins for USD$99.99. That's right, by this app's fucked-up valuation measures one fake max bet with fake coins should be worth over $230 in real cash. Seriously?! I don't think there's enough expletives in the world to describe just how wrong that is. My bullshit balance (and that of probably hundreds if not thousands of other players too) on this app already makes me a fake-ass multi-trillionaire. What kind of use could I possibly have for 1.3 billion bullshit coins? Has your behavioral analysis tech been completely unable to comprehend the fact that I will NEVER need to buy more bullshit coins? Hell, even an old trillion-dollar bill from Zimbabwe has more legit value than this. (SMH...) So again, just leave me alone unless you're willing to pay me 100 SBD with every $100 purchase of counterfeit coin! Save your effort and my time, will you?!
All this junk and bullshit was with just 2 of the more visible and popular social casino apps out there. So you take the genre as a whole (and heck, even all social games as a whole) and try to imagine what kind of fucking IAP cesspool it is. Yuck.
*Not the actual name of the app, but I left enough clues in how I renamed it so you can probably figure out what it is.