She waited her whole life to be useful, to be able to do something, give something back. It was a long wait, from the court ruling in 2325. She applied every year, for ten long years. Every year, she was rejected.
No matter how many times it happened, there is no getting used to that sting. She tried to convince herself she had expected it, that she hadn’t hoped at all. It wasn’t true, she had let that tiny crack in, and the little solid ground she had slipped away with each rejection letter.
She lived her life like a hamster. A burden to those around her, running with all her might, getting nowhere. This is all she would ever be.
It stung her every day, every day she got up, and knew she was nothing. Her state sponsored match grimaced at the sight of her, recoiled from her touch. She couldn’t blame him either. She felt a rising gnaw of guilt about it. He was stuck with her as much as she was. It must be worse for him, successful, weighed down by her. State sponsored matches were guaranteed. She would never stop feeling bad about letting him get saddled with her.
He would stand there, screaming at her, spittle flecked her streaked face as she nodded. He was always right. There was no point in saying anything, what could she say to him? It would be inane, misguided, speaking only ever showed her up. At least in silence, her stupidity was less obvious.
He was entirely forgettable, that was his super power, a zero score. She envied it every day, she was too much of a walking disaster for anyone to forget.
She walked into a room, and saw the shadow pass over faces. Her again. Eyes would pin her to the spot, cataloguing her every moment. It would all have to be fixed later.
Trapped in a system she could only ever let down. It ate away at her every day. In this modern world of scoring, she represented a negative number. She didn’t need the band on her wrist, glowing an astounding minus five, to tell her that.
She had never even met a minus four, let alone another minus five. She had no idea how the system has landed her with someone who had a balanced score. She who drained so much, matched with someone perfect, who gave as much as they took, and nothing more.
She could never fathom why she, with her lower than low score, was rejected. The Frellian Seacow system was perfect for people like her, scores beyond saving.
She hadn’t allowed herself to even dreams of the Frellian seacows, their lounging life on the sands.
Ten years she waited, then finally, it happened.
He came to her at the kitchen table, smiling. Smiling at her…
She panicked, she must have done something wrong. In ten years, she had never impressed him, never given him reason to smile.
The red letter, edged in white lacing. Acceptance.
“You got in” he said, dropping the opened letter on the table before her.
She reached forwards, excitedly scrambling for the folded sheet of paper inside.
“How much longer do I have?” he asked, although she could tell by the refolded lines, he had already read the letter.
“Two weeks” she said, smiling herself, her eyes stinging with the blush of emotion.
“So you’re ditching me then?” he said,
What…? Ditching him…? He hated her, every day he failed to hide it.
“I thought you wanted this…?” she said, the joy gone from the moment.
He just looked at her, his cold eyes fixing her with his usual distasteful stare. She couldn’t hold his gaze. His hard eyes cut into her. She glanced down, her eyes returning to the paper lay on the table.
ACCEPTED - FRELLIAN SEACOW - YEAR 2335
By the time she tore her eyes away, his back was disappearing through the kitchen doorway.
Doubt, confusion filled her. He had wanted this, she had been sure of it. This was all she had to offer, all she could do, and in doing so, she would set him free. He would get rematched. Anyone would be better than her…
For the first time in years, she let air at the spark of anger that grew inside her. He had spent the entire time they were matched telling her how she dragged him down, how she tainted everything. He had always been the first to point out how unskilled she was, calling her low score generous in his rage. She had stood there, and nodded. Fucking nodded. She had agreed with him every single time he had torn her to bits, stamped on her every desire. She had done this for him.
The unexercised anger fizzled out as quickly as it had risen.
He had been so patience, so understanding really. She knew that every day she had let him down. She had loved him from the moment she met him, she always would. He had done so much for her, he had only ever cut her down to prevent her getting hurt. He had helped her, she knew that. She would have fallen flat on her face, set a new record and dropped to a minus six, if it wasn’t for him. He had looked after her, even made her happy.
He had done so much for her, this was all she could do for him, and now this wasn’t right either…?
It was too late, he had known she applied every year. He had been the one that suggested it, the first year they were together. There was no way to withdraw an application that had already been accepted. She had enjoyed her life with him, this was the best ending she could have hoped for.
She would become a frellian seacow, she had given her word, and there was no going back.
She would live in undeserved luxury, stretched out in the sun, for six months. Six months, and then she would give back the greatest gift of all. Life.
Her sweetened flesh would nourish the sickly of another generation. Freillian seacows, the most revered sacrifice. All she had to offer.
I don't like this story, oh no! I just didn't have time to write another. A world where people are ranked, and scored based on what they can give back, and the devastating impact of a really low score, with the added incentive of self sacrifice.
This was written as an entry to @tygertyger 's #electricdreams contest - I am a few hours over the deadline so this may not count. Give her a follow to catch the next round!
Nice post.
Hi Lame-o^^ Nice to meet you.
Nice too meet you too
Thank you :) - it is a great contest to write for!
What a sacrifice!!
Unconditional love...
I'm glad you entered this time around too.
Thank you, I didn't make the deadline though so it doesn't count for the prizes, I don't mind, it is just fun to join in. I knew right away how those two prompts would fit together for me, the seacows would be the an euphemism for the people who were "on the menu", and I really wanted them to be willingly on the menu. I don't really like how it came out but I feel better about posting it now :) - thank you!
That's ok. Maybe Tyger lives in a time warp.