There are two ways to describe patriarchy. First, as a sociopolitical system marked by the privileging of men over women. Second, as an unfair system with a conscience which, without any real, palpable threats, admitted its own mistakes and injustices and made amends. A system that refused to call the bluff of feminine logic, that turned against its own gender and cut itself to size. Feminism owes a large part of its success to the support of men.
A trite remark, nonetheless it is necessary to help us avoid the danger of a single story. Patriarchy has been so demonized you'd think it's all sour grapes: a system that is, arguably, responsible for the glory of the developed world as we see it. The skyscrapers, the physical developments, the moon landings, the technological revolutions that make life easy today—all owe their actualisation largely to patriarchy, to men who worked the dirt spreading bare backs in the sun to build our infrastructures—but these are ignored by the single story. To this point, we shall return later.
There are at least three major areas of human empowerment: politics, economy, and culture.
Politics: Are there specific Nigerian laws that are anti-women?
Perhaps. If there are, what do you do? Mobilize a legal machinery to dislodge them. Does the Nigerian constitution discriminate against women in political participation? I'm not aware. In any case, there are more female than male voters in Nigeria. So we can say, theoretically at least, that women have untapped political power.
Economy: In the public sector, I'm not aware if there are any anti-women policies. If there are, the ministry of women affairs should be able to challenge them. In the private sector, emphasis is on competence rather than on gender. There may be exceptions.
Culture: There are many elements of women discrimination in several cultural spaces within Nigeria. Property inheritance, polygamy, social discrimination, etc. Culture, which includes social perception and engagement, is where the major problem lies. This aspect pours into every other thing so much that, even with a level political or economic playing field, women will still have problems. It is the reason a woman can compete in an election with a man less qualified and still lose, because, perception. Because, prejudice. The laws can regulate what you say or do, but not what you think. It's like this: a member of a minority ethnic group is complaining that his stock has not been allowed to rule Nigeria, and we retort that there's nothing in the laws stopping him from contesting.
In other words, women mostly have a perception problem: a public relations problem.
Perception is a public relations subject. There are meaningful approaches to solving wrong perception. Rabble-rousing is not one of them. Failing to appreciate context in feminism; mudslinging and turning those who reject the identity and the megaphone of aso-ebi feminism into victims of intellectual snobbery, sometimes even victims of a noisy ignorance—these are not strategic approaches to solving wrong perception—in fact, they can further deepen it.
There is substance to the endless venting. The Nigerian girl-child is coming from a far, ugly place and has legitimate accusations against patriarchy and therefore the anger is totally understandable, if not justified. Social awareness becomes a means of both expression and mobilization. Against what? Patterns of thought. You have the legislation and all that, so you are not protesting a lack of paperwork for equality. You are fighting against how people think. You are going to bully people to think in a certain way? How are you going to achieve that? With unintelligent anger, you will create hate, not awareness. Is there any organized feminist movement in Nigeria, with a clear strategy to counter bad gender stereotypes?
Wrong perception of women is borne by both men and women. Popular feminism is unwilling to own the failure of women in the whole conversation, a thing patriarchy did. Where being a feminist is to endlessly parrot anti-men rhetoric, bully, and shame decent conversation, elevate pettiness to occupation, those incapable of psychological violence will stay away.
FOUR REASONS MANY INFORMED PEOPLE WHO ORDINARILY SHOULD SUPPORT GENDER EQUALITY, ARE AGAINST
- It is simplistic to think feminism is just equality of the sexes. It goes beyond that to interrogate culture, sociology, politics, etc. Say, you are female, Christian, feminist. Soon you realise the patriarchy of your faith: A male God, a male Savior, male angels, a male-chauvinistic theology, etc. Depending on how feminist you are, you may soon begin to rationalize, cherry pick, or completely give up your faith. Many people, especially conservatives, fear this—fear the prospect of apostasy from feminism—and they have a point. They would be fine with gender equality, only that they fear a slippery slope that can unseat vested interests and an established religious order.
