I've always been interested in building things.
Whether it's building a fort as a kid or building a side business as an adult, I love the process of creating.
I love every stage of it. From that moment a new idea hits me, to pondering how to execute that idea, to the daily grind of making it happen. It's become almost a meditative experience for me. It puts me at ease and lets me focus and drown out all of the noise from the rest of my life.
For most of my life, though, I've almost felt obligated to constantly be creating new things, and to cling to that new thing no matter what.
Perhaps it's just been a sort of addiction to the creative process, and I'm always looking to achieve that feeling again. Regardless of why, I often end up stressing about that process.
I get frustrated with myself for not coming up with new ideas that I really like. I get depressed when I know that my idea isn’t working or that an area of study isn’t quite for me. I feel like I’m stuck in a toxic relationship with the idea.
Nowadays, I'm learning to let myself flow more.
I'm focusing more on staying actively engaged with my world, feeding myself new information, exposing myself to new art forms and ideas. I'm learning to spend more time daydreaming and caring less what people think of how I spend my time.
I spend more time exploring, and less time worrying about the fact that other people think I’m getting lost.
A lot of people think that I'm a quitter. I disagree.
I think I'm spending my time trying a lot of things, and committing to the few that feel like they really matter.
If I have tried out a new idea, pursuit or area of interest and discovered it isn't for me, then what is the point of pushing myself through something that I'm not meant to do?
If I only pursued a few things that 'made sense' to everyone else, would I have discovered the few things that matter to me now?
Now, instead of forcing myself to create new ideas or to stick with something that just isn't for me, I'm learning to flow. If something interests me, then by all means I will run headlong into it and give it everything I’ve got.
But that doesn't mean continuing to run when it's time to walk, or maybe when it's time to turn around and go back.
Once you've explored that path, it has taught you everything it can. If the path ends there or you don't want to continue on it, there's no shame in abandoning it.
But the only way to know whether it's for you or not is to try.
Now that I've eliminated the shame in abandoning a path that doesn't feel right, I feel much more secure in trying new paths. If I'm not stuck on a path forever, then there's no harm in taking a look.
Creativity, learning and working on new projects comes much more easily now. I've let go of other people's expectations and my own biases about commitment, so I can flow from one idea to the next. I can explore, learn and try new things freely.
It’s liberating.
I’m continually working on this, but I’ve made a lot of progress so far and I feel like that is something to be proud of.