I have decided to start sharing in more detail
my experiences of growing up in the
foster care system
my experiences of growing up in the
foster care system
I believe these accounts and others like them to be of huge importance if we are ever going to convince the masses that THIS SYSTEM DOESN'T WORK and it MUST be replaced.
https://steemit.com/familyprotection/@markwhittam/surviving-foster-care
In my last post about the detrimental effects of growing up in Foster care I told you all about 'The Wall' and how building one, is the only way to counteract being massively let down by society.
The only thing is! once you've built that wall, it becomes much harder to form any kind of relationship whatsoever, even family members are off limits when you have a wall so it's easy to become detached.
As you can imagine, after such a long time of shutting everybody out it starts to have a serious effect on your ability to experience such pleasures as love, true friendship, trust, or any other relationship that requires you to let your guard down, deep inside you are totally isolated but on the surface you just about pass off as normal, in a hectic, messed up world where no one has time to give a fuck, unless their getting paid to do so.
Lost soul's who don't know how to be helped because they have no idea how to bring down that wall, isolated human beings standing right in front of you, and your to busy worrying if their going to rob you instead of reaching out and helping our fellow man in desperate need of help.
I some how made it through foster care, homelessness, drug addiction, gang fights, police sells, courts, hostels, drop in centres, soup kitchens and managed to make something of myself, it was a long hard battle but I pulled it off.
The first time I felt love after all them years was a scary feeling, at first I thought I was having a panic attack or some kind of anxiety, but after a while I realized it was true love.
And although I made it, I still can't rest at ease, knowing that there are so many lost brothers and sisters out there.
I always give to the homeless when I pass because I still see them for what they are, scared, lonely humans with a world full of hurt in their hearts.
Thank you for taking the time to read this article and next time I will be writing about abuse in foster care and care homes.
The point of this series is not to shock, blame or shame, it's to open peoples eye's up to what really happens to children who get lost in the system, It seems so easy for people nowadays to ring the cps, even on family members in the belief that cps will solve the problem and the child will be in safe hands.
With @familyprotection, I, and many other people are coming forward to share their experiences so that the world can start to see what devastation can be caused by removing a child from the care of its parents, please continue to support these stories as I believe we can really make a difference and hopefully start to change peoples trusts and belief in a caring CPS.
This post has been Resteemed and Upvoted by @familyprotection
are using "Child Protection Agencies"
to take children away from loving families
and place them in foster care or group homes
or put up for adoption.
THESE FAMILIES NEED PROTECTING.
Thank-you @markwhittam for supporting @familyprotection
I've never let anyone inside the wall- except my children and grandchildren. I manage to get along in society by aping what everyone else does but I've never felt anything toward them... I have to fake it. The closest thing to love I've ever experienced was toward my children. Great post- good that you're opening up- it helps with the pain!
One day, my friend!
All wall, borders, barriers and bars will be a thing of the past, and the light will shine through.
For me, and for you!
One day!
Beautifully said my friend! Your story touched off a memory I had buried, or at least filed away... when you spoke about addiction. I always focus on what happened more than the effect it has later. I'll post it later. (By the way- there's a message on steem.chat)
Hi! Back again after a long time... how are you? :) I read this and all I could think was how I've always thought you were a great person and how lucky I've been to know you through Steemit... but after reading this my affection has gone up several, several more notches. You've had such a difficult past, one we'd not wish on any child, and yet you've made sure you've turned out great. I totally respect the amount of self learning and motivation and will power that would have all taken. You have made a life for yourself... you've come very far. And what you are doing now to help others is totally heart warming. I wish you a very long life and much success always and forever. Love and hugs - @sandzat
Thank you @sandzat,
Great to see you back! The last few months have been quite exciting, the response we have received for @familyprotection has been unbelievable and I really think we can help people with this in the very near future.
I look forward to catching up with you!
Thanks for checking in.
I'm sorry you had to go through all that, must've been...hell. I think it's a very good thing that you're sharing your experiences here, where you can help others.
I guess a lot of people are scared out there and they're fighting hard to pull through, which just goes to show that we shouldn't judge anyone (as long as they're not hurting anyone of course), because we don't know what's going on inside...
I'm so glad you made it and found love and are now happy. I'm sure you deserve it.
Yes, the point is we should not judge or look down on these people, and I would go as far to say, help even those that hurt others, because they are the ones who are hurting the most and have no doubt been through some horrors.
