I'm so excited about this @ecotrain question of the week. I suggested it to my fellow passengers because I think play is incredibly important. I think it can make the difference in living a profoundly happy life. Abraham Hicks has been very clear that the best way to manifest anything you want in your life is to just get happy. Happiness is almost certain when you play. I also suggested it because I feel like I've let play slip from my life.
What is Play?
This, I believe, is the most important question about play. So many people think of play in connection with toys. Play can involve toys, and I do like certain toys. I love blocks a lot. Play doesn't have to involve toys, and when it does, those toys might not really be children's things. Play can happen anywhere, with people or alone and with or without objects.
My favorite definition of play is “anything you get so immersed in that you lose track of time.”
Adults definitely need more playtime, but it helps to look at kids to learn what play is and does and how it works. My kids are incredible players. They are unimaginably creative. Their play spaces have changed over the years. Little children, in particular, are great teachers of play because they don't care as much what others think. Children, like all mammals, use play to learn how to adult. They play store, cooking, baby dolls, building, and incredibly intricate scenes of interpersonal conflict. Through their play, they not only learn how to adult, they also learn how to solve problems, find solutions, and express their creative genius. Through this process they learn the joy and deep connection that comes with play.
As we move into adulthood, our play changes. Hopefully we have learned at least basically how to adult. If we are wise, I think we continue to bring playfulness to problems and solutions. The free mental space created in play allows us to find creative solutions. This is why so many big companies have started having play spaces and events for their staff. There is also a big advantage of play in creativity and deep connection.
Honestly, I think there are two almost distinct types of play for adults. We can bring play and playfulness to a variety of spaces. I often tell people that anything can be play. You can bring playfulness to a work meeting, cooking, cleaning, the dishes even! You simply have to be willing to play with it. You turn on the radio to do the dishes. You work games into your meetings. When you play through things that could otherwise be drudgery, they go faster and are also fun and more productive.
The other way to play is to really drop into your play spaces. Your play spaces are the things you really enjoy. These are the things you can do for hours and feel like it has been five minutes. These are the things that make you feel connected to a higher power. My oldest son plays guitar. He can play for hours. In fact he feels off when he doesn't play. My older daughter paints and cooks. Again she feels off without them. It took me a long time to realize what my play spaces are. I was discouraged in almost any artistic endeavor when I was young. I've figured it out, though, and if you don't know yours, I encourage you to find them so you can intentionally devote time to them. Mine are water, writing, cooking, and deep conversations.
Water reconnects me every time. Laying in the bath, floating in the ocean or the pool, listening to the waves or the river or the waterfall. Water connects me back to the center and source of who I am. I can happily spend entire days in and around water, even though it is otherwise very hard for me to be still.
Writing and cooking both come and go. In both cases, it has a lot to do with my head space going into it. This post is such a good example. I've been wanting to write about play for so long. It's incredibly important to me, and I also know it is something that I need more of in my life. Then suddenly I had to write about it. There was a deadline. Normally even that would not deter me. This should be something fun for me. I know a crazy lot about it. However, I've been writing blogs for this company for $, so I've been writing a lot lately, mostly about really boring shit. My last post was about the best cars for winter driving. Barf. So I think I'm kind of burned on writing right now. It's the same with cooking. The day to day grind of food on the table to feed children can be such drudgery. But if I get inspiration to write or to cook, it is a whirlwind of joy and play. I think I'm also very barely holding off depression. It's making everything a challenge.
Deep conversations was the first play space I realized. The first time someone asked me what I could do and never notice the time, that was my first thought. I love to talk, and I love to listen. I love to share and grow ideas. I love to connect deeply with people. I love to feel their heart. I love to taste the pure bliss of their dreams.
There are lots more too, of course. I love to sing and dance. I love to walk in the woods. I love to travel, to experience new people and places and foods and beers. Those are all actually really big ones at certain times in my life.
Why is play so important?
My beautiful friend Emmeth is one of the most amazing players I've ever known. He truly changes the world through play
So, it's awesome to really drop in and get lost in something that brings you joy, but there's even more than that. I believe the bliss feeling that comes with play is at least partly connection to God. This is where you feel the power of the spirit. Nurturing that connection, I believe, does wonders for your physical and mental health. It also opens up your creativity and allows you to find new solutions. I truly believe if everyone played more, we would be solving problems much faster.
One of the greatest benefits of play is for relationships. Work or personal, with partners, friends, or children. Playing together absolutely transforms relationships. If your relationships are in need of attention, skip dinner and a movie. Go kayaking or to a water park. Go jump on a trampoline. Go dance or play music. Paint. So often relationships become absolute drudgery. Day after day. As our children grow, they go through stages where they're really quiet. It can be very unnerving. It gets hard to remember that little toddler you colored with. You worry that quiet means distance or worse. Get out the coloring book again and just sit together and color. Let them talk when they're ready. Playing heals relationships in a way nothing I have ever seen does.
When I first moved to Belize, I wanted to start a play resort. We were gonna have a water trampoline and kayaks and SUPs and a pool. We were gonna do scavenger hunts and play adventures and drumming nights. We were gonna offer families a place to reconnect and remember why they ever loved each other in the first place. We weren't able to raise the money to start it, so it fell through, but I still think it's a really good idea.
A word on playing with kids and what a “hell yes” is.
I know a lot of parents feel bad for not playing with their kids more. Obviously I think you definitely will benefit from playing more with them. However, it's really important to teach our kids authentic yeses. For me, I will sometimes find a place in me that is willing to play, even if the rest of me is tired, but I very rarely play things I don't really love. It's important to find shared play spaces you both enjoy. For example, I don't dig playing barbies. It's just not fun for me. So, when my daughter wants to play with me, we find something we both like - reading, coloring, painting nails, etc. With my boy, I don't really dig action figures or cars, so mostly we play blocks or Legos, which is really fun for both of us. Of course we all love swimming in the sea, so that is one we all get into together. I find I'm more often willing to play when I set this structure that allows me to do what I enjoy.
Much love, y’all!
As always, all pics are mine or pixabay unless otherwise noted.
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I think I need to redefine what play and fun are in my head. I like that you find common ground when it comes to play with your kids. :)
When all these ideas were brought to me, it was totally revolutionary. I was blown open and experienced some incredible growth. It was a beautiful time in my life. Just find the things you really, truly want to do that actually bring you deep joy and contentment. Then pursue them relentlessly.
Finding common ground with the kids has been so helpful. I'm just much more likely to want to play and enjoy it. Playing from obligation is boring, and letting them dictate all the conditions of the play doesn't teach them good skills.
what a beautiful inspiring post!!
this is so true.. some of my best ideas come in that space - in between - ... i also love to play through deep conversations.. that is one of my most favorite things in life. a bottle of wine, a candle, a view as the sun sets... dang, that leads to some good conversations... :) i'm glad you suggested this question this week!
Thank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed it! I feel so strongly about the power of play.
Let's add a bar of dark chocolate to that list and call it a date!