I always loved being with the crowd older than me. When I was about to enter middle school, I was already hanging with teens. Our church group was a bit different as they were part of a music band and I got to travel with them.
One time while at a hotel after a show, someone taught me how to play a particular card game.
My buddy put down his card, then started laughing. He looked to his left and to his right, then let loose the loudest fart I had ever heard. We all fell to the floor laughing diabolically.
The problem with laughing is if you do too much you have to take in deep breaths. And we did. And it was disgusting. But for some reason that made us laugh more. This methane laughter cycle was so bad I started crawling towards the exit. But I was laughing so hard I could barely move.
My buddy lets loose another methane bomb and I can't even breathe I am laughing so much.
I finally get the strength to crawl to the exit and push open the door. I was relieved to get fresh hallway air (relative to ground 0) and called for help.
I know some folks poke fun of the lactose intolerant crowd, but the aforementioned war scene is just one of the dangerous episodes that can happen if someone can't handle dairy.
We are blessed there were no smokers in the room.
After years of doing my thing, I called up that old gassy friend and told him I was dealing with the same issues, but not from dairy. He was living in Spain at the time and paid for me to fly over and visit him. He since I last knew him got a PhD in flatulence and had started a gas research lab. He had gone so far in his tool development, that he could do a dna analysis from analyzing a far in a glass jar.
He revealed to me that my issue may have happened from inhaling too many of his "rocket fumes" and brought me in for analysis. He paid for the lab work and the results came back positive for a rare genetic mutation. Somehow I was fumigated so heavily as a pre-teen it altered my dna to have the same symptoms as a lactose intolerant person who ate 20 cheese boards.
I asked him if there was anything I could do to reverse the curse and he said one of his Phds was writing a paper on reversing the dna corrupted by farts, but he said they are still in the early stages.
He did say some folks in the finance department had developed a system to allow the belly bloated with gas to be a boon. You essentially pass gas in a closed loop system and sell it.
Send it to a lab, and they send you money. Apparently high grade methane has a high market value because is great at the following:
- Clean energy production
- Vehicle fuel
- Hydrogen production
He apologized for transmitting his condition to me, but said, "Even passing gas can earn passive income."
He gave me a methane miner and a kit to ship my gas to his lab and I realized I had entered the dawn of a golden era where I could literally be paid while sitting on my ass.