Thank you for your input :)
@markwhittam, you are so right about walls! Any traumatic event or loss of loved ones keys that fight or flight response. In my case, after my son passed away, I chose flight because it felt as if I had no more fight left in me. Working with youth that could have easily been your buddies back in your day, has been more about helping them reach a point to where they no longer needed the walls. You are so fortunate to have made it where you are today!! It takes a hella lot of work to pull yourself out of your cave and decide you are ready to change your life for the better! Just telling your story will encourage others to do the same!!
Thank you @thethreehugs
I hope this helps people see the effects of growing up alone in the world.
And to think that this story is nothing in comparison to what can and so often does happen to children caught up in this system.
Thank you for your thoughtful comment.
Bless.
Yes, it's pretty sad when you think of it. You are most welcome my friend
This post upvoted and resteemed by @thethreehugs
After reading you I always feel very sorry for you my dear friend ,but at the same time I feel very proud that you are that personality who has the potential and courage to do every fight against the unhealthy system. You and the great lady @Canadian-coconut are contiously helping people for their development. You both are wonderful personalities, I know that if people unite together to fight for the misfortune, the dangerous wave must be changed its way. Thanks for your great effort friends wish you good luck and success.
Thank you @maya7,
You don't have to be sad for me, it's the ones who haven't made it out yet that I worry about.
But hopefully we can start to reach some of these people and more importantly, change people's attitudes towards these lost souls who just need some help.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Thank you for sharing what I know must be hard to share. Too many people have this happy fantasy about the happy, loving, rich but infertile couple that takes in every orphaned or abandoned (or CPS snatched) child in need and they simply must snap out of it. It is not reality.
I was very impressed in your first post of the series with this Wall you built to protect yourself. Never thought about the consequence in terms of future relationships. So glad to know you managed to bring down that wall and have such a happy family now.
By the way, years ago most of our cities had gangs of street children, living extremely rough, but all the stories spoke of the incredible bonds that made them a real family. And, at least, they were not in the system. Now there aren't as many on the streets, but I don't think they're better off. At least, not those that end up in state institutions.
Wow...first of all, thank you for sharing such intimate details of your life; I just joined steemit in December and will need to go back and look at your first instalment because I missed it before. Firstly, I must say what a wonderful platform this is where you can bear your soul and get love and acceptance in return (in fact, my husband is dying of cancer and I just blogged about it b/c I realised how 'safe' this platform is). So kudos to you for opening it, not only here, but for finding the strength to knock down your protective 'wall' or shield in your life and find true love...you certainly deserve it!
Second, I was a high school teacher for years in Canada and unfortunately saw all too often the effects of foster care. You're right when you say the system is broken; I believe it can't be fixed and needs to be scrapped for something entirely new and different...a system that truly sees a child as a person and not simply a file.
Keep up the fight my friend, you are worth it! Cheers!
I hear you Mark, so many people turn a blind eye when they see people on the street, they react like they are something to be feared. We need to start to reach out to people more, stop this behaviour that just widens the division in society. Move away from this time of Ego where people only wish to better themselves.
Thank you for sharing some more with us and I hope you continue to feel safe enough and loved enough to let that wall done further.
Hi Mark,
I was officially fostered once when i lived with a social worker for a few years as a teenager. Thanks for your being and support. Bless xx
Nicely written eyes opening post. Our society is not aware of real situation and it's only thanks to the brave ones like you, that something is changing.
I also heard that current system for foster home children is not working. I found out about 'Hope effect' program by Joshua Becker. Idea is to create small family units for these children. https://www.becomingminimalist.com/hope-effect/
I hope you will write more. You are changing world towards better with your words. ☺
Thank you for your kind words @ladywoodi
I will checkout the hope effect, thanks.
Thank you Mark for continuing to share your story. The more I learn about your past the more amazed I am that you managed to find a way to become the Mark that I know today! I'm happy to call you my friend and look forward to the next time we will meet.
This post has been upvoted and resteemed. I also started following you to see more!
Look into Reactive Attachment disorder. It is exactly how you are explaining the effects to be on you as a child in foster care. I have worked with several children diagnosed RAD. The more research you can do, the better you can start to heal.
in Romania, in the communist time, there was a law that the abortion was prohibited, so there is a whole generation now that ended up in foster care or on the streets. Tens of thousands of homeless people that still live on fighting that wall...
