I think the title of my post says it all, but if you do follow me, you know I don't do succinct. Nah, that's just not me. I am verbose and soft haha. Sorry, that came out unintentionally. Actually, every night before dozing off, my son tells me how much he loves me because I am soft and also reminds me of his mission to make me slim haha so I was thinking of that and unintentionally that came out, but I am in no mood of changing it because I am liking the way it is flowing. Okay, so back to the topic.
I have been through many tough times in life. Before I became an adult, a lot of the hardships I faced were because of the wrong decisions taken by my parents, business, personal and otherwise. However, when I became an adult and did start living a life on my own slowly, I became more accountable for my actions. I did make some wrong decisions in life and one important lesson that I learned, the hard way though, but I did learn it, was that sometimes in life, all you need to do to escape a problem is to just say a NO.
I have been a victim of the people pleasing dilemma and for a long time had this need of being liked and approved by all. This made me take on so many tasks and responsibilities at the same time that I was exhausting myself to the core. Just because I did not want to disappoint some people, I kept doing their stuff on behalf of them and kept making things easier for them and harder for me. Fortunately, I did realize my mistake and understood that the only reason I was miserable because I was letting myself be miserable. It wasn't my duty to make sure life is perfect for everyone and if I just dare say a No to those people, I would make it easier for me. So finally I did muster up the courage to say no to those people and while the after-effects weren't as nice in the start, things did become better.
I also realized that I wasn't really doing a favor to those people by taking on their obligations. I was basically letting them slack and fall prey to their doubts and negative thoughts. So when I firmly and clearly told them they could no longer fall on me as if I was there bean bag, they too started to become more responsible. So my NO not only helped me, but turned out to be a blessing in disguise for them too.
Now, I have made this pact with myself that I won't in any case take on all the responsibilities of others and burden myself. Yes, I am still helpful but I am nobody's couch.
What are your thoughts on the topic? I have been absent from steemit for over a week so I am feeling a bit weird today. Show me some support so I don't feel alienated already. Missed you all especially my friends from @ecotrain, @steemitbloggers, @ecotrain and @thesteemengine.
Love and light,
Sharoon.
Here are some of my articles that may interest you:
Why You Need to Live for Yourself too and Not Just for Your Kids
My Thoughts on Monster Energy...
Why We Must Take One Goal at a Time?
10 Things I wish I knew Challenge
Going Back to Home Sweet Home (A Short 50 Word Story)
Make Me Smile Challenge- My Son and His Innocent, Witty and Smart Answers
What's the Best Thing a Child Has Taught You??
I Don't Have a Perfect Child and That's Just So Beautiful...
Every Once in a While, it is Okay to Slow Down a Little...
What is Matriarchy? What Do You Think a Matriarchal Society would Look Like- @ecotrain QOTW
How to Keep Your Eyes on the Goal...
A Discovery I made about Myself with Self-Awareness...
Celebrate the Inner You- Happy Women's Day!
When Things Don't Go as Planned...
After Deep Darkness Comes a Beautiful Dawn...
Something to Think About- Issue #4: A Selection of Amazing and Enjoyable Curated Posts
Stop Listening to People and Focus on Yourself
Listen More, Feel More and Experience More to Become More Aware and Wise...
How Positive Stereotypes can Make Life Difficult
Why is it so Hard to Apologize for Your Own Wrongdoings??
Confessions of a People Pleaser...
To Sleep or Not to Sleep, that is the Question....
Parents- Guiding Lights or Dictators?
One Smile and a Deep Breath to Quickly Fight Stress
Why I am Grateful for My Hardships...
Why Do We Attach Unnecessary Meaning to Everything??
Why is it Okay to Be a Little Selfish, Focus on Your Needs and Communicate them to Loved Ones
Batman & Jesus: Why do we fear debate?
My Scar Stories- Reminders of Many Different Memories
I am a part of the wonderful @ecotrain that aims to make this world a better place so do join it if that's your aim too..
Join us @steemitbloggers Animation By @zord189
Yup! I've learnt that over the years too - that it is ok to say no. Saying no to other people, is saying yes to love yourself. :)
Yes, yes. You put it so nicely!
