My Dad served in Vietnam with the US Army from 1970 to 1971. He joked a few times growing up that I might have some half brothers and sisters in Vietnam. Through years of researching online, Thuy found me through family trees on ancestry.com which had led to my uncle who then connected her with me for the DNA test. When I read the email she sent me asking to take the test, I immediately knew it was true before I was halfway through. Not coincidently, my wife @laurabanfield had bought us DNA tests for Christmas which we had not used for three months.
After just four weeks or so from taking the test, Thuy and I just matched at 21% on 23andme. A 21% match indicates a half sibling meaning we share one parent the same. With such a long wait to find her father, she booked a trip the first chance she got to come meet our father's family for Memorial Day weekend in Detroit because most of Dad's family is here still while he has passed on.
I write this I am flying to Detroit to meet Thuy because this is where Dad's family is from and I usually make a visit once a year (Note that I am now editing the original post about seven hours after I wrote it). As another of my sisters prepares for the meeting, she recommended I watch The Lost Children of Vietnam. I downloaded it this morning to my iPhone with Amazon Prime Video and watched it just a few minutes before writing this on the flight which I did.
After crying three times already this morning while feeling the emotions especially related to meeting Thuy, missing Dad, and leaving my eight month pregnant wife @laurabanfield behind with our daughter Madeleine in the new home we just bought and moved into last week, the fourth cry on the plane hit me with the most force. Note that I often cry every day or every other day whenever I experience significant discomfort instead of getting angry or numbing/avoiding the growing pains. To keep a piece of what some might call my dwindling man card, immediately after finishing the video I rested my head against the window in the front row to somewhat hide my face and feel safe.
I began thinking about everything related to this trip and invited Dad’s spirit to spark in my heart. “Show me everything” I said. As the tears began flooding out we started on Dad's death bed with his soul floating out of his cancer filled 63 year old body at the hospice. I saw him with me as I played Battlefield 4 with my friends on Xbox and got the call from Mom that he died. I saw him look in on each of my sisters that he had not seen in years (or maybe since before birth with Thuy) and their families. I saw him reunited with his father in a complete soul bonding. I watched him welcome his mother from her deathbed to make the crossover and watching us at the funeral. I saw him in the delivery room for my daughters birth. I watched him haunt me from his point of view as I screamed at him drunk a few months after he died.
I saw him walk me into my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting since 21 years old and show me how thankful he was after the meeting as I cried and felt the prayers for me after the meeting. I saw him helping Thuy and her husband with their search for him. I watched him listen to all my prayers in early sobriety and even posses my body as I drove by the liquor store in early sobriety with knowing I had to go in unless he drove the car. I watched him guide my words talking and listening to my mother through our grief. I saw him share his life with me as I felt rage at how he hit me and screamed at me as a child while I swore I would never do that to my child. I experienced some of his life in response to asking how he could have done that to me and now I understand.
I asked him to show me more and he showed me Vietnam where I saw a girl he loved get blown up by a bomb in a bar in front of him while she sang. I watched as he sat on his bed cursing at God for creating a life like this. I got brief visions of horrible cruelty as his fellow soldiers went through a village and slaughtered the people there for having killed one of their own despite Dad's protests. I watched him have an argument with my mother and then try to take his own life only to have my mother revive him before the ambulance arrived. As I zoomed out from this picture, I heard God asking me if I was sure this was the family I wanted to be born into because I got to see all this before I chose my mother and father as parents. I said yes! They need me and I will learn so much with them!
In coming out of this experience on the plane, I found this body a mess of tears running all over my shirt. Fortunately, the napkin the stewardess had given me the hour before was perfectly placed and I also thought to bring a little kleenex. I still feel disoriented as I write this just a few minutes after it happened with the mind world still reloading as the plane lands. I scrambled to put this in Evernote as fast as I could before I forget most of the details because the more of these experiences I read the more open I am to mine. Here is a photo right afterwards.
I have had many experiences like this since getting sober, praying, and asking for help. I am grateful for the chance to share this one with you today because I love reading about what I am calling a "spiritual experience." Every story like this reminds me what is real and what lasts forever in a world of this too shall pass. Our love, connections, and relationships are why we are here. The more I remember this the better my life is and the easier each lesson is for me to learn and even enjoy.
I love Steem because we have a place here to share stories like this and have the tools to help build our relationships directly with each other while maintaining the value we create. Thank you for reading about the beginning of my trip to Detroit to visit my family and meet Thuy for he first time! This is the first chapter of this story I have to share and the second is available now at https://steemit.com/family/@jerrybanfield/first-meeting-with-my-sister-from-vietnam-in-farmington-michigan-day-2.
Love,
Jerry Banfield
nice
It is difficult to understand why when we lose someone close to us we tend to appreciate them more afterwards. I hope you do well and make everlasting memories with your sister Thuy. Family is very precious.
Thanks for posting this. Good lesson for others like myself to learn from.
Wow! What an incredible story. I don't think I would cry at all but I would probably be in shock if I were you. I hope the meeting goes very well for you. :)
I'm pretty sure that you will have plenty of fun!
Such a reunion!
I love steem for sharing experience too; but mostly the engagement opportunity gives the experience a boost.
Great post Jerry 👏👏
wish you good luck
Very interesting story Jerry.
Can't wait for an update!
