im determined to become an underground legend, thats my aim lol
we do have some really good convos on here man, i dont see myself suffering from any of this cognitive decline thats supposed to happen you with schizophrenia which has me thinking it mightve just been repeated drug induced psychosis which i went though, which hopefully means i can get off these meds im on in the coming years, something ive already started doing now , but ill be in the same boat as you cuz i can enjoy beer and coffee and all right now on this high dose of xeplion and abilify (antipsychotics) but might have to eliminate it all in the future or risk going into psychosis again.
its really interesting you mentioned depersonalization states cuz i have experienced them too, where ive just blacked out but been still talking away with no memory of what i was saying! it freaks me out bigtime.
youve got a good view of the cycle your repeating and what to do about it man, i hope you manage to get away from it! i had to say goodbye to any kinds of drugs when i realised i would just get drug induced psychosis from them so that keeps me away from them thinking of the pain and torment id have to go through for months if i was to do them,
but i remember the depression of wake and baking everyday too when the tolerance builds up and your not getting as high anymore. i would say you know, if i could do drugs i would do them in moderation every now and again but limit it like. life is always about havin fun too but if its causing you depression its not really worth it. its just really easy to stay away from when its a question of sanity or insanity for me , maybe you need something like that to help you too like if you contemplate what itll do to you maybe.
Yeah, an underground legend, where it's really at... You know, anymore it's like if the act has major support, I don't bother looking listening to it, all the majors sound the same to me anymore!
I am absolutely sincere about you're being as deep and lucid as the brightest of the 'normies' no cognitive decline at all my friend. Well for one thing, they seem to want to put patients on a prescription way before they can determine if just talk therapy would work over time. Then patients get into a pattern or a dependence, actually the doctors seem to be depending that they can't take the patient off the meds without something bad happening. Of course pharma companies do a great business this way!
Shit as simple as Mono Sodium Glutemate MSG practically in every snack food, especially Doritos can overexcite neurons in highly sensitive individuals. Once again, it's like the world doesn't accept high functioning individuals like we read in history. In the present day, a more useful workforce if everybody is average and happy about it, easily replaceable parts in the machine! So the world pathologizes exceptional individuals.
So wtf we going to do as exceptional and 'over-excitable' individuals?... I learned a lot by reading this cat, Kazimierz Dąbrowski who treated highly gifted 'misfits' and 'troubled' folks alike, and he saw the difficult times in life as being something necessary to achieve meaning or self-actualization and he called it, 'Positive Disintegration', related to what I said in the previous paragraph about not fitting in the narrow definition that society tries to box one into.
For me depersonalization doesn't come with blackouts or amnesia, though I hear that is some folks' experience, for me more as a numbness and my consciousness 'floating above or behind' my head, more or less just witnessing my body going through the traumatic situation more than having any agency over my body while in the situation, a strong sense of not belonging there, that sort of thing. But I do remember the events, quite vividly, though.
They say 'anything in moderation isn't bad for you' ... But if it makes you completely lose it even in small doses, whatever it is, then definitely stay away from it! I'm wondering about health benefits of weed since they seem to be talking them up these days, versus like you hit the nail on the head exactly the tolerance build up and depression cause it ain't getting me high ... or if it's just a coping mechanism, and once I deal with the shadow by bringing it into my conscious, I won't even need to cope ... (or have fun ?!! ;-) Guess it depends on social use versus wake and bake all day long, alone, which would do it to anyone!