What a great post @meditationmann. Really good work mate.
I love this post because I can relate to pretty much everything that is said. It stirred up in me lessons I have learned but forget to focus on and made me look at some things from new perspectives.
We separate from the part of ourselves that experienced this trauma in order to be able to survive because it is the only thing we know how to do.
Man, how true this is! Speaking from experience, when I experienced trauma as a child, it forced certain dichotomies to rise up. In my limited way of thinking, I thought either the people who are supposed to protect me are incapable and deeply flawed, or there is something deeply flawed within me. Safety is paramount for children, so we prioritize keeping our guardians blameless. That forces the issue inward. It must be me. I must be defective. The next step is to take those broken pieces, bury them deep, and never look back.
The relationship between trauma and triggers fascinates. I had a therapist once describe them as 10-2 reactions. Something happens that should warrant a level 2 reaction, but I respond with a forceful 10. What the heck? It is literally like that thing takes you all the way back to the origination of the wound.
Our emotions are what makes us humans; embrace them!
Amen. I don't know if the massive suppression of emotions is exclusively a male experience, but it is very clear the culture actively discourages boys from being emotional. What a scandal.
Instead of seeing ourselves for our true divine potential, we begin to see our identity as our darkness.
^That is a powerful truth right there. Yes, we must go through the darkness (I call it the wasteland), but it is also dangerous. While burying the emotions is a terrible coping mechanism, it does provide some shelter from the heavy feelings. Diving head first into that space and tearing down all of those walls can easily send us into spirals. Negative acting out can actually increase as we start to do this work. It usually gets worse before it gets better.
I think that is why it is so important to have a community that walks with you. Ultimately, this is your journey and no one else can do the work of walking through your darkness. But their love and companionship will go with you and help keep you safe.
I think I should wrap up this ramble! I really liked your post and thanks for sharing your insights!
Cheers,
Sam