I used to have a problem saying no. And I began to learn that it was too often getting me into situations I was not prepared to handle or put me in further financial binds. I have learned in recent years to say no, although I usually feel bad. I feel especially bad when I think about how many times people have helped me out in life. Still, sometimes you have to face the facts that you can't help everyone all the time. Thanks for a good post. Keep it up!
We both share thesame experience. I use to feel really bad saying No to people and sometimes i felt i was super man and had soo much compassion to help everyone but i realized, i went into deep reflection and realized the best way to help everyone is to say No to some people and be strong for other people.
Welcome back Sharoon, We've missed you xx I know what that is like, I felt like it was expected of me to always help others and would put their needs in front of my own. As a result I would get burned out and ultimately feel let down if they did't do the same for me sometimes, what high expectations we sometimes put on ourselves and others. Feeling like we have to be all giving in order to be accepted and liked. I definitely let that go as I go older, but it was tough, I really do not like to let other people down. Learning to Say No is so important for self care and also it is so important for our children to see us say it too.
I missed being here more too and your poems were on my mind even though I wasn't here. Want to hug you.
Saying no is hard for some people, especially for those who aim to please everybody. I think that learning to say no is one of the most important things we have to learn how to do and when we master it, we have, in a way, mastered one big part of life. Thank you for a wonderful read 💚
Yes, it is so so important and I have trouble saying no to people even now as well but I am working on it. Thank you so much for liking it. Means so much to me.
People seem to have an inability in modern society to turn down an 'opportunity' or say no. I think a lot of the over work and stress relates to this. Saying 'no' to a lesser opportunity opens doors to other opportunities which have a better fit with who we are as a person. Let alone saying yes to something out of obligation which only has negative connotations from the outset. Interesting post.
Very well put! Thank you for the lovely comment.
Yea this is so true. You can't always say yes. As a human, you sometimes need to say no.
Nice post.
Thank you so much for stopping by and for liking it. :)
What makes life interesting is saying No as much as you say Yes so that you can be strong to say Yes to many more people in the future.
Thank you for the reminders!
But my 4 yo still doesn't listen to me when I say no to him 😅
❤️,
Hahahaha this has to be the cutest comment of all. My 4 year old does that at times too and then I have to pretend I am sad and he agrees haha
Sometimes the best help you can give someone is not to help them at all just like you did. People never learn how to do stuff on their own if people are always doing it for them.
Showing them is one thing, but there is a point that they need to tackle it on their own.
Nice work.
I can't say, "No" very easily, either. I was raised to give, give, give... and I always feel guilty at turning people down. It is hard to break the cycle, definitely. Good for you, for finding a balance that works! And thanks for sharing this with #steemitbloggers 💙
I know right. Turning people down even when you know it is exhausting you can be so so hard. It feels a relief to have some who can relate to this but yes finding a balance is so important too. Thank you for taking out the time to read this and comment.
Say "No" is perfectly normal. It saves you time, energy and prevents you from getting frustrated. Saying "No" to others means you know the value of your time and you love yourself.
Yes. We ought to learn to say 'No'. I used to be that person that want to always please everyone, but I learnt my lessons the hard way.
We can't please everyone anyway no matter how hard we try,instead we loose ourselves in the process.
Knowing how to say 'No' for me is a priceless skill.
Thanks for sharing this great piece in #steemitbloggers
Yes the skill is a difficult one to learn and master but it is doable. Just keep working at it. Thank you so much for being here and this lovely comment.
Welcome back @sharoonyasir. As Steve Jobs so eloquently puts it, “it comes from saying no 1000 things to make sure we don’t get on the wrong track or do too much.” Doing too much is a killer and motivator for depression. Love yourself more, say no to the things you don’t feel like it, and say yes to the things that excite you :)
How beautiful! I love it when people write fantastic quotes in the comments and just make the post stand out. Thank you so much.
Oh yes, set those boundaries, woman!! Your insight is a really important one that folks often miss - saying no and setting boundaries helps the other person as well! Go you!
Yes setting boundaries is just so important and something I didn't do for a long time. Thanks for your input <3