Funny how I used to say, “I know what I want”.
Funny how I perfectly identify red flags then end relationships despite knowing it would hurt me. Then, you took over, and I didn’t mind. I liked that you controlled me.
I had goals, was happy alone, and didnt need someone else to make my days worth waking up to.
You made me realize I still bend. I became incapable of standing my ground. Felt like I was standing on soft, white, Boracay sand; unstable and afraid of losing you. Like waves crashing on me, hurting me - but I still wanted it.
I knew you weren’t I was looking for. I doubt our feelings were electric. Hell, our bodies learned how to be one. But being this unreasonable and hard-headed twenty something year old, I pushed through - despite knowing it would end at some point. I was still willing to invest my time, money and feelings because I liked that you liked me. Almost feeling that it was the best feeling I’ve ever felt. Honestly, I didn’t want to admit that I made a mistake of letting you tear down my walls, walls as high as the majestic Sagrada Familia.
Because you staring into my eyes made me feel like I was worth something. Like I was this irreplaceable and precious girl you don’t mind spending your days with. Remember you had daydreams of settling down with me? I liked those. It stimulated what I wanted for myself - being wanted. Being wanted by someone like you.
You were this guy who made me feel ugly and unwanted, but when you speak, your words reassure me that I was enough for you.
Funny how you didn’t really mean what you said.