I have decided to start sharing in more detail
my experiences of growing up in the
foster care system
my experiences of growing up in the
foster care system
I believe these accounts and others like them to be of huge importance if we are ever going to convince the masses that THIS SYSTEM DOESN'T Work and it MUST be replaced.
What is foster care?
I'm sure that in the beginning, the intention was to help children who were being abused or neglected by their parents, a place where they felt safe, wanted and cared for.
Whatever happened along the way this is not how foster care is today or at least not from what I and everyone I've ever met who's been in FC have experienced.
In this article, I will be explaining how as a child I dealt with and survived being in the home of strangers who get paid for caring.
Day 1, That day I will never forget but is hard to remember.
I remember the day when they came to take me away, I walked into the living room to see my Mum and two official-looking strangers all sitting there with serious faces. I knew something was up but I thought it was related to me being naughty at school or something.
I can't remember the exact words that were used or who said them but what I do remember is that my Mum wouldn't look me in the eye's and the words, your Mum needs a break, we are taking you away.
Sitting in the back of the social workers car on my way to the first of my many many foster placements, I remember all I kept thinking was that somehow this was all just a big mistake and that soon they would turn around and reunite me with my brothers.
When the social workers left me at this dirty house with loads of dogs running around I realised this was the real deal and a sudden feeling of abandonment and loneliness hit me like a train, they showed me to my room and I sat there for hours looking out the window waiting for my Mum and brothers to come and pick me up.
Day 2, The wall was built
The first thing you need to be able to survive being in care is a wall. I'm not talking about any wall, this wall has to be inpenetrable from all angles with multi-layers of defence on both side, yes, that right, both sides, this wall was so fucking huge that not even I could bring it down once it was built.
Once the wall was built I decided to never trust or listen to another adult throughout the rest of my childhood and long into my adult life.
Day 3, Being my own boss!
I then went onto controlling my environment, and this I did with conviction, I wouldn't say this was intentional, I think it was more instinct than anything else but whatever the reason it just felt good to take charge.
Of all the traits I picked up whilst in care, being in control was my favourite because it gave me a false sense of worth and authority. I also believe this trait saved my ass, as I am still convinced to this day that if I had not been so good at controlling then I would have no doubt fallen victim to the many pedophiles who swim these waters.
Another trick I had learnt was that if I hurt myself and brought enough chaos into my life on a daily basis then no one else would have the chance to, like a kind of physical form of reverse phycology, if that makes any sense.
Being wanted by the Un-wanted.
When you grow up in care you shut everybody out, everybody except kids who are in the same boat as you, this obviously adds to the problem but at the time you have no other choice.
If you are a social worker who is wondering why you can never really get through to a foster kid no matter how hard you try then don't take it personally but you got no chance and never will.
Thank you for taking the time to read this article and next time I will be writing about how being in care effects your ability to form lasting relationships.
The point of this series is not to shock, blame or shame, it's to open peoples eye's up to what really happens to children who get lost in the system, It seems so easy for people nowadays to ring the cps, even on family members in the belief that cps will solve the problem and the child will be in safe hands.
With @familyprotection, I, and many other people are coming forward to share their experiences so that the world can start to see what devastation can be caused by removing a child from the care of its parents, please continue to support these stories as I believe we can really make a difference and hopefully start to change peoples trusts and belief in a caring CPS.
This post has been Resteemed and Upvoted by @familyprotection
are using "Child Protection Agencies"
to take children away from loving families
and place them in foster care or group homes
or put up for adoption.
THESE FAMILIES NEED PROTECTING.
Thank-you @markwhittam for supporting @familyprotection.
Ya..the nerve of them to play God and rip apart families. What gives them the right to do such a thing? I can understand it in some extreme cases but its happening too casually and in situations where it actually does more harm to the families than good. I agree families do need protecting.
https://steemit.com/familyprotection/@diya28/child-protection-and-broken-families
a true story
Had no idea you went through this. Thanks for sharing. This is eye-opening stuff, and I’m looking forward to learning more.
