My son tried to end his life more than once and is now in rehab...again. You know that there are people who love you and care for you and would do anything in their power to make you better. But you also know that you are the only one who can do that.
I've been wondering where you have been and right now, I wish you'd been away for any other reason but this. As my friend said to me today, "life sucks, surrounded by moments of pure joy". I can't begin to understand what you are going through, but I can understand what those around you are going through, and I hope and wish for peace and healing for all of you.
Once you heal, you can forgive yourself and move forward. I'm sending love and hugs and positive vibes for that to happen, but I guess we both know it's a hell of a mountain you need to climb now. xo