Hi Friends,
One of the things that I feel fortunate about here on Steemit, is that we are mostly void of hateful, trolling and sexist remarks. I honestly thing the ability to flag with monetary repercussions helps to keep that kind of thing at bay.
That being said – it still happens from time to time. It was actually the strangest thing, a few months ago I was getting really rude, sexists comments a LOT… out of nowhere! I didn’t have any before that time, and I haven’t had much since then. I’m not sure what was happening in the universe a few months ago, but for some reason I seeing a lot of this kind of behavior.
What Were the Comments About?
The majority of these comments were basically things like, “Your content is horrible and terrible and the only reason people are voting for you, is because you are a cute girl”. There were different, sometimes more vulgar iterations of this statement – but you get the gist.
The more typical female response is to laugh it off and not engage because we don’t’ want to start a “scene” or get into an argument. I do think there is a time and place to pick your battles... but I decided to actually stand up for myself to a few of these guys and let them know that comments like that were not just disrespectful to me as a woman, but even more so as a content creator.
Instead of just laughing it off… I said something along these lines. “Your right, it probably has nothing to do with the fact that I have spent hours on this platform every day for the last X months. Or that I am constantly improving my content, or that I’m building relationships and community. Your right… It’s ONLY because I have tits.”
Needless to say… my comments weren’t very well received and I got into some discussions with these guys.
Thanks to the Guys who Stood Up For Me
There were a handful of awesome guys here on the platform that really stood for up. They happened to notice my interactions and left me really encouraging notes saying to ignore those idiots because they were just jealous or reacting out of their own insecurities. This meant the WORLD to me and I was so touched to see these great men step in and provide support.
I debating adding in the names of the guys who I felt really supported by - but wasn't sure if they would want the attention. You know who you are... so thank you and keep doing what you are doing.
What I was Hoping to Get out of these Interactions
My MAIN goal with standing up to these guys, was to plant a seed. I wasn’t expected them to hear my words right away and wasn’t surprised when their responses were immediately defensive. Many of them came back with even ruder responses. I was hoping that maybe over time, they would internalize my words and start to re-evaluate. Or maybe the next time someone else stands up to them, it will make them think about what they are saying, and the negative impact it was having.
To my Shock… It Actually Worked
I recently had one of these guys send me a message saying that he’s been thinking about what I said and has felt pretty guilty the last few months. He apologized and we were able to talk through it. Now we are actually friends and have been chatting! I have SO much respect for this individual to not only be conscious enough to evaluate his actions, but actually have the guts to come back and apologize.
I was incredibly touched by his response, because it gives me hope that maybe standing up for myself IS making a difference.
Sharing My Story to Encourage Other Women to Stand Up for Themselves Too
I feel like most of the time, we as women don’t feel like there is any positive results from standing up to these sexist comments. It is honestly a lot of work to get involved in these conversations – and we usually get nothing but negative, defensive response back. So why bother?
Because it plants a seed.
Maybe after two or three women tell them that this kind of behavior is not appreciated – maybe it actually will encourage them to change.
Not Everyone Has a Positive Experience
I want to point out that not every woman who stands up for herself like this finds support. I have heard from quite a few women on this platform that they have felt harassed not only in comments, but in more private discord settings. That’s why I thought sharing my story was even more important. We seem to only hear the bad and I wanted to show that it is possible to stand up for yourself and see a positive outcome.
I got support from a few awesome guys who noticed these exchanges, and having that guy come back to apologize was a really awesome moment. We CAN make a difference and even if we don’t see the positive results right away… those seeds are still getting planted.
Thanks for Reading/Watching
I just wanted to say thanks for creating such a safe space where I feel comfortable talking about and sharing some of my experience. I really hope that this encouraged a few women to consider standing up for themselves instead of brushing these situations off. I also hope that this inspired some of the men out there to stand up and say something if you see this kind of behavior going on. The men who did that for me really showed their integrity and character – of which I have the utmost respect.
Thanks for watching or reaching this! Love you guys!
My video is at DLive
A few months back I was watching a Youtube video and while I was on there I like to read the comments people leave, I was just about to leave a comment when I stumbled over a girl who had commented about losing a loved one, then under her comment there was other comments of people dissing her for her comment.
She tried to stand up for herself but got dragged down, i couldn't help but place a comment on there, not attacking the haters but telling this girl that life is amazing and she has so much to look forward to, and some day it will get a little easier.
I got slated for it, but you know something they don't know me, and they wouldn't say it to my face as most of the hater hide behind a keyboard and think they can post whatever they want.
nice post @coruscate it shows that there can be positivity from a negative. x
ahh good for you to stand up and leave that poor girl a word of encouragement. Your right, it's the anonymity that people hide behind. They would never say something like that to your face... but online when no one knows you? Ugh... so messed up.