My friend here in Japan and his brother were also victims of the foster care system, and the stories he tells about the foster parents are unbelievable. He eventually had to run away to survive.
Your story and his are heartbreaking. The beautiful thing is now you have both come out survivors and strong, and are here to tell about it, helping others overcome. Preventing this kind of damage from happening at all, by raising awareness and telling your stories.
Thank you.
We take so many things in our life as granted, as a whole family or at least growing up with one close family member that it is really shocking when we find experiences like this.
So true.
Thank you for your thoughtful comment @kafkanarchy84.
Yes, you are right about the strength, in fact I am thankful for the life I had, it made me who I am, but I figure I'm only saying that because I somehow made it out the other side.
Thanks for the support Buddy.
Thanks for sharing these life lessons with us. We need more of these posts on Steemit.
It would seem that everything the government touches eventually turns to shit. In my own experience I have found that there are no exception to this rule!
I imagine it must be very hard to think and write about this part of your life, but every testimony is very valuable if this project is to open people's eyes about this evil system.
How old were you when this all started? I'm asking as the image you project is of a child very mature in his thinking or maybe those terrible events forced the child to grow-up pretty fast?
Hi @ladyrebecca,
Times and dates are a mess, and Everytime someone asks me I say a different answer, but I think I was about 8 years old.
As you can imagine it's not the sort of thing we talk about at Xmas dinner but I will ask my Mother next time we talk.
I was very very mature for my age, I even looked a lot older which only got me into more trouble.
Thanks for reading my post and thanks for all the support.
Bless.
Thank you for sharing @markwhittam. I know how hard this must have been for you revisiting those days you thought you had moved past..and maybe you have, either way, just having to experience those feelings of total abandonment are more than enough. The digger you dig, the harder it get's but afterwards, you will fill so much lighter for it!!
That is a good remark.
Maybe it will help to forgive if not forget.
@markwhittam is doing a great job.
Everything he writes passes through his heart, it feels like it.
As it should be "through the heart."
Thank you @thethreehugs
Yes, I would say that I have moved on, though I am aware that deep down there may be some stuff that was buried to deep to reach.
Thanks for the support
Well, writing about it is the best way to get it out, then move past it.
Thanks Mark, for finding the courage to tell your story. I know it will be painful at times, but in the end you will have helped to reach out and help and support others x
Thank you Aishlinn.
The more we investigate and connect the dots, the easier it is to see that the CPS under the protection and cover of the family court system are nothing more than another "rat line" for human trafficking. The sooner people realize this the sooner we can stop this inhumane treatment of innocent children. They sold the idea of CPS on a platform that was easily promoted to and accepted by the general public. But, as with any of these government sponsored agencies the vile corruption eventually rears its ugly head.
Again I say, the timing for the creation of @familyprotection was impeccable!
Thank you @vickiebarker
Yes, the time is now, the system is crumbling and will be replaced in the near future, we will see the end of cps and the beginning of true family protection.
Bless.
Just Wow. Thanks for sharing . The toughest battles are given to the strongest soldiers. Bless
Thank you @leafcrypto
Your story would be a catalyst to the battle, I am happy you came out of the System standing tall despite all the ill that might have happened through your journey in there. The attribute of "control" is still very visible in your life right now, if there is one thing I am sure of, it is the fact being able to be in control of one's life and outcome no matter how "pseudo-real" it might be is a great survival instinct. Abundant blessing to you Mark!.
Thank you @kryptocoin,
Although the negatives far out weighs the positives, that fact is, it made me who I am.
I am convinced if you make it out alive you will go on to do great things with great determination, unfortunately there are many souls that didn't make it through.
Bless their souls.
I am so very sorry for what you went through, it must have been horrible.
You are so very brave to share this, I imagine it is very difficult. And while I know this helps others, opens eyes and spreads awareness, I hope you also can find some form of relief in talking about it.
Thank you.
Oh yes I do, in fact I say that I'm doing this to raise awareness, but I suspect it might be my way of venting, whatever the reason it feels good to do so.... After writing of course.
Wow u must be a very strong people now @markwhittam..
The life give us full of experience even an unexpected one..
