Sometimes life just grinds you down. At my home and at my business I am a matriarchal figure that everybody expects to "always just be there". This doesn't mean I'm taken for granted, I know I'm appreciated and loved but sometimes I simply don't want to "be there". I want to be left alone in a little hole where I can lick my wounds in peace.
(pixabay)
I've also had a virus and I don't know if my depression was worsened by the virus, or I contracted the virus because I was depressed. I was weak and slept a lot for about a week. I am taking a mild anti-depressant and the doctor wanted to put me on something stronger, but I can't afford it. As many of you know, I am from South Africa and I can definitely say our economy is tanking. There seems to be a miasma of depression and blackness blanketing our town. I am definitely not the only one who feels this way.
When you are severely depressed, every little task seems insurmountable. Even my daughter innocently asking if I will be going to exercise class in the evening felt like intolerable pressure. When I am intensely depressed I quite honestly wish I would die. My responsibilities as a mother, daughter and wife don't allow me to even think of indulging in those fantasies. I feel trapped by my circumstances.
From experience I know these feelings won't last forever. I also strongly believe that it is my soul's journey to go through whatever I am experiencing. This doesn't comfort me though. The fact that I can start to blog about it today is a step in the right direction, so for now I will continue putting one foot in front of the other. Sometimes it is all we can do.
Thank you for reading. Please follow me @onetree
PS: The Steem price increase perked me up a little this morning. What has been going on while I've been away?
@onetree - it is so good to see you back! I am so sorry that you are in that dark place. Believe me when I say I know it well. Depression = pain and it doesn't have to have a reason. It just sucks. That being said, I can share some coping mechanisms that have worked for me. Just put on the life preserver and stay afloat, okay?
Thanks @merej99 - will keep on floating, I promise :)
Hope you are better soon. I've missed your posts. I've had some virus lately, but it's not been too bad. I did end up writing a song about it though :)
Thanks @steevc through all of it we did manage to get quite a lot of interesting stuff, so I should be up & running again very soon. :) Songs/poetry helps with tough times. Sometimes I find myself composing stuff I never write down in those dark hours....
I honestly think that many of us feel that way sometimes....One day you will just wake up again and feel good. Just don't drown. Keep on swimming!
Thanks @giantbear It's happened before so I know I will feel better sometime.
{friendly wave} ... Welcome back @onetree.. I missed your posts and interactions. Sorry to hear about your depression ... that is one tough nasty beast to deal with as it tackles you from within. Just the other day in this post I asked the question..."Where is @onetree?"
Thanks @themagus I'm starting to feel better. Steemit is no good if it feels like a chore. But the welcome back I received makes me feel good :)
glad you are back! following!
Thank you and thank you!
your are welcome and welcome! - serious topic - hope we all can help and support if you feel help is needed - Warm Regards!
Thank you, I appreciate that :)
depression can take its toll, and you just wish you can just shake it off, but it's easier said than done. Wish the masses could understand that
I don't think you can understand unless you experience it. Most people just put on a happy face. A lot of people sympathise, but there is a tendency for them to ask if you feel better, and for how long can you say no. So you lie.