Maybe that is one more way that Steemit helps to discourage that kind of behavior. Even though someone could say hateful/trolling comments... there would be damage done to their reputation. Someone's reputation is visible to all here - where on YouTube, they really can stay anonymous.
I love steemits way for reputation, I think its one of its best features and if youtube was to do something like that it would help alot.
But lets get on to facebook. these people are idiots on there, they don't seem to care that their name face and details are there for everyone too see. it makes me wonder what these people think.
Yeah... it's a little crazy in Facebookland! I do think a lot of people are losing faith in them after the recent security breaches. Even though they are trying to backtrack... it seems like the damage is done.
I hate facebook, I do have an account, but the way I see it is why would I want to connect with people who I hated when i was at school.
All the drama and then they want to add you as a friend. I had 460 friends on there, I started to delete them and I'm down to about 160 and these are true friends and family.
Love this postive message @coruscate! You handled that whole situation so gracefully. Good for you for standing up for yourself and not letting those people bring you down. You sure proved the detractors wrong!!
Thanks my friend!! ♥️
I just wanted people to hear my story so they know that it’s not all bad characters out there, and sometimes good can come from the whole thing!
Really interesting story. Im happy that it worked out the way it did, and surprised to be honest. But thats great. I'm really pleased that overall there are very few of those as you say. 😁 Thanks for sharing your experience.
Thanks for watching @alphasteem! <3
Of course you are cute but you are also awesome as chewbacca! :D
LOL that literally might be my favorite video I have ever made!!!
Thanks for sharing your story about standing up to these negative people without sounding neither defensive nor offended. I used to be active on Facebook and often ran into content about bullied people who told us to either ignore the trolls, tell them « it’s not okay to be mean before it hurts people’s feelings », « what would your mother think if she saw you like this » or any other response that clearly shows the trolls succeeded in getting under their skin. Here I am as a father asking myself: « That doesn’t sound right. There has to be a better way to prepare my kids for the real world » and I absolutely loved your response.
Sarcasm and humor show that:
-you’re not offended
-you couldn’t care less what they think about you
-you actually laugh about it
-you’re not fighting back but actually going along with them
-you don’t take any of this seriously
Here’s a few you can use:
A: Shut up woman and go make me a sandwich!
B: Okay but I hope you have some Pepto-Bismol or Immodium handy... just in case. Just looking out for your best interests.
A: Come on girl! Quit boring us and show us your knockers!
B: Gee I don’t know... I could but then again, wouldn’t you rather enjoy your pastime and remain anonymous? I can point you to a few adult sites if you want. I won’t judge.
A: You suck! Go kill yourself.
B: But if I do, who will keep you occupied and make you feel great about yourself? I couldn’t possibly deprive you of that.
There are many ways of dealing with negative people and they all work as long as they don’t make you feel less about yourself. In my case, I think I’ll teach sarcasm and humor to my kids.
Thanks @coruscate.
hahaha your examples totally cracked me up! I love your approach to negative people. If you are sarcastic and make light of the situation - it can allow you to say your peace without letting them get under your skin. Like you said... it also shows that you don't actually care what they think.
Thanks for the thoughtful comment!
You’re welcome. Let’s spread some positive energy to as many people as possible.
hahaha your examples totally cracked me up! I love your approach to negative people. If you are sarcastic and make light of the situation - it can allow you to say your peace without letting them get under your skin. Like you said... it also shows that you don't actually care what they think.
Thanks for the thoughtful comment!
hahaha your examples totally cracked me up! I love your approach to negative people. If you are sarcastic and make light of the situation - it can allow you to say your peace without letting them get under your skin. Like you said... it also shows that you don't actually care what they think.
Thanks for the thoughtful comment!
That really a nice post. Am falling in love with it already
wooow, hullo @coruscate, the best thing you did was to stand for yourself, no one can stans fpr you before you take the bold step. thank you for encouraging ladies.
I'm glad you connected with this article!
That attitude is really necessary. Excellent!
That attitude is really necessary. Excellent!
you , girl , are amazing and i salute your consistency , your devotion to what you do . the best way to win this gender conflict is to keep the good work and the good content and to prove to every sick mind that gender discrimination is a non valid argument in the 21th century !!!
But u dealt with the situation in a very mature and reasonable way and I support u 👯♀️
Thank you for your encouragement!
Some people have bad days and then take it on on someone online. Sometimes they are triggered by something or maybe experience envy or jealous towards us who are creating content. That was big of him to come back and apologise. That means he probably doesn't get off on putting others down. Other people are just toxic and we need to just let go. I find that challenging.
I've been getting comments on comments I leave on YouTube, where people assume that I'm an SJW and stat insulting me, thinking I'm just and "angry woman" and stuff, because of the colour of my hair. It pisses me off. I need to let it go, I need to just let go and be like "whatever!" Got any tricks?