Imagine being a single-mum to a young child and not only having to mitigate the damage that a broken home does to you and your child but also having to sacrifice up to half of the precious time you cherish being a parent by sharing parental rights...Not an easy life and certainly not what you intended but you make the best of things and try to shield your child from the inevitable tensions this all-to-common situation brings with it.
image sourced from pixabay
Now imagine that one day you notice a bruise on your child, or your child mentions something that happened while with their dad that rings alarm bells. What do you do? Maybe you go into denial, as there is no way the person you once loved could cause harm to the child you created together. Or maybe you confront your ex-partner and hope for an innocent explanation, which you believe because acknowledging that your dearest gift in life is being abused by the one person you thought would never do such a thing, not to mention that you never thought he would be capable of such a heinous act, is incomprehensible. So now you accept and excuse this worrying event as nothing more than a misunderstanding or a misinterpretation. Things go back to normal, ish, but you have this doubt in your mind and, instinctively, you become ever-so-slightly more protective.
pic sourced from pixabay
A few days, or weeks, go by and your worst fears are confirmed. Your child flippantly says something that can't be mistaken for anything innocent. Your stomach churns and you feel physically sick, but after the shock subsides you collect your thoughts and decide to report a case of suspected child sexual abuse to the authorities. But what if you've got it wrong? If you go to the authorities and it's somehow not what you think, your actions will destroy everyone's life. But what else can you do? What other options are there? Other than arming yourself with something sharp and dealing with the situation yourself, which leads to your child being orphaned, you really don't have a choice. Anyhow, this is the first time you or your family has ever dealt with anything like this so reporting this crime to the Police is the obvious answer. In your mind, you will report this to the police and they will then interview your child in a respectful and sensitive way, after which they will arrest your child's abuser and lock him up. Now your child is safe and you can go about healing the wounds this monster has caused. This is how it will go, or so you think...
Nearly 2 years have passed since you spent a full day with your own child. Nearly two years since you put her to bed or made her breakfast in the morning. The skin under your eyes has turned raw from all the tears and you've lost so much weight your clothes no longer fit. You have been made to feel like a criminal and when you attend your supervised visit to spend that precious hour with your child you aren't even allowed to tell them that you miss them with all your heart(Because this will be reported to the Social Services and will be looked upon as "emotional abuse").
This is the price you have paid for trying to protect your child and not only has your child been taken away from you and placed into care, but you are also now a suspect in the investigation.
Things did not go the way you thought they would. The father lied to cover his deeds, obviously. Your child's police interview was harrowing but still not enough for the police to convict(For that they need physical evidence or an independent eye-witness). The social workers, once they realised the police weren't ready to back you up, have turned on you. They claim their responsibility is towards the child and making sure there is zero chance of abuse re-occurring, which to them involves throwing a nuclear bomb into your world. While the doctor's report confirms the abuse, the SS has no definitive proof which proves who the abuser is and to them, this means they have to suspect everyone, you, your mum and dad, your siblings, and anyone else who the father points his finger at in an attempt to redirect the blame. Until this case is closed the only way the child is safe is if he/she is taken out of the equation completely, this is how social services see things.
Unlike the police, the family courts can come to a judgment without the need for conclusive evidence, instead they use probability as a measure of guilt or innocence(sometimes both). But this takes time and involves a close-quarters battle within a tiny courtroom. As a mother, you will come face to face with the person you believe is the abuser. You will receive little protection from the verbal abuse hurled at you by the accused and nobody but your underpaid solicitor will speak on your behalf. Without tens of thousands of pounds to spare your solicitor will be paid via "Legal Aid", which is a tight budget only allowing for a certain amount of due diligence, so be prepared to become an amateur barrister yourself because if you don't learn how to read between the lines or spot the misrepresentations of your character and/or your intentions, then you will be destined to fail. Your child's fate and your god-given bond are on the line here so don't fuck this up!
This is certainly not how you thought things would happen, is it? But this is the fate of so many parents out there. I know this because the example I have just given is exactly what my sister is going through right now. And even after being cleared of any wrongdoing and finally hearing the judge declare that what her daughter had said from the start was true, even then, this nightmare will not end. It's a cruel process made even crueler by the inept people who have ordained themselves as Judge, Jury, and executioners. To be promised your child is coming home to you and then have that snatched away in the next breath because the father has found a way to appeal is a twist of the knife that should never be allowed. But it does happen and now you have to go through the whole process again. But more importantly, you are kept apart from your dearest love for even longer. And while you fight for her she grows up, has her first day at school, celebrates birthdays, Easter and Christmas, and all without you. These are precious years which any parent will agree are the most precious and they have been taken away from you, and for what? All because you reported the most despicable crime and tried to protect your child...
