Too Fast For You

INTRODUCTION
In 2014, at 41, I played with the idea of living without food. Was it possible? Was it necessary? Was it desirable? I was curious.
The content below is a condensed version of my first 4 weeks. I went cold turkey from eating 3+ meals a day to almost nothing. The ensuing months (after the first 4 weeks) revealed more, however this excerpt covers the initial plunge.
Please be aware I do not recommend this radical action for everyone. However I will say, if you feel inclined to try something like this, without any agenda, then trust that inclination. Should you prefer support and supervision, there are a number of professionals who are qualified and willing to assist you.

8/8/2014
So I have begun.
My last drink was this afternoon 2:30pm. Black tea with lemon.
I think it is possible.
Others may be an obstacle.

9/8/2014 - 1 Day
9:30pm
I haven’t eaten or drank anything since mid-afternoon Friday.
Friday night I had a headache on my right side and my ear throbbed a bit too (for a short while).
No dreams that I remember.
Feeling OK.
My mind drifts a little but I pull back.
My mouth feels a little gammy – I just swish water in my mouth and/or brush my teeth.
My body feels fine.
I sat in the sun and fell asleep.
I was yawning a lot today.
People are being told I’m “FAMINATING” (not by me).
Funny how everyone has their 2 cents worth.

10/8/2014 - 2 Days
10pm
I woke up this morning with saliva in my mouth.
I went to the toilet 3 times last night – urine only.
I dreamt and forgot on awakening.
2 ½ days no food, no water. I feel remarkably normal.
Oh, when I woke this morning and stretched, I heard sounds/tones – clear as a bell and only 3 times (when I was stretching).
Mum and Dad ate fish & chips in front of me – I wasn’t the least interested.
By tomorrow afternoon I will be 3 days without food or water.
I keep checking in with ‘muscle testing’ to make sure my body is OK. So far, so good.
I’m not even halfway yet. A long weekend of visits and visitors.
No headache / no ear ache.
I put my onyx ear-rings in today to wear to see the family. After a very short period, they started to itch like crazy. A total irritation.
I changed to my red gem silver studs, these actually stung.
I tried my gold sleepers and I couldn’t even get them into my piercings. I gave it away after that. I haven’t worn any jewellery for nearly 2 weeks.

11/8/2014 – 3 Days
11.45am
I was in bed early last night and had some trouble with my back (lower back) usually this occurs when I spend too many hours in bed. I will try some stretches to relieve this discomfort.
No tiredness today, even though I was awake a lot of the night. I was up with Malcolm at 4:30am.
I am not tired at present.
I am thinking a lot about tenderness. I keep recalling tender scenes. It was lovely to hug my parents yesterday.
Listening to Ludovico Einaudi is nourishing too in a way.
I listen every single day and have done for over 3 weeks.

3.44pm
I have now gone 3 days without food or drink.
I am still ‘alive’!!
I have the hiccups all of a sudden – which is annoying.
Otherwise I feel OK.
A hot water bottle on my lower back has helped.

8pm
I broke the no food / no water today @ 5pm.
I ate 2 oranges from the garden, 12 grapes, 2 prunes and a couple of sultanas.
The food sat in my stomach like a stone.
I squeezed myself a lemon water – wonderful.
My lower back ached all night.

12/8/2014 – 4 Days
6.40pm
I ate at 4:30pm. 1 orange, 2 grapes and 1 tsp. sultanas.
The food sat in my stomach like a stone again.
I am not hungry and I am sipping lemon water.
We are seeing the movie “Lucy” tonight and it should be a good experience.
It’s cold and wet outside.
I was a bit grumpy with the dog today. She kept lying on the carpet and not staying in her bed. It was a battle of wills.
Work was tedious as normal. I explained 3 times how to find a computer name. *sigh
I started a new book “A discovery of Witches” So far so good. Recommended by Dad.
During the day I have started repeating to myself: Stop, Let Go, Listen. It’s powerful.

13/8/2014 – 5 Days
12:03pm
I feel like everything is slowing down.
I am more sensitive to touch or my awareness of this sense has heightened. I am breathing slowly.
1 orange and 1 grape today.
I am quite cold most of the time and I feel like sleeping. I don’t want to think, type or speak really.
Just breathe and listen to music.
This is not traditionally a productive way to be.

