“Good morning, Sir!” the guards greeted me as I arrived at the hospital’s entrance. Their familiarity with me as a visitor is becoming sadder each day, as my father still lies on his hospital bed waiting for his death.
One of the guards asked about when the patient at Room 211 will get out perhaps noticing that I have been in and out regularly.
“I do not know,” I answered honestly.
Last Friday marks the third week that my father has been admitted to the hospital, only a week shorter of his last confinement in August 2017. And the more he stays there, the more our hospital bill balloons and the more my father suffers.
In my visit today, I have noticed the difference of my father’s condition from the first day he was confined. He is now in his weakest state – he could no longer mobilize his lower body and he is not powerful enough to grab anything by his hand.
I know he does not want to give up on his life. At the same time, he wants to end the suffering.
But at this point, all we could do is wait. For his death. This is me being blunt.
My sister was in the hospital today, in charge of taking care of our father since last night. I came in the morning for the shift.
She told me about my father mumbling, in the middle of the night, a name of his friend that he seems to call. But that friend, Tito Rufo, has already passed away due to heart attack about this time last year.
I felt shivers down my spine when my sister told me that story. Was it a sign that our father will soon pass away?
When I and my father were left alone in the room as my sister left, I locked the door to have some moment with him. I started to talk, already sobbing at the sight of my father’s condition.
“’Pa, you can rest now. We are all tired and I know you are too,” I said while holding his hand. I gathered some confidence before I was able to say this.
He looked at me strangely in the eye, maybe surprised of what I uttered. I did not know what was running in his mind.
My father looked away. I heard no response. And then there was me, still crying and grasping his hand.
His words are already incomprehensible, and when he did talk he struggled to breathe due to the condition of his lungs. I thought that must be the reason why he did not reply.
Or maybe he was hungry but was too tired to say he was. Since last week, he drastically lost his appetite.
In my intention to make it all easy for everyone, especially for my father, I really meant what I said. That Papa can already rest.
The entire family has already reached the point of acceptance. It has been a week since the doctor delivered the news that my father is less likely to survive this, granting that we stopped giving meds and my father refusing to undergo dialysis.
Our hospital bill has already reached the Php150,000 mark. My mother and my older brother are taking care of it. They are borrowing some money from relatives while my father still is waiting for his (early) retirement benefits, now currently being processed.
Now let me ask you: am I heartless enough to say that I want my father to die already - in the most peaceful way possible? Because it is difficult for me and the rest of the family to see him suffer like this, at a point where we could no longer do anything. I will feel a lot better when he is already with the Lord.
I don't know if it's appropriate, but you were featured in my post as one of the steemians who never compromised quality over quantity in their posts. You can view it here:
https://steemit.com/writing/@ybanezkim26/elements-of-a-quality-content
Also, I sent you a token of appreciation for letting me dissect your post. Please check your wallet.
God bless to you and your father. I will pray for your comfort and your family.
Thank you for the feature, the gifts, everything, Kim. My intention with this post is to let others, like you who have helped me, know about the state of my father plus what I truly feel about the situation. I think I owe all of you an update how things have been.
You don't have to update us with the situation. You're not obliged to do anything. Just take care of your father.
Don't forget to take care of yourself too, Dion.
No. You dont sound heartless, my friend. You said those words to your father because you are being honest. You dont want him to die, you want him to take a rest with God. You dont like to see him suffer because he doesnt deserve it.
I have been with you in those 3 weeks... Again, my prayers for your father, for you and to your entire family.
Thank you, Christian. I do not really feel alone when I have Steemians like you who comfort me in this trying times.
Youre welcome, Dion.
I can feel the pain but I am of no right to judge you. Your family's strength is so adorable.
Let Thy will be done!
I dont know:( my heart is crying reading your post. Hang on tight, it will soon come to pass.
My father just passed away today. I came across your post because i was searching for other peoples experiences, maybe to make myself feel better. My dad got so sick so fast, and he was unresponsive but it felt like he was lingering for some reason. Myself or another family member had been by his side day and night. My mom decided we should all eat in the kitchen together and we weren’t out of the room more than 5 minutes when I went back to grab my mom’s water, and he was gone. I guess he wanted his privacy or didn’t want me or my mom to see him go. I don’t know. One of the last things he said was “I’m coming.” I feel every ounce of your pain, sir. I hope all the best for you and your family.
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STOPYou just want to make it lighter to each one of you that's why it's your decision. God bless everyone of you especially your father.