Through my years writing about forced adoptions and the corruption that's ingrained into the Social Services, CAFCASS, and the Family Courts, I've had many people try to tell me that this kind of thing doesn't happen regularly and that, on the whole, "the system" works and is not about profit or reputation. Those people are entitled to their opinions but I know full well they have not experienced the cold and callous ways of "Children's Services". I am just an eye-witness to one single case, however, the information is there and it speaks for itself...
Link to original study by Joan S. Meier
While I understand that even by having and understanding this information it leaves parents who face the same predicament stuck between a rock and a hard place. Nonetheless, I wish I would have known this before my sister's case began and I share this information with you in the hope that it can help others.
Thank you for taking the time to read this post.
If you would like to support families entrapped in Family Courts, you can help by spreading the information that's out there and using the #familyprotection tag in your post. @familyprotection was set up by @canadian-coconut & @markwhittam to help families like mine and the thousands of others fighting against forced adoptions.
Thanks again for your time and attention
This sure does make me appreciate the fact that my ex doesn’t come around.
I’m more often upset, for my child, that her father hasn’t seen her in ten years. And before that, was about 1.5-2 year gap.
Reading this post puts a different light on the situation.
Thank you.
Hi, thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment.
It's sad that kids are always the ones who suffer the most. I remember thinking about this a lot when me and my daughter's mum split up, we both got what we wanted but our child had her world tipped upside down. My sister's case with her ex is heartbreaking but unfortunately this kind of thing does happen more often than it should, which is why I write about it because people just aren't aware of how destructive social services can be.
This is an unacceptably long time for mother and child to be separated. And the final outcome is still uncertain!
I wish that you had better news to share with us by now. I am so sorry that members of your family are being destroyed by the organization that falsely proclaims it is helping children and families.
... Linda
Hi Linda and thanks for your support. I wish I could give you better news also. I'm gobsmacked how nobody saw this appeal coming. They told my sister that her girl would be home by the weekend and then it all changed, surely they should have known he would appeal?! Now because of covid restrictions the courts are backlogged and it's looking like we have to wait until May before we can go through the fact finding, again. Her solicitor has now applied for a top barrister because it's gone on so long and for some reason this allows for extra legal aid? Of coarse the father gets the same so he will also apply for a similar barrister but I've no doubt he'll get found out again, then we can be done with this horrible situation.
@article61, I want to be grateful to your work here, putting all this together. I am interested in seeing this crafted into many world languages and want to add to this with a German version. Do you mind a translation published in my account? Who do you want to see as a reward beneficiary to it and what percentage?
Before going any further, just allow me one question, please: You did a good job citing sources here. There is just one thing I find to be misleading and I want to ask you to clarify this. The text that ends with "and it speaks for itself..." appears to me to be written by Joan S. Meier, who is shown right below the cited title "Mothers Who ...". Yet I suppose it is not. Can you please clarify this, e.g. by mentioning the username @article61 below the text to be the source, if this is the case, or give a replicable source by who and where this text has been published before?
Thank you!
Hello @tonyamme and thank you for your interest and support. I would be very happy for you to translate this post. When I use the @familyprotection tag it is customary to give at least 50% of the payout to @familyprotection(I usually keep the staked part of the payout and send the liquid half to them). To answer your question, all the text up to “it speaks for itself” was written by myself. Everything after that is quoted from the articles/study papers I have sited. Hopefully all the links should be under each quote and/or screenshot. Please let me know when you have translated this and posted it as I would happily support that post. Thanks again and I hope I’ve helped out
Hi @article61,
Thank you for participating in the #teamuk curated tag. We have upvoted your quality content.
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This is a serious case. I mean the child abuse of a thing. Even here in Nigeria we have so many untreated cases here and there but I pray the Government come to our rescue so fast.
Thanks for your comment. It’s an international disease but I’m not sure the government will be our saviour, at least not in the UK. Maybe one day something will give and this kind of thing will be unheard of.
I am so sorry this heartbreaking situation is still on going. There is actually no words.