21.27pm
I took a walk this afternoon. Just to the Post Office and back. On my return I walked over to the Cemetery.
I sat and breathed and listened to Ludovico Einaudi (of course) then lay back on the grass and watched the clouds. I was watching all the little light particles dance around when I noticed purple/grey ribbons in the sky. I saw sky too but it looked like the ribbons were above the clouds. It came to me that I was looking at wind energy. I could only see the ribbons when I wasn’t thinking about what they were.
I keep thinking about tenderness and love. It feels so perfect, so easy, so real. It almost brings me to tears.
I made soup for Val and Chris tonight. I had some of the broth.
I feel too full, like I have over eaten. A pain in my stomach.
My taste is changing.
My hearing is changing.
My sight is changing.
My speed is slowing to a more deliberate pace.
One moment closer to freedom.
Every little thing I am aware of seems more intense.

14/8/2014 – 6 Days
10.38pm
I felt quite energetic today.
I had broth, tea and lemon water today.
I sucked on some naked ginger and a small piece that was left in my mouth travelled down my throat.
I could ‘feel’ it travel down into my intestine. I can feel it now. It feels like a lump. The soup broth feels too strong for me.
It’s almost as if I have a conditioned response. Think food = body hungry.
As soon as I think of something else the hunger fades. NOT ONLY THAT, each day, the sensation I call ‘hungry’ never changes i.e. it doesn’t get worse or anything, IT FEELS EXACTLY THE SAME!!!
The body is amazing and I feel so much more aware of it in many subtle ways.
I keep remembering the wind ribbons.
I am shedding weight but I feel fine. My body feels nourished and light. I am replacing the association of Food = Hungry with Food = Sunshine and Smiles.
Lying in the sun today I imagined a lovers hands warming my back. When a cloud came over and I could feel a breeze on my skin I imagined a lover blowing on my skin gently / tenderly.
My obsessive reading of the paranormal and consciousness is not by accident. I am patient enough (now) to wait and see why. The anticipation of ‘the day’ has slipped in unnoticed. I am grateful to feel this again.

15/8/2014 – 7 Days
Sometime after midnight
I drank a lot of water today. I also had a small bowl of soup.
A small glass of Tetra Pak milk made me feel sick.
The soup felt heavy in my body.
I attended 3 group meditation sessions at the Central Coast Meditation Centre. I ultimately left the group because I told myself it was too limiting. Tonight I discovered I learned something from each class.
Week 1: Stop, Let Go, Listen
Week 2: Be inspirational by virtue of being who you are (yourself)
Week 3: Everything in our lives is decided by ourselves.

16/8/2014 – 8 Days
10.25pm
I slept OK last night. I woke up early and stayed in bed. Very wet, grey day today.
I decided to have a full body massage at Erina.
It was really good, except for the man’s long nails. I have scratches on my back!
My whole body was humming at the end of the session. That is something I’ve never felt before. It was like a current of energy – well it WAS a current of energy. Except instead of grounding – it radiated out of my body.
My eyes are behaving strangely. Very blurry. I am not concerned. I can see what I need to see.
My hearing is so sensitive now. Television in the other room is almost intolerable.
I feel a lot too. My skin, touch.
My smell, very sensitive.
My eyes and light.
I feel so good. My heart is more noticeable though.

1 cup of tea, honey and lemon - morning
2 small bowls of broth - evening
1 cup of tea – evening
I was gagging on the bowls of broth soon after I brought them to my lips.
The evening cup of tea was good but again it all felt like too much.
Writing this, I can hear a television on. It’s so loud it hurts my ears.
No headaches this week.
No libido this week.

17/8/2014 – 9 Days
10.33pm
I had a thick hot chocolate in Sydney tonight and I’m regretting the rich brew.
By the time I arrived back home it had passed straight though me. Ew! I still feel greasy.
I am not hungry, however I have brought a tea to bed with me.
Why did I do it? I didn’t really want it.
Silly, Silly. Sorry physical body…
I am quite tired, even though I slept late. Perhaps all I need is a meditation. I will do one now rather than read.

