Sitting at the bottom of an emotional hole and waiting for someone to throw you a ladder? Sometimes you be waiting a looooog time while your life tick-tocks on by. I've come to appreciate that no matter the cause of the emotional hole, we ALWAYS have two key tools to help us begin to build our own ladder out:
- Perspective
- Gratitude
Of course when you are IN your hole, perspective and gratitude feel incredibly scarce and almost unachievable. Personally, I find access to those most two seemingly elusive things - readily and quickly, every time - through my never-fail strategy of service to others. Perspective and gratitude are the two long stable poles I start lashing my little rungs to, and from which I begin to build a ladder to get me out - no matter how deep the hole nor how miserable I feel.
This week was a wonderful example. In fact, after @eco-alex set the challenge I DM'd him to thank him and commented that the @ecotrain Getting Out Of An Emotional Hole Challenge might have been custom made just for me! My hole this week was a deep one of frustration and systemic crap that left me feeling powerless, excluded and horribly alone: the usual entrepreneurial-single-mama back-to-school financial and emotional stress (not one cent of child support in 10 years, no government benefits here at all and not a sugar daddy in sight!) was compounded by my first round of businesses tax for our new Thai public company (trust me you do NOT want to be a tall blonde single woman navigating the complex relic that is the Thai tax system, no matter how good your Thai language skills) and finally being denied the 1 year parental visa I had worked so hard towards. Urgh.
I felt like I had been hit by a bus, emotionally and physically. Fatigued, withdrawn and demotivated. And so I applied copious quantities of coffee (after wine the night prior), and listened to my gut in the early morning stillness for a whisper of an idea. I found a tiny germ of an idea. And then I forgot about myself, my 'problems', the hole and I went for it. And this is what my ladder looked like, when it was completed:
https://steempeak.com/freedomtribe/@freedomtribe/the-happiness-steem-challenge-creating-happiness-for-hungry-indigenous-venezuelan-children-loads-of-steem-prizes-to-be-won
In the course of developing, creating, writing and promoting @freedomtribe's new Happiness Challenge on Wednesday and Thursday, I had to collaborate with my generous and upbeat colleague, @richardcrill. I felt blessed already. I had to THINK about children with no food, about a country in deep political & economic crisis, and about amazing people like @lopezdaniel from @littledisciples creating magic from a few 'spare' steem slung their way. Literally a contemporary loaves and fishes story.
Just reading the children's stories, putting together the challenge post and inviting people in the steem community to stretch beyond themselves, I found perspective ....and gratitude followed meekly, all by herself. No effort required.
As I read the entries that are flowing in, comment and upvote, my wobbly ladder is strengthened, as if the loose bolts and screws are being cosmically tightened. None of the issues that I allowed to drag me into the hole have changed nor improved, and yet the hole is magically gone.
Let me share another example. There have been days - many days - when the money available at that particular moment is not enough to do or pay for what feels overwhelmingly urgent. I might need 2000 Thai baht (USD $65ish) for the overdue electricity bill and have only 300 baht in my wallet (like less than $10).
We have found a little second-hand store in Chiang Mai that has great quality children's clothes for 10 baht/piece. And so, when things feel so tight that there "is not enough", I grab my daughter and we spend 100 baht (a bit over USD $3) on 10 little children's items for the indigenous children from the Karen community along the Thai-Burma border. My daughter and I fuss and choose and imagine what the indigenous mama's will FEEL when their little one has a cute new tshirt or a much needed pair of sturdy shorts. After 15 mins at the secondhand store, I feel like a Queen: generous when before I felt deprived; grateful for the wardrobe full of clothes for my girl at home; and sometimes with tears in my eyes imagining what it must feel like to not have a tshirt to give your little child on a cool night in the mountains.
And when I shift to gratitude and to how much I already have in relation to others, I marvel that my emotional black hole simply disappears. Like Magic. Every single time.
"Serving others helps us to forget ourselves", @eco-alex said to me. That's not entirely true. I'm not forgetting or denying anything, just choosing to shift my focus. Because I still feel everything, but through a different filter. I have shifted the position from which I look at and experience it, and that is everything!
Crying, wallowing, hiding under blankets - that's fine in theory. But they are things I rarely do, as I have such a deep appreciation on TIME and that I'm here to be that light to others. So many of my friends have passed and had their lives cut short. The more I work with the dying, and each time someone dies in my arms, I get a whole new perspective on time, on purpose, on emotional black holes and the time they take and the energy they often suck away from others.
Perspective is everything. Through exposure to others and their needs, we gain a sense of gratitude - without effort - that is soooo empowering, which shifts our energetic vibration and allows us to SHINE and BE and CREATE, even with an undercurrent of deep sadness. Slowly that sadness softens as we are distracted and busy, and in the silence of sitting in the deep hole by itself while we're out and about changing the world, the sadness stops demanding our attention and simply is. Quietly and gently. In that place, the sadness begins to transform into something else, and the world is a more beautiful place.
Energy Flows Where Our Attention Goes.
Can I ask YOU to give some attention to our Happiness Challenge? If you can tear yourself away from your big, dark hole? See the link above - huge prizes and we'd like to make a BIG donation to help feed the indigenous children of Venezuela.
