In class the other day I congratulated my student on his recent marriage and asked if the planning had run smoothly. He talked about the price and having no savings left and mentioned that the wedding went really well but the worst part was having to dance.
Scared to move
They had gone to 4 or 5 classes so that he could learn how to dance a basic waltz and he had found it really uncomfortable and awkward. Leading up to the day, he was increasingly anxious about having o dance in front of family and friends. For him, this was his worst nightmare made reality.
We explored this a bit and since the class was about altering narratives to change personal results, I decided to find out why he doesn't like dancing. Now, I already knew, it is quite obvious in Finland as the reason most men don't like dancing is because they find dance itself feminine. Real men don't dance and those that do are gay. Or in Finland, very drunk.
Old school dance
This is a relatively recent phenomena in the history of society as dance itself dates back past the keeping of any records. Dance was likely used as some ritualistic offering to the natural gods and later as a way to build or celebrate the forming of relationships which is of course seen as a natural act.
Even now, essentially all couple dances have their roots in relationship building from the smooth and sensuous Argentinian Tango, the flirtatious Cuban Rumba or the playful Salsa.
It is always interesting when I hear that 'dancing is gay' as I do not understand how dances that were formed on building romantic relationships can be, other than via the social and cultural representations of dance.
Dance stories
In the case of my student, he has grown into a Nordic view where men sit at the bar and drink while the girls dance in small groups of friends on the dance floor. But, if he had been born in Cuba, he would have likely grown up watching his parents dance in the kitchen, the neighbours in the street and the community everywhere without ever taking a formalised lesson.
Dance in some countries is part of the cultural learning and carries important societal information within. This information carried is how many find their partners as it is passed through the connections of dance and social celebration. Without the formal structure of learning, it becomes a language in its own right with each person creating their own style based on basic grammar rules as well as each person interpreting the movements of others in their own way.
There is something to the idea that how a person dances is indicative of how they may be in other physical ways also as it is an understanding of the body and the ability to read the body of another. What does standing at the bar drinking while the women move their bodies indicate?
Beautiful sights
I dance Salsa, Kizomba and Bachata with Bachata probably my strongest. I have been mistaken or labelled as gay often throughout my life yet, I would say that there is no woman I have ever danced with that would make the mistake. I have also taken people too dance events and parties who are not dancers themselves but have quickly reconsidered.
There is a lot in this world that is beautiful but one of the most wonderful things to see is a woman who understand her body and confidently dances. It doesn't matter the looks, the height, the size, the clothes, the colour, she is undeniably gorgeous. Of course, that is my opinion and I fell for my wife long before I spoke with her as I watched her dance Salsa, so I am heavily biased.
Dance, even if you can't
But, going back to my student, the narrative he holds about dancing is able to be shifted. The majority of the people I dance with are Finnish and at some point held the same narrative that when men dance it is gay. What they learned though is that most women like men who can dance, even if they can't dance well and there are many stereotypical engineer types grooving away to music with lyrics they can't understand.
The women I have talked to about this concur as a man that is willing to do something they are not good at and enjoy it still, laugh at themselves and have fun on the dance floor are the kinds of guys they are more likely to want to get to know. The one's drinking at the bar are missing out in two ways as the dancers rarely drink as much and are therefore more likely to be decent in a conversation.
Of course, this is just a bit of fun and if one doesn't dance, there is no great harm but acting as if one grew up in the 'Footloose' town is also quite silly. Dance is fun and there are plenty of great people and communities to be a part of. Some are social event dances like Salsa whereas others like ballroom are more structured and formalised but, there is likely a dance that fits just about anyone who is willing to become a beginner at something again.
Give it ago, come across to the dance side.
Taraz
[ a Steemit original ]
Nice post. Agreed, it's always good to get out and dance
Most people just have stage fright and that's why they are shy about dancing! But I believe that we should always be open to new experiences. Btw awesome article!
Yes, this is right. A guy with stage fright, just what a girl wants ;)
This is of course less about the relationship side and more about the get out of the comfort zone and explore the world.
Absolutely right! I wish more people would try to get out of their comfort zone, they would have so much more fun!
@tarazkp I believe a major part of calling something gay is insecurity. I have danced Salsa with men even though I'm heterosexual. I don't mind because if you feel secure about your body, you can focus more on what you actually want to do (living in such an open city as Cologne is a bonus; any other German city would not look very kindly on it; but again: I don't care)
I actually have the same goal as you: to get the people to dance (Salsa) and become more secure with their body. I have made a video where I dance with complete strangers who've never danced Salsa before, to show that anybody can do it. If you want to check it out, I've posted it here:
https://steemit.com/life/@germansalsero/i-bet-you-can-learn-how-to-dance-salsa-and-i-have-proof
I am from Belgium and its kind of the same way. Personally I have always admired people who can dance (i used to have no rithm whatsoever but have managed to train it a bit over time)
And I have learnt not to care what other people think of me so I just go out and enjoy myself.
Even though im not gay i wish i would be able to dance the salsa or batchata but i cannot even hear the difference so its hard
@felander I'd recommend you to listen to Bachata and Salsa playlists on YouTube. Something like this:
And try and pick out each individual instrument one by one. Bachata and Salsa have a different combination of instruments, so when you've listened to many Salsa/Bachata songs and picked out the individual instruments, you know which ones are typical for each type of dance.
This then also helps you with the rhythm, because when you can pick out individual instruments, you can easily hear the beat of each of them (eg. the clave in Salsa with a 2-3-5-6,5-8 beat). That way you can find the 1 on which to start. Just like finding a needle in a haystack; Separate the stack into much smaller stacks, otherwise it's way too overwhelming. Hope that helps ;)
ah cool, i never thought to do it this way, this is really helpful
i will put some playlists in the car on the way to work, on top it will help me arrive happy to work
Glad to help :)
I have actually danced Bachata in Belgium, in a bar in Brussels a few years ago with my wife. She has a lot more skill than I but I enjoy myself so she will dance with me still :)
i think disco dance is fake and gay
Lol. Perhaps it is because it was not designed for couples?
good post👍👍😊😊
TY
👍👍
I guess headbanging doesn't count as dance?!
I think is manly at least.
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