19/8/2014 – 11 Days
9:00pm
I stayed awake late reading, though I was in bed early, I could have slept so much more.
I awoke with the words in my mind this morning – we are all Gods and Goddesses.
I fell asleep at my desk today.
I am so bored in my job. It is difficult / challenging to find any purpose in it. I am dreading my time in the office. It is a fabrication and negative and a habit.
Stop – Let Go – Listen
I am going to do more mediation tonight. I consumed a lot of liquid today.
Tea, broth – 4 cups, hot chocolate, hot water. Perhaps I am dehydrated? My face does not look drawn for no food since 8/8/14.
Oh, tonight I had a mandarin and some pieces of ginger. I may not be keeping ‘strictly’ to the diet however I feel perfectly OK overall.
My eyes are tired from all the reading and I want to stay in bed.
I was listening to a prayer today and I dropped off, so quickly.

20/8/2014 – 12 Days
11.30pm
We had a disaster on our hands today. A client clicked on a link and enabled a Trojan into the network. I personally had the task of recovering 1,700 files.
Ordinarily I would have been a total mess. Shaking, stuttering, bathroom constantly etc.
I used my mantra – Stop – Let Go – Listen and stayed calm.
I centred myself at my heart and stayed there.
My eyes were sore after the recovery. Dull Ache.
I want to leave this business and I don’t have an alternative…yet.
I keep asking, what is my heart’s desire? What do I really want? Either I’m deaf or it hasn’t been decided yet.
Breathe, breathe…
21/8/2014 – 13 Days
8:30pm
I was ranted at and abused on the phone about the Trojan and the data tonight. His voice faded into the background and ‘Rockaby’ played over in my mind.
I ate an orange fresh off the tree this afternoon. It was juicy and sweet. He gave me 1 scoop of ice cream with passionfruit. I had lots of warm / hot drinks as it was so cold today.
Rain and rain and rain.
Staying centred and calm even through this trauma. I am feeling like my mind is more and more under control. It’s amazingly quiet and peaceful here.
I am amazed that I have gone nearly 2 weeks without a meal. TOTALLY amazed.

22/8/2014 – 14 Days
3:30pm
Malcolm is a total fluff-ball.
10:22pm
Caught a movie tonight. I had a beer at the pub beforehand and a hot carob with rice milk when I arrived home.
I finished vacuuming tonight before the movie, so that I have the whole weekend free. I am thinking I will take off tomorrow, though I am not sure where to go. I don’t need to eat, all I need to do is breathe, centre, let go and be.
I had about 8 small pieces of potato tonight and a scoop of ice cream with passionfruit. It was tasty, yet difficult to eat/swallow.
I felt EXTREMELY full afterwards and did NOT feel good. Was it worth it? No, probably not.
I was sitting out the front this morning – I slept late so it was about 10:30am or thereabouts.I had my usual honey & lemon warm drink and my kindle. The Sun was out and the hedges were covered with bees. I realised how soothing and enjoyable the sound of humming bees is. I love it. Bees are sooo cute. I watched one topple a flower to the ground and it struggled to get out of the flower tube.

23/8/2014 – 15 Days
8:30pm
I’m not sure I’ve recovered from last week’s tirade.
Hopefully I won’t be here much longer. I just need to discover the lesson.
I am deaf and dumb …*sigh …soon.
STOP – LET GO – LISTEN

24/8/2014 – 16 Days
6:43pm
Our brains are so malleable. How can we trust them? Answer: We don’t.
Pea and Ham soup (from scratch of course) for Val and Chris for the next few days. Broth for me…I suppose.
My face looks more angular and I swear I feel taller.
Ironic how I feel like a take up more space when I’m smaller and feel like I’m taller when I’m shorter.
My eyes are blurry a lot of the time but I get the gist of emails, so I keep going. I haven’t worn my glasses for months. My eyes are so much worse when I read for hours on end.
Water is the messenger. Electromagnetic conductor and life bringer. Fascinating.
I just had a cup of soup…now too full.

25/8/2014 – 17 Days
6:00pm
Not enthusiastic about ‘The Job’
Trying to let go more and rid myself of the attachment to disliking it.
I had a small cup of soup. Too much, felt heavy.

26/8/2014 – 18 Days
6:30pm
½ cup soup for dinner

27/8/2014 – 19 Days
11:00pm
My right breast is tender to touch (same place as last time).
My eyes are tired from all the reading.
Lots of visitors this week.
I finished The Host. I cried and cried so that I couldn’t see the words on the kindle. Happy ending.
I’m tired from crying.

