I found myself in a place of both action and inaction. Moving forward but falling behind.
I spent a great deal crying inside because of the pain I felt as I woke up from the matrix. I mourn for the animals, the plants, the water, the air, life on earth and my fellow man.
When I discovered the spiritual, physical and emotional nutrition that I had been deprived of, how could I not feel pain of loss? How could I not mourn what I had been missing my whole life and still continue to miss?
My journey into farming, wildcrafting, permaculture and homesteading was a response to a passion that had grown in me for growing food and being in nature, but it included a subtle grasp for everything that is missing in my life. Everything natural that I had not been born into.
- Farming taught me to appreciate where food comes from.
- Homesteading taught me to appreciate having my basic needs met.
- Permaculture taught me to step back and observe nature.
- Wildcrafting taught me to slow down and feel my surroundings.
- Herbalism taught me to sit with the plants and be.
So I slowed down.
I sat with the plants, appreciated nature. And then I stopped moving because of the pain I felt there once I stopped moving.
The joy I received from nature came with immense discomfort in accepting the reality that I am missing so much in my life. I have been so disconnected from nature.
Much of the time I spend online, in the car, inside the house, earning income off the homestead I am disconnected from nature.
I am living in two realities.
I live in the reality of the modern world and the reality of nature. Nature is with me and I am with nature even in the modern world, but I easily see that. I see life through layers of man made physical and invisible structures that hold me back from realizing the raw and simple truths of being a natural being.
Even in the food I eat I can be robbed of truth. What is nutritional density? Can I even comprehend this modern term if I never lived a life eating the weeds for all my meals day in and day out?
I grew up in boxes.
My classrooms were boxes. I spent all those years learning skills I would use to navigate the real world. It turns out that the real world is full of boxes.
Now I am awake from the matrix and yet I navigate both worlds. Yes it is by choice that I live in both worlds.
- I must survive.
- How else can I learn from and share with others?
A man must be prepared to give 100% to his purpose, fulfill his karma or dissolve it, and then let go of that specific form of living. He must be capable of not knowing what to do with his life, entering a period of unknowingness and waiting for a vision or a new form of purpose to emerge. These cycles of strong specific action followed by periods of not knowing what the hell is going on are natural for a man who is shedding layers of karma in his relaxation into truth.
- David Deida ‘The Way of The Superior Man’
I came across this quote at some point earlier this year or last year and while I have not read 'The Way of The Superior Man' this message stood out to me.
I realized my time had come to choose the next leg in my path. This is the reason why I took 3 months vacation from Steemit. I needed time to think. I needed grounding. I needed to hone my direction.
I know that I am passionate about working with nature because it helps me feel alive, connected, healthy and happy. I know homesteading is the right thing for me to do because it connects the lifestyle I am passionate about with sustainability.
What would it take to live my dream life?
I asked myself what would my life look like if I were paid a fair living wage for growing, harvesting and processing the food my family needs to stay healthy and nourished? The concern about money would be taken out of my mind and I could focus on growing and acquiring food to meet our needs to stay healthy.
Luckily I am not too far from that reality already because, as I have learned along the way growing and collecting one's food and medicine does not take a full time effort, especially once some skills have been learned. At minimum, its a part time gig. (But without belonging to and participating in a community day in and day out that knows, practices and lives with the plants one person would find it difficult to acquire these skills without expending extra energy and time learning.)
If you were watching a farmer though, you would think it would be a full time job to feed a family. But no, a farmer is growing food for many families because they are concerned with having money. Growing food is not a problem for a farmer.
Granted, wanting to escape money is still an ego-centric desire.
Money is a reality and I am grateful I have the means and resources to live and thrive in both worlds, even if my ego is still struggling to accept my choice of living in both realities.
The problem that I am faced with is how do I respond to the global suffering that the matrix produces? Since I have awaken from the matrix I cannot ignore this question. The longer I put it off, the longer I feel stuck.
Steemit has helped me answer this question. So have my mentors. And ultimately the answer comes from within my heart. My heart wants to give and to help heal. My own heart cannot heal in a box.
I choose to share what I learn about plants, growing food, planting trees, wildcrafting, seeds and other homesteading or permaculture skills that I pick up or projects that I am working on. I want to help others learn, inspire others with my joy and passion - just as much as I want to learn from and be inspired by others. I am not an expert. I am a novice with a passion and need others' help to thrive.