I really liked the analogy of the wall! It made me understand all the picture better... I would have never thought of it like this!
I wish nobody's child to pass through this. You are doing an amazing job with @familyprotection account opening some eyes around you! I know I started putting some questions also. When you call the social service, you might think that this is the end of the problem, and not the beginning of a new problem... People try to help, but end up doing more harm then good in the end with all their good intentions..
lots of love for you and all the family. resteemed. xx
Thank you for your post, Mark. I've been trying to say some of this in my own awkward way. The system creates psychological and emotional baggage that for most people is irreversible. It seems to go under the radar and is undetected by the General Public. The system might help you if your homeless or without money perhaps. But they refuse to acknowledge the psychological and mental impact that children suffer, not to mention their families. It would be nice to have psychologists counselors and mental health clinics designed specifically for children and families who have suffered from the CPS. But I suppose that's a long ways down the road. I'm proud of you for Rising above the obstacles and taking your life back. The wall might be safer but to be able to trust and love is more human. Thank you for opening up and sharing.
Thank you for sharing so vulnerably from your life @markwhittam.
Mark, I am grateful that you found the courage to share your story. I resonate with it deeply as I grew up in a foster home as well. Except I was not a foster child, I was a child of foster parents. You have moved me to share my story as I found similar reactions to the situation I found in the home. My parents were a 'receiving home' meaning the police could show up at any time day or night to drop off kids. I witnessed over 300 foster children go through our home in 10 years. They would stay until more permanent homes could be found. Being an introvert, I found this extremely difficult to deal with and I turned inward and built my own wall. I will write my story and share a link to yours as I don't know of anybody that talks about the children of foster parents either. It contributed to my depression and suicide attempts as well. Thank you.
The only thing that comes to my mind right now after reading this post is:
Most times people see the homeless, the drug addicted and the ragged, and just somehow people blame them for their misfortune. Not right, We need to be different.
Thank you Mark, remain Blessed.
Surviving a foster care?
Did foster care harmed you or was it better for the government to just ignore your welfare and let you fend for yourself? Foster care programs are one of the best programs out there for children who have to have at least some family to care for them and that I think is a divine deed that one should be grateful for.
Other children in other countries are left with no support from whomever and are just not rehabilitated and cared for which makes a cycle of helplessness in society.
But at least maybe you are doing better now and good for you and the people around you.
You are doing well, keep going! Thanks for the informative post, I'm excitedly waiting for the next post :) these stories should be supported and I will try it.
Foster care isn't that reliable,it's considered as a small society and the grown ups are the ones who deals the biggest impact,if they are good,the kids rise up to be the same and the same if they are so bad,but always there is an exceptions
I never you knew you went through so much Mark. I'm really sorry for what happened to you. Emotionally and physically. I do have an opposing opinion though. I do hope you don't get me wrong for it, but i think it wasn't that bad, or should I say as bad as other horrible things that happen to people on a daily basis. I really haven't been to foster care before, however just think about it from this prespective. There are so many starving kids in Africa that would kill to be in a foster house like yours even if they would get abused. Millions of people in the world are homeless and sick, yet you weren't and you had a bed to sleep in at cold night. What i'm trying to say is whatever happened to you is detrimental, but at the same time if you think that there people having it worse, then you start to cheer up a bit. I hope you understand my point of view. I don't mean any offense and I have huge respect for you sharing your painful moments with us. Peace and love from Egypt. :)
Edit: BTW, the part were I said you weren't homeless, I meant when you were in foster-care not on the streets. Still people in Africa would seriously pay to be homeless in a European country.
I was homeless on the streets at 15, because it was better than being in care, the abuse that happens in foster care is usually much worse than being on the streets. Kids here get trafficed for sex, and many end up dead or go missing.
What I went through, and every single person I know who's ever been in foster went through you would not wish on your worst enemy, whatever country you grew up in.
It's interesting that there is this general belief that what happens in other countries doesn't happen in western countries. The west has successfully painted a picture of freedom, wealth and abundance, whilest hiding the corruption underneath.
