This is a very powerful story man. I have been almost in the same position as you. I know it is hard and definitely feels like an eternal loop of sadness and nothingness. My advice to all that has been through the same thing as us is to keep yourself busy and find a hobby that you are passionate about.
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thank you so much.
I appreciate your words, and I have delved into art and I seem to be enjoying myself and my life. <3