Rat Tails From the Crypto-Gang

[d1rtybird]

I wanted to join and move up the ranks of a notorious organized gang. My first choice was to join the Crips but after much research I decided I was not a good fit for the Crips because if I joined them I would no longer be allowed to wear my favorite red pro-wing sneaks.

The Blood Gang seemed to be perfect fit. If I joined the Bloods I could proudly wear my "wings" but there was a major set back when I learned that I would no longer be allowed to "Crip Walk" dance with my Pro-Wing shoes. If I could not be allowed to Crip walk then what was the point of owning a pair of wings? I grew exhausted of all these whack rules and regulations in the Bloods and Crips gangs.

I shared my troubles with a close friend who wishes to remain anonymous so we'll call him "Shmichael Chadley" or "Chad". Chad came over and told me about a secret gang that was so secret they only communicate with encrypted gang signs. He was a member of the quietly notorious "Crypts" gang and told me I too could be a member. The requirement to join was to own a computer with encryption drive. I ordered my system on Amazon and within a few days I even was baptized with the name of "Two-Bit" in honor of my favorite gangster from the book "The Outsiders" by S.E. Hinton (a magnificent read). The day I got jumped into the "Crypts" gang we snapped a polaroid photo to commemorate the event.

Chad is on the left throwing up a cryptic gang sign. I'm standing to his left wearing my favorite striped short shorts, In the center is the homie "Juice Box" the rapper and thug. Juice wears a fanny pack in which he keeps a loaded pistol and a boxed grape juice (you'd be surprised how many items you can put in that fanny pack". Juice spits the juiciest rhymes and he gets his inspiration from sitting on "Rico's" lap (Rico is the Puerto Rican guy wearing a yellow tank top). Rico whispers rap lyrics in Juice's ear and in return Juice's mom packs an extra grape juice box in the fanny pack. The guy on the right wearing white sneakers was a total stranger at the time the photo was taken. He was walking by and we asked him if he would be kind enough to snap a photo of us and it turns out he works at the Sears family photo studio and he taught us how to set the timer on the camera. Since we didn't need him to snap the photo we asked him if he'd like to be in our picture to which he obliged. We asked him if he's like to join our secret gang and Juice tried to sit on his lap but he said he was on break from his job at Sears and an important family photo shoot was about to go down at 1pm. He took down our pager numbers and promised to page us after his shift was over. He never gave us a name but as he walked away we noticed some embroidery on the back pocket of his jeans and it read "D-Money" in light blue stitching. We left the park and headed back to the inner city and we got strength in numbers now so you Crips and Bloods better duck out the way because the Crypts are the New Kids on the Blocc!!

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