They will make us stronger and be mature..
The key is never give up. Because there is always a good things happen after the bad one..
Family is the place tht we feel like home. Its everything..
My brother was adopted too, I wish I knew what he feels about it....
How could anyone outside that system (like me) ever truly understand what it is like. We can't, but I sure appreciate you sharing your story so I can be better informed about such things. Thx so much.
Your welcome @sminchow
It saddened me and opens my eye up on what is really happening to children who lost their track on the system.
To the lost kids, the world has been tough to them. And I salute to them to keep on standing up. Mistakes and unripe decisions are inevitable, but we must look forward and learn from those mistakes.
I salute you @markwhittam, for having courage on facing such setback in reminiscing it and telling this to us. I agree with you that it is important that parents must be the one nurturing and guiding their kids rather than a foster care. A parent by blood must be the one working on their hands taking care of the their kids. Parenting is a must..
Hopefully you are successful to help many children @markhittam respect for your concern and commitment that you show.
You have/are tearing down your own wall. I've not been in that situation so cannot say much about it, but I see you now as a kind, open and loving parent willing to go literally to the ends of the Earth for your children. You all are blessed by each other <3 <3
Thank you @tamaralovelace
You really very kind.
While I never experienced foster care, I did experience my family taking in displaced family members. Even with family as the care providers, the situation was challenging and disruptive because of the previous care they needed to leave. The back story is lengthy, as they usually are. I witnessed youth lose two parents, one by death and the other for safety, and the toll it can take. Even though I was younger than them I could see the devestation and experienced first hand how systemic these experiences can be. I commend you, not only for having the courage to share your story but also to help others in need.
-A
Thanks for having such courage upon sharing your story, hearing yourside will surely help people understand you and what you've been through. I know a girl and I some kind of hate her because of her bad attitude dealing with people, those bad words, bad action she keeps doing. Being unreasonably strong and I find it not so healthy not just for herself but for everyone close to her and it hurts a lot. I found out way back when she was young she was not able to live with her family but instead with her relative not so close to her and far from her family. I thinks her childhood experience have something to do with her attitude, everytime I talk to someone or an adviser about her and ask them how to deal with her and such attitude they always say it must be her environment or experience made her like that and the thing I can do is to give my understanding and show I care. Its really hard and im struggling still about it. Im not a hard hearted person I'm open into anything opinion or advice and I'm happy to be here and that there is a @familyprotection concerns here ( by then I we can learn from people's experience,we can share a bit advices and most of all being aware of things, come to understand situations and learn how to deal with person who'd been misguided. Thanks @markwhittam for sharing and @familyprotection for the support. God bless.
People who do bad things are often hurting inside and need love, it's there way of getting some attention, to feel wanted.
Go and give her a big hug next time you see her and tell her she is loved.
Bless.
Thank you for the advice but I cant assure you I can do it rightly.. you see I was hurting by things she did and the cuts getting deeper.. I'm on the process of understanding here and I know eventually and in God's time I can do that and forgive her also..
I have seen so many posts on this and i have to come to see it is spreading like wild fire. How can you say you are helping the child and you take the child away from where love is guaranteed? When the chips are down, family is all you need. It is totally unacceptable to subject a child that young to the rigour and mental torture of not being cared for. They are not helping, it takes only a determined child not to leave crushed. Rather than take them away, help the parent instead. Make sure the child stay around family that cares. It gives a sense of worth and belonging. Actions under the pretext of Child Protection Services is wickedness with total disregard for consequences. They have good intentions but family trumps it all. Protect the family and watch the society get better.
It's working.
#familyprotection
Yes it is...we will get there. Thanks for sharing your experiences. Personal experiences always pull more weight. You are truly strong.
@markwhittam yeah of course you are saying absolutely right about foster care.
such life is not bearable
your birth mother is for you everything.
keep it up.
i just followed you to see your more articles like this in the #Future
KINDLY TAKE A LOOK AT MY BLOG AND SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON MY BLOG
#BIG #LOVE #FROM #PAK.
