Since my journey in life has led me down a path where I find myself frolicking in a field of demolished assumptions, be they old ones of mine or the pummeled and shriveled assumptions once held by others, I'll go ahead and continue leaving a trail of abandoned bad thought patterns in my wake. {sips coffee}
Let me start with addressing what I am not saying, as I think it is a worthy preface to the points I want to make here.
I am NOT about to tell anyone that feeling entertained, or that entertainment--or the industry thereof--is somehow a bad thing. That is not at all what this is about. I love entertainment, and entertainment can come in many forms, be it intellectual, spiritual, emotional, physical, etc.
What I am addressing here is the different forms in which an unhealthy and irrational thought pattern reveals itself among some individuals.
For this piece I want to look at just one of the forms that the illogical assumption comes in, then I will address the underlying assumption that all forms point to at the end of this article and in the conclusion of Part 2 as well.
Let's look at when someone says that another person bores them, as a matter of complaint, such as:
"You bore me",
"you're boring",
"you're not interesting", etc.
What most people THINK they mean when they say that:
"You ought to have done something differently, to be effectively entertaining to me," or "you did something wrong/incorrect which goes against my personal preferences for what entertainment entails".
What most people really mean, SUBconsciously:
"What you presented doesn't align with my own pre-determined preferences, and it should have, because it's your job to somehow know what will entertain me AND appeal to that, but you failed, and that's your fault."
"My own feelings didn't enjoy that, my own feelings are not under my own control and I blame you for my lack of enjoyment, since I it's up to you to make me feel/experience something good and satisfying."
The complainer in question did not find anything they valued in that person/thing--emotionally, mentally, physically, or otherwise.
Remember here that this scenario could apply to entertainment in any form. It could be someone declaring a youtube video about history is boring, or an author's writing is boring, or someone dancing on a stage is boring, or a conversation being had is boring. For purposes of this article, what matters here is addressing the assumption that often underlies a complaint about others.
Necessarily, that is a result of the inner construct and layout of the person whining that they are bored.
Since value is subjective, not everyone will find value where this person does, and still many others will find value where this person did not. No person or thing outside them can understand fully the inner workings of that person and what will or will not entertain them or bring them value. At best, humans can guess from observing other humans what SOME humans might (as a general rule) find useful, interesting, valuable, or entertaining.
No SINGLE individual can know ahead of time for certain that any other individual, who they've not previously known or interacted with, will or will not find value in something they did, said, or in the media they produced.
As a human with basic human needs, I can at best guess that most humans will at some point find certain things valuable any given day: food, clothing, shelter, compensation for goods or services, things surrounding basic survival.
But at any single moment in time, having not interacted with another individual before in any form, it is not up to me to control him and MAKE HIM find value in what I am doing or saying.
Effectively, the person who declares "I'm bored by you!" is really saying "I find nothing of value here!" which is a declaration about who THEY are and has nothing whatsoever to say about the person or thing they did not see value in.
"That thing has NO value! IT is boring!" The person whining cannot only NOT know that, he cannot control whether it will or won't be so for other humans. No one can declare something else is or is not boring, or lacking value, they can only reveal that the construct of their own mind and emotions sees no value in that thing.
To complain that someone else did not give you any value you expected to get, is to essentially say:
"I had an expectation, you didn't meet it, and you should have!"
Did I have an obligation to meet your expectations?
Did I promise I would?
Where did you get the assumption that other people's lives ought to be focused on what YOUR entertainment preferences are and on trying to meet them?
When I put myself/my work out into the world, did I--by doing so--promise that every individual would find it entertaining and valuable?
Did I claim I was objectively worthy enough to entertain you in some fashion?
The complainer has complained, and in reality has whined about HIMSELF, and and who HE (or she) is, and has said absolutely zero about what was presented to him, by simply crying "Boring!"
Someone who understands and is aware that it is up them to find value in something or to not, will look for value in something and when they don't find it they will either:
- move on to something with value
OR
- they will actually communicate to the other person, in some form, specific ways that "entertainer" could provide value to the person who initially found none, or provide future value to others, in ways that "entertainer" perhaps may have overlooked or not considered yet
It is always, and has always been, up to you.
{Thanks for reading, everyone! Follow me for Part 2: "That's Not New Or Original!"}
Looking forward to part 2
While I won't 'demand' the world around me entertains me (as its a negative flow, a mode of complaining), I know that is why the world exists: to have fun and be entertained. But having said that I know it is my responsibility to keep myself in a positive flow so fun and entertainment come along naturally and effortlessly.
And your last sentence revealed that you understand the point of my entire article.
The foisting of responsibility on others, on the external world, rather than on the self, is why people so often "feel bored" or lack the ability consistently feel satisfied with their interactions in the world around them. They have left their own amusement and fulfillment up the wide world, up to the whim of other things, rather than taking ownership of their emotions and thoughts, and taking responsibility for their own pleasure.
Yes, I agree 100%. That is exactly why some feel bored. It also takes a boring person to be bored too XD
Yes, it is definitely about taking responsibility for the world around me. None of these 'blame' and 'name' games. Its funny how many 'adults' are stuck in this mode though. Very funny really. But really if I don't accept I am the creator of my world then I don't deserve to have pleasurable experiences. That is the whole point of negative experiences, to wake each being up to the fact that really the world is like a hologram reflecting my own state of being.