And then it is naive to think that popular feminism does not apply to domestic issues like #WifeNotCook. In Africa, not yet, but it always gets to that. It's only a matter of time. Those who have lived with, or studied the Western variant, can testify. There, the movement has exhausted all its core agenda and is now bickering over issues like "Manspreading", "Mansplaining", etc.
For the most part, Western feminism has unseated patriarchy and, in many cases, has installed itself as the new dictatorship. This scares many who fear the whole thing might over-balance. But it's coming anyway and there's little anyone can do to stop it. A couple of decades and at least social patriarchy will be hounded off the stage.
Many informed anti-feminist women would rather have a good man and let things remain the way they are. Feminism means you have to share the bills and work your ass off. If I had my way, I wouldn't work. "Me too!" they'd say.
There is the fear of eventual cultural confusion. Bride price or not? Who moves to whose house, to whose village, the man or the woman? Whose name should the children bear? Needless fears, but they are there, potent. Western feminism does not face these cultural realities so all of these do not arise there.
Popular movements have the knack for group-think such that, those who define their own ideals as they deem fit, who move at their own paces, are ridiculed and shamed. Yet that is not enough to dismiss the entire idea
Wow amazing post. Yes! I am unique, I an special, there is so much about it that my maker has deposited. We are really not just there to cook and clean, we should shine forth in other possible areas. Thanks for this inspiration @evelyniroh
I checked your post and I like the topic and the reasoning. Personally, I like the aspect where u mentioned the thinking pattern problem as a problem both men and women face. In all honesty, I do realize that the society could be unfair to women especially in the cultural aspect. However, I think the female folk are the main ones behind their problems as of today. Have u gone ever to seek employment? U find a lot more males hustling their asses off to get jobs than females even tho we all went to school together. Yet, they scream "society is unfair". In the schooling systems we have today, females tend to get a pass on almost anything they do (compared to males) simply cos they are females. I know that for certain. I know how many times I have had to take a female friend with me when going to make complaints cos the lecturers seem soft when there is a female involved. I have seen so many women empowerment schemes in youth systems that end up robbing males of opportunities and giving females unfair advantage (an advantage people beg them to take. Yet, few females respond). Talk about the issue of domestic violence. In our days, even gangsters on the streets hardly hit females. I Av seen more females hitting males than I Av seen males hit females. In fact, in my secondary school, three different ladies hit me cos they were confident I would be dealt with if I hit them back. I could go on and on. Yes, I believe feminism will become a dictatorship like in Europe if it is given a free rein here. Certain things I will never give up include the benefit/right of having my children bear my name. And I think females should stop screaming how men are unfair to them. Instead, get your ass up and make use of the opportunities available to u. If our grandmothers and mothers complain, I agree. But in this day and time, most of my female colleagues had it easier than I did because society tends to lean towards female sentiments now. Av u seen a girl accuse a guy of rape? Nobody cares his side. As soon as she accuses, he is guilty. No form of justice whatsoever.
Well said seun, the modern woman has it better and has probably evened out the imbalance with her male counterpart.
I really wish feminism would harp more on liberating the oppressed women in the rural areas who still suffer from genital mutiliation, child marriage, widowhood maltreatment, sexual objectification and poor sexual education.
These ones need the attention more than the everyday city woman who has an almost level playing field with the man.
That's my point exactly. It seems to benefit the woman who has a huge career and gives her advantages but those who are really victims like the trafficked women, the women oppressed in the villages and those in systems were females are not given access seem to be ignored.
Wow Ma'am, this is the best breakdown i've read... TED-standard speech (not like I know what that is, lol)
...and I'm more particular about the perception problem
I literally just wandered off to almost reading it all over again...I'm sure gonna do that!
Lemme come and carry myself and be going away, awesome writeup; well written, clear message!!!
#OkBye
#Shared
When I started reading this, I was expecting to see some #menaredemons story. However, I dare to say that I am impressed with what you have written here. Kudos to you for the breakdown.
Women, like men, should try to do the impossible. And when they fail, their failure should be a challenge to others.
I agree
Ok I don't know about others, but I see every human as human; without a recourse to a particular gender. And in the light of the above, I advocate for fairness from/to each gender.
Nice piece
True
You hit the nail by the head
Said it all, i can barely add anything
Thanks dear