Cheers :)
have a great day Dear :)
THANK YOU
I very much understand your comments about hurting yourself before anyone else can hurt you. This is something anyone who has experienced childhood trauma does, be it physically or mentally. We try to survive and defence is paramount. We show our scars publicly to say "i am already damaged, you can't hurt me more." But how do we get out of this cycle as adults? I think writing about this stuff is very important in healing. Telling your story, feeling like you're being heard, being in control of the memory. Thanks for your brave honesty. Write some more.
Testing.
Thank you for sharing @markwhittam.
I agree with you, one of my student belongs to a broken family and he is very naughty. he always try to tease other students, I do not know why he do it/
I agree with you, one of my student belongs to a broken family and he is very naughty. he always try to tease other students, I do not know why he do it/
Amazing! I agree with @markwhittam!
I can't complete the reading before tears start to flow out of my eyes. I have them around me,we just need to do something to rescue those children. I felt your pains, i'm so sorry you have to face that as a child. I must resteem this for the whole world to know.
I have never experience this...but We need a rethink on how to handle kids who for one reason or another will not be able o live with their parents/loved ones. Thanks for sharing. The World needs to be aware what these kids are going through.
It's very sad what some children endure. When it comes down to it, I always blame the government. They cause the problem by promoting the break up the family by making it so both parents work and when the one parent blows town (almost always the dad) they hook single mom's into the a state of welfare dependency which sometimes turns into a reward system. Then when conditions get so bad they take the child and put it into another bad situation where the foster provider just wants the government money too. Problem, Reaction, Solution. That's how large, bloated government always works. Thank God there are still caring, loving foster parents out there but I sadly think they are few and far between. God Bless!
excelent post my friend
Good your post. please accept me and give me votes because i am new.
Amazing I agree with you @markwhittam
This post has been upvoted and resteemed by @thethreehugs
You poor baby. You have been so strong and I wish I could give you a hug right now. Be the best parent in the world to your kids, and love them no matter what.
What a touching experience
This sounds terrible - but it's also inspiring that you were able to turn your past into a source of strength.
Also, you're doing a great job spreading the word about the abuses of the foster care system. I had no idea what a crooked world this was until I started reading your work and that of others like @richq11 here on Steemit.
I'm curious. How old were you when you went into the system? (Forgive me if you've already shared this elsewhere.)
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Thank you
It is amazing that you came out of this thrive. I am sure you have scars that are still pretty close to the surface. That would be normal. I can't believe that they still allow these people to beak up families.
Dear Mark thanks for useful sharing . I think the family is most richness in the world. I
Thank you for sharing this story @markwhittam it really shows what children go through these days especially the ones that are not with their parents. We experience this kind alot in African.
wow that is a real nightmare. And to think that the people involved had good intentions. so sad
As someone who hopes to adopt in the future, stories like this are a great insight. Thanks for sharing.
We take such a significant number of things throughout our life as truly, overall family or if nothing else growing up with one close relative that it is extremely stunning when we discover encounters like this in our day by day lives..
nice idea
Hello Mark. I am sorry you had to go through the experience of being ripped apart from your family and placed in a dingy, probably neglectful foster home. My wife and I were houseparents. Now I am a program director for a program that works with youth who are about to be released from the system. The youth I work with were in abusive family systems. You are right, families are vulnerable. I wish that youth did not have to get involved with the system. Unfortunately, emotional, physical, and sexual abuse sometimes occurs in the home. And it also happens in foster care. I consider my work with kids to be the highest calling and I try to give every bit of myself to the work.
It is the hardest thing in the world to trust people to take care of kids. After what I have seen, I do not trust anyone with my kids. That includes day care. Youth is precious and innocence must be maintained. I agree with you. The system is broken. When we were house parents, some of our children came from abusive foster care situations. I could not believe why people did not go to jail for what they did with the youth in their care. Across the board, people who work with youth receive low wages. Unfortunately, we get what we pay for and we reap what we sow.
I can relate to the building of walls and not being able to form lasting relationships. We don't have foster care in Nigeria but I went through a similar ordeal where I went from sleeping in churches to living with complete strangers as a street kid. The walls I built kept me safe too.