Sharing skills and passions is a medium for healing what is missing in my life.
For healing the wound of missing deeper connections with medicine, food, nature, spirit and community. All these help me know wholeness more intimately.
I do believe that I am always whole whether I realize it or feel it or not. But my ego can hold me back from feeling whole. My ego can remind me that I come from a world of scarcity. It can remind me that money should be my primary concern. It can remind me that money is my basic need that needs to be met. It can remind me that I have dozens of comfort zones inside cozy little boxes.
My new neighbors have taught me what it means to share home grown food, love for nature and reverence for community. Likewise my steemit colleagues and friends have reminded me that it is time to encourage each other to make positive changes in this world. We can hold each other to higher standards with encouragement, love and offering examples. We can help raise eachother's consciousness.
Thank you for that. It has been most inspiring.
You help me find pride and gratitude for the opportunity to be living in both worlds.
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Awesome post! Made me want to start gardening.
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Yay! I do hope you give gardening a try!
I feel that pain, too. Nature renews me, so I crave the agency to renew Nature in return. Welcome back to Steemit, your posts are so valuable to me. Resteemed
Hey @creationofcare. Your comment warms my heart. Thank you! You inspire me to continue sharing on steemit :)
<3
This really resonates with me. I've felt that feeling, especially the more I connect (I'm training in relationship/energy/shamanism/quantum things) and as I learn more and find new ways to relate to the world, sometimes I feel more alienated from everything else, from my day to day life, people at work, old friends. I often feel I'm living two lives. My hubby is right on board with me, so we connect together through nature a lot, which helps in some ways. It's a strange dichotomy though and often uncomfortable. I recently took a break from training with my coach for that very reason.
We are currently urban homesteading and foraging, learning skills as we go, while we work on plans for a lifestyle that works for us. It's a nice happy medium. It's good to meet others though who have similar experiences and feelings. Again... Thank you for sharing, I'd be happy to chat any time!Thank you for sharing @sagescrub
Hey @thetreeoflife. It was so nice to read your comment. I am also glad to meet you here in steemit and in discord! It sounds like we are into the same hobbies... learning to homestead and foraging. We are all in it together learning as we go. How wonderful that steemit can connect us homesteaders so that we can learn together, inspire eachother and especially to relate. That dichotomy has been on my mind a lot lately but I am finding a lot of peace in knowing that I am doing what I love, despite there not being a lot of money in it. The health, nature, good food and humble friends are wonderful rewards. I am looking forward to following your journey as you go through it!
Woo! Love your post - we've given you a 100 percent upvote with a chance to appear in our weekly curation, and we've resteemed you! We hope it helps you continue to write such amazing posts. We encourage you to use the #naturalmedicine tag so we can more easily find you.
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Thank you @natural medicine!!
As long as you find joy in what you do, you are doing great. You can focus on the suffering or you can focus on all the beauty, abundance and riches this planet is providing us and spend time with amazing people. It is natural that you want to help others, just be sure not to pour from an empty glass and take care of yourself first. You deserve to be happy, how could you help if you are not ok in the first place. Thank you for everything you do, I am sure many are thankful too, much love 💚
Thank you... your advice is so good. I forget about this sometimes. I am glad you remind me to take care of myself! I am trying to get better at that, for example not expecting myself to post on steem every day and making time to take care of my body. I appreciate your caring comment and advice :)
I totally understand where u are in life! Ive been "waking up" for the past few years and I often struggle to be in both worlds.. Its painful to see so many people not understand what the reality is. I am still trying to figure out my purpose so I really enjoyed the quote u put up, especially this part
It puts some things into perspective for me so thanks, i needed this..
Anyhow, its nice to run into more people who are on the same page as me.. We are few and far between, but steemit is a great gathering place for all of us 😉.. Thanks for sharing, following.
I came to the conclusion that this is the best part of being awake is discovering that feeling of not knowing. It is hard to get used to and sometimes painful for us adults when we are used to knowing our path for many years. Maybe a path that we chose long ago or a path that we felt comfortable with because of our culture's influence. Sometimes tragedy happens or some force outside of our control causes us to change our path like death, divorce, loss of work, etc. But when I chose to be the force that cuts off my past path it felt like I was dividing myself in half. I think that period of unknowingness is needed to complete the "death" of my old self and transition into a new and better world.
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This is a really well written post!
Thanks for sharing and being a living example of the multiworld dance 💖