I am a Russian women about 31 years old. I started smoke in my 19. Nervious work, smoker boyfriend and best friends.
In Russia, especially in Nord Caucasus, women who smoke are not respected.
And I always want to break prejudices and obscurantism.
My battle for the right to smoke helped me, as well as alcohol (Oh, it's another lovely story about how I throw booze).
Tobacco smoking is TRUE BAD. And I stuck in it.
I want to get all good from my weakness and transcendent it.
I have a very weak will. I could hardly make even simple decisions. I am crushed, no self confidience.
Once a month a think about self-annihilation and how I hate myself and all world. People named it premenstrual syndrome. But I call this feelings - waking of the beast.
And now it is so close to me, I feel power of my nature. But the world stands on it's head, notably in my habitat, and I can not find an opportunity to realize my amazing potential.
So I use many bad things to find out who I am.
I have so many ideas to write, but I can't do it in one moment. So many thoughts. And few subpersonalies who want to talk too. They will be write without any logic. So I will marked them at the beginning of the paragraph. For example, S - smoker, B- beast. These paragraphs are not related. Enjoy the first part while I play a little in Leage of Legends on Russian server.
S: I've decided to stop smoke a few days ago. However I did it every time I smoke last year)) But this time it was last cigarette in a pack, so what can go wrong? This is genius! Who has not tried this?
Right after I smoked it in the early morning. Usually i do it after lunch.
I write this useless story not to get success. I do it only for myself.
I want to smoke all the time, so I have to distract myself several times a day
I can't stop thinking about cigarette and I direct my impulse not to the act of "smoking" but into description of my suffering.
Привет, Зоец ^_^