Remain strong for yourself as well brother. Its the person whos left behind who must deal with the pain and grief of loss. I cant imagine losing my wife or kid. Im losing my mother soon too due to heart problems. She wont be alive in two years. Perhaps not 1 month. She chose to smoke eat bad and not exercise. I dont hate or blame her for thar. Nevertheless it was her choice and she knew the potential consequences. Her dying has at least helped me realize how short and important life is. We only get on shot at this as far as we know. Live for yourself. Be happy. Enjoy as much as you can. Dare to love even though you risk losing them. And never beat yourself up. We all do the best we can to the best of our ability. Good luck man!