Thank you for sharing your story! It really makes a lot of sense about the person you are today and the mindset you have :)
Over the years I have collected a lot of what I call fuck you fuel that just keeps me going. Life throws punches at me in many forms, but I take all that crap and turn it into fuel, to grind it out and move forward, to learn something every day.
I could sit and whine all day about all things wrong, about my fucked up hip, about my fucked up joints, about lack of opportunities, about lack of funds and all that or I can say fuck it and walk over pain, walk over all the things I lack and things that bring me down and disrupt my confidence. Because what else is there in this life?