This was a very well written essay, I would advise to use headings to clearly label what it is you are writing about in each section. This allows the reader to skim and see the main points of your essay to know if they are interested in what is written and clearly states what points you are making. I like how you can relate to the reading, saying that you have traded in equity markets for a couple of years showing you have experience on what you are writing about. Your point on the market and government favoring the larger corporations rather than the smaller businesses is a good discussion point, I like how you related it to a current problem facing the banking institutions in the current time to show your knowledge on current events.
This action has caused many citizens to choose the larger banks over smaller ones, which artificially increases demand in banks like Bank of America.
This is a great example of how the government and market makers influence and persuade people to choose large corporations to keep them on top. You did a good job quoting both readings and stating your extensive thoughts about them. You showed that you had critical thinking and opinions about the readings and events that are happening that affect daily life for citizens and companies.
I agree that innovation is a key way to expand and improve the markets and that entrepreneurs are the leading role in that aspect. Without new ideas and advances in all ways, there would be no new concepts or ideas to allow the market and economy to grow. Studying in this school and these classes has had a major impact on me and has taught me many new skills, I am glad that you emphasized the importance of the role that entrepreneurs play in the economic market. You did a great job of using Schumpeter's quote to note the importance that innovation from entrepreneurs play in the market.
Overall this was an excellent essay, headers to allow for easier formatting would help organize your work but other than that this was a great read and allows for the reader to learn about the markets and the roles that are played within it.