Why is “feminism” a dirty word? Why are so many women who otherwise view themselves as proponents of equality, freedom, and liberty still reluctant to be called “feminists”? Why are so many men who claim that same love of equality, freedom, and liberty so disgusted and threatened by feminism and feminists? It’s hard to ignore the negative connotation of the terms feminism and feminist, and I have to say I find that incredibly frustrating.
TFW someone acts like "feminism" is a curse word.
For a long time, though, I felt the same way. I’d often start my contributions to any conversations dealing with sex or gender with, “I’m not a feminist, but…” in an effort to distance myself from what I thought of as a sort of lunatic fringe social movement. I’d tell myself, “Feminism used to be necessary, but everything’s good now. Today’s feminists are a bunch of man-hating shrews who are just screeching to hear themselves screech.” Oh, to be that naïve again.
First, let me say that I don’t view myself as an oppressed individual suffering under the thumb of the patriarchy. In fact, I actually consider myself fairly privileged in the grand scheme of things. I’m (relatively) young, straight, white, highly educated, gainfully employed, well insured, happily married, (mostly) healthy, and well-housed; my parents are still married; I don’t have a criminal record; and my only addictions are caffeine and nicotine (and maybe Netflix). By most objective standards, my life is good—damn good, really.
But I’m a feminist.
I’m not out marching in a pu--ahem--pink hat or exposing my breasts to “free the nipple.” And I’m not lecturing men, either in person or online, about what a bunch of misogynistic, oppressive assholes they all are. I’m not even raising hell campaigning for my “reproductive rights.” But I’ll say it again, loud and proud: I am a feminist.
None of these people are me. But I dig that guy's straw crown, though.
What that means to me is that I call discrimination based on sex what it is: sexism. It means that I recognize the illegitimacy of power structures that purposely impede or even totally shut-out women for no other reason than that they are women. It means I value ability and merit over a person’s biological plumbing. It means that when I encounter sexist and misogynistic ideas in my daily life, I make an effort to address them when it’s practical to do so.
I don’t want, and I certainly don’t expect, some government intervention to level the playing field for women—mostly because I generally don’t want government intervention in anything. But I do think women should be concerned with promoting their own best interests, and I do think that far too many people, both men and women, are fostering woefully outdated and ultimately harmful attitudes about women and equality.
I’d like to share just a couple pieces of anecdotal evidence illustrating why feminism is important to me and why it’s not the boogey (wo)man many people seem to believe it is.
I had a student a few semesters ago (about 19 or 20 years old) turn in an essay arguing that women shouldn’t be allowed to fill combat positions in the US military. His position on the issue in and of itself wasn’t a problem; I can think of several reasonable arguments against it myself. The thing is that one of his primary supporting points for why women are unsuitable for combat was that they “lose half their power every month during menstruation.” I shit you not. This kid actually believed that a woman’s period literally saps her of 50% of her physical strength. Mind you, I’d never once cancelled that class or shown up to teach in a wheelchair during the 17-week semester, and Wonder Woman I ain’t. To make matters worse, he’d plagiarized huge portions of the essay (from a woman), and when I talked to him about it, he blamed his girlfriend, saying that he’d asked her to “check” it for him and she must have created all the problems in the essay in a misguided attempt to help him. And did I mention that the assignment wasn’t even for an argumentative essay? It was for a rhetorical analysis. I mean, really, c’mon.
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These guys get it.
This wasn’t the only time I had major issues with work this particular student turned in, but he ultimately managed to squeak by with a D. At the end of the semester after I’d posted grades, I checked my student surveys, which are anonymous, and had no doubt which one was from him. It read something like, “She’s a modern day feminist. You’ll do okay if you’re a girl, not for guys.” And that sort of pissed me off. He didn’t get a D in my class because I just hate men and want to see them struggle; I didn’t give him a hard time because I believe in equality of the sexes. He did poorly in my class because he turned in shoddy work and refused to follow the assignment instructions, even after I gave him an opportunity to resubmit. But right there in black and white, for anyone at that university who cares to look at it, is an assessment of my abilities as a teacher claiming that my feminism damages male students’ chances of success in my course. Why? Because feminists hate men, duh.
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A few months ago, shortly after I started in my current faculty position, I went out to lunch with several of my colleagues and the conversation turned to politics. Perhaps unsurprisingly, a lot of the people I work with skew liberal, so when someone brought up the rape allegations against Bill Clinton and how they might affect Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign, I wasn’t particularly shocked when one of my more vocally political colleagues jumped to the Clintons’ defense. But then he said, “Bill Clinton was a very attractive man in the 80s; he wouldn’t have had to rape anyone, especially not someone like Juanita Broaddrick.” This tenured college professor was speaking to three women at the time, and he made this ridiculous assertion as though it were common knowledge that only men who can’t get a piece of tail the old fashioned way are rapists, and they’re only rapists because they have to be. It’s not like anyone could reasonably expect a man to do without sex even if he doesn’t have a consenting partner, right? Right.
