Saved in notes under the title last thoughts on my phone is a few thoughts I've had from the time I landed in Poland until now I will be sharing the first page or so. I'm not good at grammar spelling so please forgive these unedited thoughts
To clarify this is not a cry for help if you are thinking of doing something please reach out to family or friends or call the hot lines available in your country.life maybe difficult at times but things get better.
While taking this long ride from Poland threw the border in to Ukraine threw lviv to kyiv I have had a great deal of reflection as I know the danger I am to face and yet I don't feel scared as I should I have a sense of peace over me that is new and I have not come to a decision as to weather or not it is welcome. I arrived in Poland with only an idea in my head fullishly one that I have yet to fully think all I know is that I am here on earth without cause for myself but for others. I am unsure if the feeling is that of a man who is to scared to face the past or the future maybe its the thought of the present that haunts my long nights.
My half thought up plan was to fight for the freedom of Ukraine or was it to fight myself so that I may die a warriors death to wich I know in my heart I am not worthy of. But that is of little consequence in the present situation I have found myself in as you see I have passed on to the next world may it be more forgiving and have mercy on my soul undeserving as I may be.
My mission is to go to areas that have been visited by the demons of war where the work of darkness has tried so desperately to suffocate the light that was blurred but yet shined on the land for the evil of men has been the way of these lands for many a generation. I have been broken sense I can remember for anger and evil has been a gray cloud trying for my soul for as long as thought has been made aware to me. And in many trying times in my life I have let it be seen .
The evil seed that has been planted in me wether it be at birth or before my ability to remember thought I am unsure. I feel as though I have been let to live on this earth as a victim of my own mind yet I try to not take pitty on myself for I know it to be deserving. Many of times have I tried my hand at what I thought was the calling for me and yet the lack of will power has left me only asking more questions of myself
I only have one life to live and yet have not lived the first half though it has come to pass. In the blink of an eye the lack of self control as a child has led to the inability as an adult to be swimming the same way as everyone else in the river of life for the direction I have taken Unknown to myself and others has brought my life to end. May others learn from my mistakes and not take pity on my soul for I have not been right with the world or myself.
Today I met with the brother hood made good connections with a group of guys who seek the fight for reasons only known to them maybe they feel the same as I or maybe they are true warriors I may never know we will be meeting a group of sf guys who we will be fighting with if all goes as planned. But what is a plan in a war other than a hope you live to see the next operation.
I came to Ukraine to be apart of somthing I could make a difference in I have learned alot on this journey.I learned one our guys killed three Russians last night but was shot this morning shattering his pelvis I never met the guy but it's a reality I could die and no one would ever hear back from me.
If your reading this sorry again for not coming back like I said I would. 😔 I died happy as messed up as it sounds and how ever it is I die I died for a cause greater than myself and I find that to be the best way to go out.
To clarify my intentions are not to die I very much would like to come home but I understand the risk I am taking and am willing to take it.
This is just the first few pages if you want me to post more let me know thank you
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Well you can re-edit and add some more tags.
However this is phenomenal!
Going over to help others with the best of intentions is powerful story.
Here is a vote a share and some support!