Keep up the great posts btw :)
it's funny how incentivizing has begun to change the social media platform. No more penalty free thumbs up.... I like how you described it in the broadcast with Larken and Jeff..... people are digging deeper to entertain.
Shifted from "You are boring" to "you are idiots for not appreciating my gems!" to "I gotta work at this". Already followed and enjoyed :)
If someone puts genuine effort into something, it has value. With that said, just because you dislike something, doesn't mean it's valueless.
I could say that every talking point on the mainstream media is more valueless than someone painting a turd, but this is because I understand that politics are a shit-show. Regardless, I can't expect to be mentally entertained or stimulated by people and/or content of low intellectual value. I want to think, I want to learn, therefore, I surround myself with like-minded individuals. I don't bitch if someone isn't entertaining or interesting because I cannot expect them to be. It's not their responsibility to entertain me.
99% of people who will tell someone "you're boring" are only doing so because they lact tact, thought, and the ability to create conversation. They expect others to satisfy their empty need for entertainment, whatever it may be. Fuck them. Who cares. Find the others who are like you and proceed to create conversations and friendships that hold real value.
Thanks for the thought-provoking post. Followed.
Much appreciated. And I love that final paragraph, which shows you see the same things I see (we all love knowing "I'm not the only one!").
I love provoking thoughts and good thought experiments, so if I can be a catalyst for someone going on a mental journey, that's really all I need to feel a sense of satisfaction about sharing my thought processes.
Brilliant, ive come across this a LOT, I usually just get up and leave when I sense this type of behavior in someone, im nobodys entertainer and no one is mine.
Really looking forward to part to, it sounds like something that i see alot online when content is posted by others and I see it all the time!
I try to value all opinions, especially dissenting ones to avoid confirmation bias. That's why I follow such a wide array of people on this site: to get different perspectives.
However, there are posts I just don't find interesting, I don't blast my personal opinion and make someone feel bad, I just choose to not give the subject as much mental energy as things I'm passionate about. But I think part of being an enlightened individual, as you allude to in your post, is maintaining that things can have value despite them not being your cup of tea.
Nice blog though, glad I found it through the facebook group. Followed and looking forward to part 2
Appreciated very much, thank you. Yes, part of being enlightened is what you described, which I think is just a form of humility. It is the understanding that while I may find something valueless, I recognize that that is largely because of where my goals are, and who I am, and it does not necessarily reflect back a truth about the thing itself.
100% agree. This belief is exacerbated by the amount of instant entertainment we can find on our phones. The demand for entertainment is instant. People don't know what to do without their phones.
If a comedy show or movie pre show doesn't allow phones, it's like someone is telling them they have to cut their embilical cords and have to give away their baby to a stranger.
We need instant gratification we cannot spend a moment just enjoying what's around us. I'm noticing more and more how I need time to be away from technology and unwind.
Listened to you on the Dollar Vigilante and had to follow you and see what you had to bring. Definitely not disappointed and hope you continue to enjoy the community and are inspired to make thought provoking content.
Seems this is a byproduct of feeling entitled too. Starting to recognize the largest plumage of this mindset correlate with the highest concentration of people receiving entitlements. Great topic, enjoyed that, thanks!
I couldn't read it all because..... YOU'RE BORING! - Just kidding , Great post
It could be pretty much summed up in two words. Filter bubble. Most live within their own sets of standards. Everything from the outside needs to fit their own point of view.
Sadly, some professional critics actually do say explicitly "That thing has no value. It is boring."
They're dicks.
And that's an absolute truth, not just a personal opinion.
(OK then, in the interests of fairness, it's dickish behaviour. They may be perfectly lovely people.)
LOL!
I noticed someone down voted the post, which is weird and unusual, and there's no constructive criticism in the comments in any way, so there's one of those critics (dicks) for you! :P
All my favourite writers have multiple downvotes.
I've often wondered what a writer finds more upsetting: not knowing why someone was offended (I wouldn't care; someone's always offended by something) or a post that has multiple upvotes but a comment section that's a ghost town (I suspect that would feel very unsatisfying).
I always feel a little guilty upvoting without commenting. It's the difference between someone throwing a tip in a jar as they walk past vs shaking your hand and thanking you for some specific aspect of your work.
The only one who can entertain you is yourself. Think your own mind has to accept the entertainment. Entertainment may be offered by yourself and others around you.
Great perspectives shared in your post! :)
This explains something I've often wondered about. How can people complain about being bored when there are so many things to do and think about in the world? They are simply not taking responsibility for finding their own entertainment. It makes sense because they are usually people who also blame others for everything that they don't like in their lives. It is all about taking responsibility for ones own life.
Well said. With the right mindset a body can find entertainment in a wide variety of things. It proves the saying " your attitude determines your altitude". Thanks.
I think this same sentiment could be said for someone who criticizes another person's communication style:
Meaning that for every idiosyncratic way someone may choose to express their ideas there are other people that will appreciate it and others who won't! The complainer says more about themselves than about the communicator.
Agree/disagree?