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There will be certainly room for you on the WiseAss Council within the NEC...
On chubby: I would take him in but he is sitting on his property which is a large acreage kids camp. So he is well fed as you correctly pointed out.
Here is his view...

IMG_5673.jpeg

And I'm on the look out for the necessary parts for the new hippie hot tub...
I will use this Aussie's vid. as a manual:

I want a hippie hot tub too for my doom bunker !

PS beautiful view !