Like A Roller Coaster Ride...EMOTIONS

Emotions
My emotions are all over the place
….Like…
A Roller Coaster Ride….
Very excited and feel so blessed for our 3rd child,
Kind of sad just cause I feel like my other 2 boys will be jealous
Or…
Think their mommy don’t love them since our 3rd child is coming into the world:(
But…
I know they know…
I love all of them equally and unconditionally.
No one can ever take that LOVE that I have for them away.
I’m like a glass that’s very FRAGILE nowadays.
I can be broken in a second
And…
No one really knows.
Just cause…
All I do is to keep on smiling or half smiling:)
All these emotions inside is sometimes hard to control.
I’m sometimes…
Over Sensitive
Or what they call,
O.A.
Sometimes I feel lost and not wanted.
Sometimes I feel so happy and nothing/no one will destroy that.
Yes,
I can seriously say these days,
I’ve taken all my emotions towards to my hubby mostly.
I do think about,
Man,
Am I that bad to him?
OR I question myself,
Why do I do that to him?
It’s not my intentions at all.
Can’t always blame my pregnancy hormones
but …
Why do I do that?
Is it because he pushes me til I get very annoyed,
To aggravation,
To frustration,
To anger?
Are my buttons really pushed ,
And…
He just doesn’t know it?
Shhhhshhh….
These are what runs through my mind everyday.
I hope all the badness in myself
Goes away soon.
My question to myself is …
How to start over again with my emotions?
Forgiveness has taken its place and its course,
But…
Forgotten all the hurts…
Ummm…
Is it still there in me... not voluntarily?
Or...
Is it still healing?
Or…
Is it just a trial?
Wish there’s a button so all the traumatic experiences and events in my life
That’s unwanted …
Disappears.
All I can do is really,
Turn to our most Highest, Merciful God!
Whether through praise songs,
Listening to readings/homilies,
Quotes,
That just helps eases my emotions.
Don’t get me wrong,
Whether my emotions right now is all over the place,
I’m the most blessed person and content with my life now…
Yes so sound weird,
But no regrets.
Whether I gets psst off and mumbles things to myself,
I am still thankful and grateful to have a family like mine:
My hubby, FX, Logan, Baby 3...
Whatever happens,
They are always by my side always.
They may not know it
But,
I feel their love in their own special way:)
And…
I LOVE EACH ONE OF THEM TO THE FULLEST!
I WOULD SO DIE FOR THEM!
Believe it or not,
That’s how I Love and Vow to them!!!
I’m their #1 Love and Fan:)
Like what I said earlier,
My Emotions …
Are Just…
Everywhere!!!
Understand or not !!!
It’s all over the place!!!