Tell her we say hi 🤗
this is a great write up, really love to get details from you, please upvote me "@small11"
congratulation jerry!! Hope you are now enjoying your new moment...
Such a great reunion. Tears inducing too. But you didn't show us the picture of your sis Jerry. Do say hi to her for me.
@eurogee
I intend to have some for today's update!
Cool!✌️
A story with a deep lesson we can get about life. You must be very proud of your dad for his serving for yiur country.
There is nothing like unconditional love
Hello Jerry Banfield, big fan of you, thanks for your great work on Steemit
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That is an incredible news it is good to have a sister arround the world.
Thanks for sharing your story Jerry. Behind those experiences you had is a great person, keep it up :)
I lived in Thailand for over 3 years, and really love SE Asia. It's amazing how Thuy found you, and now you're going over there to see him. I'm sure you're a little nervous and apprehensive as all these emotions from the past and coming back.
I'm looking forward to hearing more once you get there, and also seeing pix of Thuy and the family there. Safe travels and blessings on Laura & Madeleine while your away too.
It is a story with many experiences and emotions together, the way you express reaches the heart and it seems that I get inside the story seeing everything as it happened, I am enamcanted to read the continuation of your story. God bless you
Thank you @michellechristie I had what Brene Brown calls a vulnerability hangover last night after I posted this wondering what I had done lol.
Hi Jerrybanfield,
I could imagine all the emotions u are experiencing. I am looking forward to you next post when meeting your sister.
Huge fan of your work and life events @jerrybanfield thank you for putting me on steemit .
Normally I dont read to much from you to be honest, but this one really got me moving dude.!
Only briefly can another consider understanding what you are going through now, and for sure on this detroit journey these will not be the last tears shed.
A new phase has arrived! A new family member to be welcomed! (And one more in a month after).
These months will change you again forever dude. Cherish them!
@karinxxl thank you for reading this post and letting me know you did because I was hesitant to share so much here and your comment gives me hope following my heart and doing so was useful!
@karinxxl thank you for reading this post and letting me know you did because I was hesitant to share so much here and your comment gives me hope following my heart and doing so was useful!
Yawn
I wish you the best on meeting Thuy. You are brave in writing this and I hope you have fun on this new chapter of your life.
Sangat bermanfaat untuk kemajuan kedepan
Very useful for the future progress
Tears are a sign of strength Jerry. I wish all the best and hope your time with Thuy will help with your healing. Thank you for sharing with us.
I wish you the best on meeting Thuy. You are brave in writing this and I hope you have fun on this new chapter of your life.
i think brother and sister are the best frnd in the world.
and thanks share your family love story.
Thank you for a very personal post. I wish you that this is the beginning of a wonderful relationship. -i myself found a big part of my family in Portugal that was missing through the 2. world war, after researching them.
''Not coincidently, my wife @laurabanfield had bought us DNA tests for Christmas which we had not used for three months.''
dna tests for christmas... yeah right dude
my father fought ww1 he died yesterday
May his soul Rest In Peace
thanks bro
Love is what we need, love gives us strength and keeps us moving positively. I believe your life is filled with love. Best of luck.
Thanks for sharing this special story, Best wishes for you and your family ^_^ @jerrybanfield
you are huge here on steemit, congrats!
Very powerful story Jerry. I hope it all goes well for you and Thuy and the rest of the family. Your father’s ordeal is unbearably sad. Especially the one where he was helpless from stopping a massacre. May his soul Rest In Peace.
it is nice that you have the opportunity of meeting your step sister.this will be very interesting and you have fun in getting to know each other.
hope everything turns out well, i also have 2 half sister but i know them since their birth because my father did fall in love with another woman.
God bless for your comming baby. Take care.
Finding out that you have a half sister is not a small thing and I'm sure the reunion will be great. I didn't know that DNA tests were that easily available in the US.
Wow Jerry, this story touched me a lot and nearly made me cry. How wonderful to experience your fathers point of view like that. This really helps to heal old wounds. Thank you for sharing that with us!
Life is full of surprises so enjoy it.
It takes a big heart to widen what you know family to be. You are amazing, Jerry.
why are you crying ...? and what's wrong with your family ..? Are you living in isolation from your family so you do not know which brother you are in Vietnam ..? exactly from where the origin of your country was born ..? and why the Dna test purchased owwh your wife is not used for three months after buying it ..? and what is your present invention to meet your relatives or relatives ..? please clarify it clearly because I am very happy with you .., and want to know your background @jerrybanfield
The very best that life,love and family have to offer you and your new sister Thuy. I know I barely got here and have not even formally introduced myself to the community...yet...but please tell Thuy...that if she so desires...there's a terrific community here that wants to hear from her and her new found brother. Peace and blessings Jerry. You know when they say more will be revealed...they weren't joking. Stay close to your support group dude. This will be a seriously emotional time for you. And dude...
I hope you have a great trip! This story is incredible, no doubt. That's really cool you were able to use 23andMe to find more family. I've heard great things about them and how some are able to reconnect because of them. It's amazing what God shows us when we have an open heart. God bless you and your family!
Thank you for sharing Jerry. I think we all have our stories and I hope your's inspires others to share. I will be sharing mine certainly.
It's so incredible to know how we can go from such dark periods in life to healthy and new lives like you have now with your wife, daughter and incoming new baby.
Congratulations @jerrybanfield!
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