Yes, we like our Potemkin villages here. We like to clean up our streets by criminalizing homelessness. They are pushed into sewer tunnels! My city keeps spending more on law enforcememt to control the behavior of homeless folks, rather than setting up a dignified shelter, rehab, etc. And neighboring towns view San Bernardino as their human trashcan, and bus their homeless to us. The LA Times did a huge series on how low San Bernardino has sunk, with runaway teens trapped in prostitution on Baseline Ave. It is overwhelming trying to find solutions in one city here, and it is a globalism-caused problem! I am working on growing more food to have surplus to give away.
The more I learn the more I see that the objective is to widen that divide between the rich and poor. I hope you can make a bit of difference with excess food.
I'm very sorry about what happened to you and yes you're right, I wouldn't wish homelessness, sickness, abuse, drug addiction on my worst enemy, but please remember that it could have been a lot worse. I apologize if I accidentally offended you.That was not the intent of the comment. I was simply trying to make you feel better about your past that is all. I never went to foster care so I wouldn't know what that feels like and you're right about the country thing. I should have been less ignorant in my comment. :)
You have overcome ignorance, now you are wise to the fact that North America has a miserable underbelly. Worldwide, the powers that shouldnt be spit on regular people. I hope we can unite and build new compassionate societies, like what we are trying to do here on Steemit. I am very glad to meet you and discuss this with you on here, it is amazing and inspiring to share how life is across the world!
Also Mark being Foster care in America or in any European country is a whole lot better than here in Egypt. They at one point caught people stealing kids for sex trafficking as well as human body part trafficking. I'm happy you weren't ever exposed to that. At least I hope so...
I beg your pardon, but he did just tell you foster kids get sex trafficked and killed. Why is it so important to win the International Trauma Olympics? Human suffering is common coin.
At this moment, I am thinking of the local homeless I see every day here in San Bernardino, California. We all must get creative about how to help the people we interact with in our lives.
What compassionate contribution can be offered here, now, to Mark for sharing his ordeal?
I want to thank him for being a survivor and working to change the system he knows hurts people.
I'm sorry. i made a very stupid unthoughtful comment. it's very dumb and not really true. I was trying to make mark feel better about his past but I clearly fucked up
It's OK, I am not mad at you. It's not your fault, we tend to generalize and stereotype other countries, cultures and beliefs. It's normal.
Actually, that's the whole point about writing these, so that even people in Egypt get to see what really goes on in the 'free'-West
Peace.
I don't want you to feel dumb or like you fucked up. I am sure you, too, witness human suffering and have many important things to share. And I can see that your intention was maybe to cheer up by thinking of someone worse off. That is a technique that does work on folks that get stuck in despair. Big hugs for you and an upvote.
Well I did and do see loads of people suffer on a daily basis. I wouldn't really say I have super important things to share. I'm kinda worthless to be honest, and most of my experiences were emotional scars that wouldn't compare anywhere near close to Marks story. They might even sound kiddish to the anyone (if any) who reads or knows about them. I don't really need pity from people or anything. I'm just saying the truth that's all.
I don't think you are worthless at all. Pity is annoying, isn't it? I have also led a relatively privileged life, yet I still think my mild bouts of suffering are useful for opening my heart. I wrote about it here https://steemit.com/compassion/@creationofcare/the-universal-pipeline-of-compassion . I wish you all the best and i will check out your blog.
I live in turkey. and I have not heard of foster care home. I've done a little research now. I think it's like holding a nanny for little kids.@markwhittam
@markwhittam sorry about your experience with foster care. On my observation some young children grew up okay in a foster family and some teenagers are having a hard time growing under foster care. Maybe because the later have more idea of what is going on and impacting their emotional development.While babies under foster care doesnt have the ability to grasp whats going on with them.
I did not know what was happening in Foster care
thanks for sharing with us this
We wait your next post about abuse in foster care and care homes.
I haven't gone through the foster care system, nor do I know anyone who has (except you now), so I don't feel very qualified to comment on it. I can comment on the homeless situation to some extent as I see it every day around me in my town. To be honest it sickens me that in what is supposed to be the most prosperous nation in the world people are going homeless and sometimes without food. And all while others amass fortunes of multiple millions or billions or dollars. I am not well off myself, but I do what I can when I see one of these displaced souls begging on the side of the road - I always have at least some water in the car I can give and snacks or other foods. I've given what was to be lunch already and turned around to get another lunch for me and my daughters. Hopefully this is also teaching thm compassion and will lead to at least two better people in the next generation.
