Hey @dpend ..i downloaded and listened to your piece...it's uplifting and encouraging . Reminds me of what i have been going through. Please allow me to share with you because I feel if i share it here, i might get some more motivation. I also think you can write another poem on this that might definitely help me and others who might be in the same situation as mine. Doesn't matter whether it will take me the whole night to finish typing it but i just have to share it here.
I have been going through some sort of weird trauma or let me call it depression feeling for are about two months now. Been getting panic attacks and feeling anxious from time to time. A feeling of fear and pressure keeps engulfing me whenever I'm out there among people or crowds. It has reached a point that when people around me are talking, it feels as if they are talking about me. I'd try to get and understand what they are saying but wouldn't get a thing.
Sometimes i try to ignore and tell myself that perhaps I'm overthinking. Sometimes it's difficult to ignore and it goes ahead to torment my mind.
This has made me stay indoors for a while now although i get to push myself to go outside for a few minutes. It also feels like i lost a part of me since i have lost all the motivation to do things i used to love doing.
I recall it started last year out of the blues when i suddenly began hallucinating and hearing voices in my head (sounded like me talking to myself in my mind). I hadn't taken or done any drug then although i had been drinking alcohol nearly everyday trying to get over a heartbreak i got a few months earlier. I had also quit using marijuana 2 year earlier that is 2015 to be precise. Those are pretty much the drugs i have ever used in my life.
When the hallucinating and voices in my head popped out of nowhere ,I became very paranoid and disturbed.I couldn't really understand why and where it all came from. Something would tell me that perhaps I was under a spiritual attack. I would ask myself but how and i hadn't been, neither was i in an occult group.
Since it started while i was in school (miles away from home), i had to run back home.
It got worse while i was at home and i somehow lost my senses. I couldn't use a phone, couldn't critically engage in a conversation, couldn't understand what people around me were saying or doing, felt rejected and neglected, felt like an outcast and nearly everything that made sense to me stopped making sense.
I felt like i had completely lost my life. I was helpless and useless. Anytime i was around the radio or television , i would begin to think that it's actually talking about me.The voices in my head would tell me to kill myself and i would lock myself somewhere in a room and cry bitterly . I remember one of youngest brothers was the one who would take care and watch over me while my parents were away.
As days passed by, I stopped believing that i had gone crazy and started believing that i was dead and in a spiritual world. I was taken to a psychiatric doctor who did tests on me and administered some medical drugs for me to take. With time, i the hallucination and the voices went away.
The only thing that has been bothering me is the fear, panic attacks and anxiety which actually bring a lot of discomfort and restlessness. It is not and has never been a fun feeling for me at all. I would say spending my time online especially on steemit has helped keep me busy and also helped me stop overthinking; though not completely.
I hope to get my life back soon.
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