(video at the end of the article)
Some years ago I became interested in a very special personal development niche: the dating/PUA niche.
For those of you who don't know, PUA stands for Pick Up Artist(s). Yeah. I will let you recover from laughter.
It is really hard for a guy to admit (especially to himself) that he's got dating problems, in the sense that women see him only as the super nice, friend-only type of guy. In other words, a satellite.
Admitting this to oneself is usually a blow to the ego. It affects a man's self esteem and self image. Admitting this to his buddy friends is a hit to his social status.
Well, back in 2007, most of my dates usually ended up with a pat on the back and on a very lucky day, a kiss on the cheek.
By some sort of magical miracle, I got lucky back then and found a girlfriend. The caveat?
She was not the right person for me. Not from a million miles she wasn't. But I was so afraid to lose her that I was not willing to let her go.
When the relationship became really bad for both of us, I knew I had to sort my stuff out. In the dating community, this process was called "dialing up my game", both inner and outer game.
So I let her go, not sure that I'd ever have another girlfriend again (did I tell you I was really shy and introvert back then?). Shortly after, I had found this dating/PUA community and started reading and testing out anything that could potentially solve my shy-ness and introvertion and could make me more... interesting and attractive for the opposite sex.
To someone who's been popular and well liked in his youth ears this might seem absurd! Learning to become attractive to women? What a joke! Just be yourself man! Easier said than done.
I never wanted to become a Master Pick-Up Artist, as most of the dating teachers encouraged their students to become, but I just wanted to have a long term girlfriend that was right for me.
I was so fed up with not having a girlfriend that I was willing to go as far as making a total fool of myself and try out the most crazy and far-fetched PUA routines, until I would figure out how to create attraction. I was willing to step over my ego because I knew I could not go on like that.. girlfriend-less :)
One of the most powerful methods I learned was the Push-Pull method (otherwise known as Cat-String theory).
Well, fast forward to this day, the problem is solved. I am not boasting or anything, just stating a fact. Becoming attractive was never about a special technique or method, but about finding self confidence outside socially dictated norms and knowing who I am.
There's more depth to this and way more to discuss. Mabe I'll write some more in another article.
Until then, there are still many men out there who could benefit from this knowledge, who are still banging their heads against the wall because they are trapped in the friend zone.
I've made a couple of short animations trying to explain what I learneded about Push-Pull, one of the "magical" tools that will rattle and possibly dismantle the "friend only" cage. Will it be helpful? No idea. Have a look and be the judge of that.
Here is one of those animations.
By the way, any PUAs or former PUAs here?
Awesome post! I remember what that journey was like.
Thanks! It was fun, it was heart breaking, it was amazingly uplifting, it was eye opening. Btw, I believe you are still using push pull? Even now, after 10 years, I can't get enough of it :)) How was yours?