Thanks for sharing your experiences and thoughts, I'm sure writing about them brings back painful memories.
Thanks for being bold to share your experiences in the foster home.....Great post
Really appreciate reading this. I was in foster care as well, and decided to post about it after reading yours...a slightly different take. I'll post link once finished.
https://steemit.com/familyprotection/@scotters/foster-care-a-story-from-the-other-side
The homeless problem in the uk is horrendous and you bring up a point which I observed in action today. As I walked through Nottingham centre there was a guy sleeping in a doorway (freezing his arse off probably). As the guy was trying to sleep, I didn't stop to give change. As you said this is something that everyone should have the right to do, but the gov want to control charity too. Anyway, back to the guy I passed. About 20 feet down the road I was asked to sign up for a registered charity by a street vendor. I had to ask him why we were not helping the gentleman in the door-way?
It's all an act to make us feel like we are doing something to help. In the meantime, towns are being gentrified and councils are banning the homeless from entering the city perimeter.
That's some tough times you speak of, and one that too many can relate too. Take care bro, glad things are better for you now.
Thank you for sharing this. We, the people, need to know about this. I have learned in recent years about the abuse in the CPS system. I am so glad you have survived and are now telling your story.
Congratulations @markwhittam, this post is the tenth most rewarded post (based on pending payouts) in the last 12 hours written by a Hero account holder (accounts that hold between 10 and 100 Mega Vests). The total number of posts by Hero account holders during this period was 468 and the total pending payments to posts in this category was $11751.72. To see the full list of highest paid posts across all accounts categories, click here.
If you do not wish to receive these messages in future, please reply stop to this comment.
Stop
Foster home has a lot of detriment repercussions on the psychology of a child, but then, there are also some homes that doesn't even care about showing love and affection to their children as well.
I happen to have a kind of dad that behaves like a robot,and when I say robot, I hope you understand what I mean.
No maltreatment but he cherishes discipline so much that he neglects the emotional condition of his child.
All these have negative effects on the child in the long run.
Great post.
it's hard to imagine for someone to have never experienced a family... it really is a blessing to have one. Thanks for your post and for sharing.
Hello @markwhittam.. ho do you do.. nice to meet you here, im here want to ask you have able to help me on steemit becuse im newbie here, i want to post somethng here as like your post, but i cant yet, any way let me to follow on you, let me be learning as like what you did.. i hope you dont mind about that.
Thank you want vote me .
Thankyou for sharing your story. It has inspired me to write about my own experiences not only with foster care but being a poster child for psychiatric drugs
https://steemit.com/story/@wisewoof/the-drugging-of-my-youth-a-survival-story
Yes, those of us who have been through this know that we have many consequences and among those that we do not feel comfortable with anyone to establish emotional ties because we believe that they will leave us
Thank you @markwhittam for having the courage to speak out. You must have great fortitude to overcome the obstacles placed in your life. I hope now that you are your own person that life is kinder to you, by placing loving people in your path. I see the people on the streets, the homeless, the addicted , the hardship. You are correct we need change. I do hope there is a new direction soon. Thank you again.
It is inspiring to see someone succeed and trying to spread their success toward others. I am grateful I have not have to endure what you had to go through and am happy to hear what you are doing now.
I can somewhat relate because I have witness mental health issues within my family. It relates because it affects the members of a family. I never been so vulentralble and useless in my whole life since I had my first hand experience of a close member of my family has mental health issues. I have also never been so close to knowing what love is until that experience. Mental health is also very relevant to many of the problems we have as a society.
I personally believe a lot of gun violence is derived by mental health issues. I can not have proof to back it up but personal experience of how society thinks of mental health being a disease is lacking. I am afraid I do not have the courage such as yourself to be outspoken about foster care as much as I believe that the system is failing all those who have mental health issues.
It is difficult enough to help one family member to deal with this ordeal, but to try to help many is truly inspirational. I hope you succeed in help many kids find their place in this world, because they are the future of mankind. You have a new follower. Thanks.
By the way hopefully you do not consider this spam but I found you on steemit through a strategy I am being taught to apply from #Dolphinschool created by @markrmorrisjr and @steemgoblin.
My apologies if you think this is a spamming. I just thought it was touching to hear your life hurdles and it can relate to the struggles each of us on this planet has of our own. Fight the good fights.