This post was prepared in response to @ecotrain's Question of the Week: https://steempeak.com/ecotrain/@ecotrain/ecotrain-question-of-the-week-how-do-you-get-out-and-stay-out-of-an-emotional-hole
While reading your article my tear's run down the point I've read about the ten dollars clothing. Because, I see the same exact people around me but I can't do anything for then. Even my inner me pushing me to help. I don't have enough to help them all but I am working so hard to make that happen.
That you want to do something is already half-way there. Maybe all you can do today is enter the Happiness Challenge - you send 2 steem and get one back for being in the first 20 entries. If 50 people do it we can send 50 steem to the kids in Venezuela. Today you might feel you have nothing, but I'm sure you can do this. :) Glad that the post spoke to you and that you have that feeling to help and share.... already the world is a better place then. x
You have a strong spirit! I'm sure that you'll be able to overcome all your situation, success follows people like you ... Thanks for your words and ideas, I live in Venezuela and the situation because of the dictatorship is very complicated, I understand you... but yes, gratitude and service are the keys to getting out of the hole. 👍😊
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I especially HOPE you will enter the Happiness Challenge! Venezuela's indigenous children are needing the worlds support, but also from within Venezuela. :) All the information you need is in the link I included in my post. :)
You’ve been visited by @riverflows on behalf of Natural Medicine!
I can't believe you were denied your visa. What does that mean for you? What happens now? You work so hard and are such an assett to Thailand and the world - you should have ALL the visas. It's funny, isn't it, when people say: 'how do you do it', and you just DO - you continue to be a shining example of what to do when life gets tough, and IS tough. You don't have the luxury of crying under blankets - you are a busy mama! I do, I absolutley do, and allow myself that luxury - but not for long, because it is neccessary, as you say, to shift focus, shake it off and serve others, whether it's the obviously needy (and thanks so much for bringing that Freedom Tribe charity drive to Steemit - you have our full support) - or the ones that need you, like daughters, family members, loved ones. It helps. We are more than just ourselves.
We are also holding a raffle - if you'd like to win some beautiful art by @frejafri, check out this post. We are also behind a fundraising charity drive hosted by @freedomtribe to raise money for Venuezualan children. Please click here to enter!
50SPII100SPII200II500SPII1000SP ♡♡♡
Discord
I will have to travel for more expensive, short term visas and find people to care for Ploi when I am gone. I have court approved sole legal custody, just not the visa to make that easy. They would prefer a boyfriend and a whole pile of cash in my bank LOL... It is what it is. Onward. Another trip to Laos in July will give me lots to write about, at the very least. x
The struggle you are facing is really hard, specially when it is something related to country laws, it is tough to deal with. I wish miracles in your life to make things easy and smooth for you @artemislives 💖💖🤗🤗
The big black dark hole! Always around the corner reading to reel you in when you dont have your own mental facts straight. Because it is true, with thinking differently and seeing it from another sight things will always turn up fine .(actually they are fine already)
When you forget the main things in life, (being healthy, having someone around you who loves you, and some food on the table) the black whole is even closer, but in the end those easy things are just all that we need.
We actually need so little - we just have to find that place that allows us perspective to find gratitude, and after that everything IS ok. Can't wait to see you for beer in Bangkok!! x
You’ve been visited by @riverflows on behalf of Natural Medicine!
If I get to have a beer in Bangkok with you two Dutchies, I might just burst into grateful tears.
We are also holding a raffle - if you'd like to win some beautiful art by @frejafri, check out this post. We are also behind a fundraising charity drive hosted by @freedomtribe to raise money for Venuezualan children. Please click here to enter!
50SPII100SPII200II500SPII1000SP ♡♡♡
Discord
If you get to Bangkok, we two Dutchies will BUY you a beer!! x
not sure what to say,
i woll go with
energy flows where our attention goes
You COULD say "my entry for the Happiness challenge is one small thing I can do.... and it's nearly finished. ;) " Yes, energy always flows where our attention goes.
I am smiling reading this comment :)
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STOP@artemislives You are so dead right on perspective and gratitude. There may be no more important tools in life that those two. I've said it many times...I could have my entire amount of material items taken away from me this very moment and through my known truth and awakening in life I could find happiness to be alive in this current human experience. You type such great known leanings my friend. We don't always know how each day will turn out, but one thing to know is that for those that are in tune and leading a purpose driven life - - - we will always find the way. It's just the natural law of the universe. YOU WILL always be taken care of because you are in tune with yourself and your purpose. Keep on being your beautiful, loving, full of light self ;-)
and the rockstar award goes to.... @artemislives.. if ever i met someone who can push through the most incredible challenges it is you.. you are truly an inspiration!
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Yep, service & gratitude - that reminds me of Buddha “giving is good at the beginning (when thinking about it), in the middle (when actually givin) and at the end (feeling that we have give)”. And fully agree Our attention draws our energy - without attention it won’t exist for us.
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That's a whole lot of motivation just not in words but from the way you handle situations of your life. True, many times we feel we are so doomed but it is just about shifting the perspective which gives us a whole new look of how fortunate we are when we compare ourselves with so many others. When I feel miserable about anything, I too shift that focus and then realize how lucky I am to have the life I am living, what I cry for is so irrelevant to what so many others are going through. I could feel you poured out your heart here.
I wish loads of happiness for you my dear 💖💖