Holidays have never meant that much to me beyond the materialistic, “Ooh, do I get something on this day?”, attitude that I held onto much longer than can be chalked up to being “young and naïve”. Being around friends and family can always be comforting but, often, you are celebrating a day that is geared towards some appreciation, even though that appreciation could (and probably should) be felt and expressed every day. Setting aside a specific day for this appreciation, while seemingly done with good intentions, often enables many an individual to focus their attention only on that specified date. Father’s Day falls under this large umbrella but, to me, there is an extra element that puts such days into a different category.
Having been a father now for almost seven years, it is nice that some people, my children included, want to express the sentiments that go along with wishing someone a Happy Father’s Day. That my children want to go the extra mile to make something to give me on this day is also very touching, although completely unnecessary. They express their love for me in a myriad of ways on a regular basis, which lets me know that I am doing, at least, a half-way decent job. That love is appreciated and cherished, yet even it is not required.
You see, my children have no obligation to me whatsoever. They did not choose to be brought into this world. They are here based solely on a decision made between their mother and I, and they literally had no say in the matter. Once that decision was made, it became my responsibility to be their steward on their own paths to self-ownership. I am here to help them along the way and while I do provide sustenance, shelter, and security for them now, they are under zero obligation to me. I, on the other hand, am obligated to provide for them and help them reach the point of self-reliance, as their mere existence is a consequence of my prior actions. They will never owe me one_damn_thing. If I continue to receive their love and affection, then it will only be due to me having earned that love. They will never be obligated to provide such just because I am their dad.
I see far too many people that act offended or seek pity because they are not shown what they perceive to be adequate amount of appreciation on these types of days. Can feeling unappreciated hurt someone? Sure, but does that necessarily mean that others have failed you? Is it possible that you are responsible, on some level, for that lack of appreciation? Is it possible that you are placing undue, positive obligations on others in the first place? Perhaps those that feel like they are being overlooked should look inward first, before attacking outwardly or demanding pity.
I can even recall being told that I “had” to call certain people on certain days, as if I did have some obligation to do so. I never really questioned such matters at the time but, looking back, they were essentially guilt trips based on situations that I literally had no control over. I never want my children to feel like that. I never want my children to feel that they “must” do something based upon my decisions, especially when that decision occurred before they even existed. I only want their love and respect if I have earned such. If I fail to receive these things, then I must first look inward to recognize my own failings.
So, while the sentiments expressed towards people like myself today are nice, they are wholly unnecessary. I, for one, do not need nor deserve a “special day” because I chose to have a passionate moment with the woman I love. The birth of my children is the greatest gift I have ever, and can ever, receive(d) and it is the only one that I will ever need due to their existence. They should be celebrated on this day, not me. I will always be thankful for their love and respect; I just hope that I can keep earning both.
Great post. This is exactly how I feel.
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