28/8/2014 – 20 Days
8.35am
I woke laughing this morning.
I had a dream these creatures were playing on some sort of swing. They were HUGE contraptions. One creature was flung off, somersaulted in the air and landed, then the swing came around and swiped him flying in the air again. No one was hurt but it was so comical and seemed so real. I was really chuckling and so close to being awake. I haven’t laughed myself awake in a long time.
Maybe a hangover from The Host. Creatures and Humour.
My eyes are tired today and blurry. I’ll rest them when I can and not read tonight.
I ate some pasta I made tonight. That was 3 hours ago. I still feel sick and I have a headache. I ate some cheese before the pasta and that’s what gave me the headache. I’m drinking lots of water and tea. BLECH!

29/8/2014 – 21 Days
Read a little. My eyes are sore. My meditation has fallen away. Being centred is also falling away.
Visited the Australian Reptile Park today.
Also had a lot of Support Calls. EUGH! No escape.
The animals, plants and insects were so beautiful. An Echidna sleeping on the heat lamp with its four feet dangling down.
The Rock Wallabies sleeping with their tails between their legs.
The Cassowary, so huge, so unique, so beautiful.
Koala fur, soft like a brush or moss.
I loved it.

30/8/2014 – 22 Days
Long arduous trip to Penrith today. Over 4 hours travel time. I spent most of it reading. It wasn’t so bad really. Just a bit long.
Sasha made a lovely Salmon and Salad for dinner. I had a small piece with salad to be polite. I felt too full afterwards. Too, too full.

1/9/2014 – 24 Days
The Body is a process, not a structure. River of intelligence. Air – Water – Food. I heard or read that somewhere today.
Jedda made the funniest noise tonight. I was a “Sneezeberry” which is a combination of a sneeze and a raspberry. I have laughed about 3-4 times already just remembering it.
I tried some crackers with fetta tonight. 1 x orange and some ginger pieces. I feel full. My clothes are hanging off me a bit. I still feel fine so I am going to keep going.
I feel calm most of the time now. Even when I hear him in the morning, my stomach doesn’t sink.
Today: 4 crackers with fetta, 3 crackers with a slice of cheese with lemon, ¼ cup oats fermented in lemon.
Tired and cold today.
Mood is OK. Even tempered.
I forgot to mention my libido is back. Yay! Feeling amazing in base.

3/9/2014 – 26 Days
¼ cup lemon fermented porridge, toast with lemon juice and cheese
Honey and lemon tea, piece of ginger and 1 jelly snake
I don’t ‘need’ breakfast anymore.
I’m still TOTALLY amazed every day I’m functioning as well…normally, without any food at all really or very, very little.

4/9/2014 – 27 Days
Meditation back on track.
Eyes already improving. Huh?!
Sleeping well.
Feeling good.
Small bowl ¼ cup of lemon fermented porridge with honey.
Tasting, chewing, swallowing habit hard to break.
Not really hungry.
Lots of energy in base.

5/9/2014 – 28 Days
Meditation today – 50 mins. Eyes better and better.
I caught James Reine at The Laycock Theatre tonight.
I could feel the music going through me – drifted off a bit for a song or two.
A bit tired now but I want to read a little.
It’s cold. Hot water bottle time.

6/9/2014 – 29 Days
Completed 2 meditations.
Eyes seem to be improving although reading for 8 hours straight is testing them.
Walked to the shop for a break.
Slept well. Libido 100% back.
I woke with a cold backside and legs but the rest of me warm. I tried thinking sexy thoughts to warm up and fell asleep again…and slept in.

8/9/2014 – 30 Days
My heart is aching tonight. My whole heart/chest area.
My libido is back and my heart aches.
I won’t try and hazard a meaning.
My right breast is still sensitive to touch. Are they related?

9/9/2014 – 31 Days
I came across something today. A program designed for the heart. Coincidence? No.
“Truth is self-authenticating.” Love it.
“The only way home is by flying”
My ears are popping as I transcribe this!
“Words, definitions and intellectual concepts are the greatest hindrance to experiential wisdom.”
“All growth is reduction”
I reached out to an old school friend today.
My heart aches…still.
STOP – LET GO – LISTEN.

10/9/2014 – 32 Days
My heart doesn’t ache so much today.