It's the little things, like sentient trashcans, that make these days special! Fun is all about perspective.
Definitely give 'not hotdog bait' a try. I have tried a lot of baits in my life and I have had, admittedly anecdotally, much more success with the not-hotdog line of baits.
LOL! - You're hilarious!
You have quite the sense of humor yourself!