Interestingly, this same colleague told me just this week that I’m “politically obligated” to view the upcoming Wonder Woman movie. You know, never mind that I far prefer the Marvel cinematic universe; having ovaries means I have to be a Wonder Woman fan.
Well...I do kinda like that bit.
I’ve got dozens of stories in the same vein, ranging from the time of my early youth to earlier today, and those are just the ones I can remember and could recognize despite my deeply ingrained tendencies toward conforming to gender expectations. Hardly a day goes by when I don’t see some blatant casual sexism (or even outright misogyny) in person and on social media. Even the feminism tag here on Steemit (which appears on only 189 posts) has more than a handful of posts mocking and/or bemoaning the Feminist Scourge. And some of the attacks on feminism are so ignorant it hurts; it's like a willful refusal to even try to understand an alternative perspective.
Please note that I’m not denying the existence of misandry; it exists, and it’s a problem. But that does not negate the ongoing problem of misogyny. And while I’ve noticed plenty of people in liberty-minded circles willing to acknowledge the dangers misandry poses for both young men and young women, I’m often disappointed by how dismissive those same people can be of legitimate feminist concerns, despite the fact that doing so is as damaging to men and women as misandry.
I’m advocating for a better understanding of feminism. Like most –isms, it’s got some pretty crappy offshoots, but I urge you to avoid painting us all with the same brush. Work against the cognitive dissonance required to maintain sexist behaviors while refusing to admit the reality of widespread sexism. More people should ask themselves if that bad taste in their mouths and that queasy feeling really come from the true concepts behind the words “feminist” and “feminism” or if they’re more likely the result of knowing, at least on some level, that this disdain for feminism is a knee-jerk reaction to the unpleasantness of genuinely examining their values and actions.
I’m a feminist because the reality of the world I live in is that women are, generally speaking, valued less than men; we are frequently less respected than men, we typically have more negative and unreasonable expectations placed upon us, and we often suffer more harm from long-established power structures and social conventions. Until those things are no longer true, I think I need feminism so that I can keep working toward making them not true. I owe that to myself and to my daughters, and I’m not ashamed to use the F-word.
Very well put. It can be lonely in the liberty community as a feminist. I've been told I am NOT a feminist because I don't believe in government intervention to force preferential treatment for women on society. Not by radical feminists who espouse such action, but by men in the liberty community. Thanks for putting yourself out there.
Very true. It can be isolating. I wrote an article many months ago about the trials of being a Christian, a feminist and an anarchist.
I'm going to check it out, thanks!
I'll just give you the link here. That's easier since this post was from about 8 months ago. I also wrote another post about why I "came out" as a feminist. Like the author of the post we're commenting on, it was an internal struggle for a while.
Thanks for linking these posts! You make some excellent points, and it's nice to see that we've got some kindred spirits out there. @jrhughes and I have talked at length about the perceived incompatibility of these (actually complementary) values.
Read and followed. From one Christian Anarchist Feminist to another, welcome to this extremely little club, lol. Glad to see it getting a little bigger :)
It's still pretty uncomfortable to try to talk about seriously. It feels like a minefield sometimes with the "gotcha" mentality and the no-true-Scotsman responses.
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I was raised in the sex attitudes of the 50s and 60s and transformed my attitudes in the 70s. However, I withdrew my support for "feminism" recently because they are about attacking white men. When it comes to Islam and how Muslims treat women, feminists whistle a different tune: "Oh, it's Muslim culture." When feminists go after the overwhelming bulk of misogyny, I will reconsider supporting feminism.
I can understand how certain squeaky wheels might come to be seen as somehow speaking for all feminists, but it's not like feminists are one-size-fits-all. I've never personally been invited to vote on a platform or anything, lol. To me, feminism is about being aware that there are certain disadvantages to being a woman that are not inherent in womanhood, but are societally imposed or mistakenly held to be inherent. It's about recognizing those things and peacefully working to alter those mistaken ideas when possible. As a mom to a daughter and two sons I feel very strongly the need for balance: to address within society the places my daughter might be slighted without an overcorrection that will mean my sons are slighted instead.
As for requiring feminists to go after the overwhelming bulk of misogyny... I'm not sure how that would work. Do you mean every person who calls themselves a feminist must be fighting all misogyny all the time? I admit I am much more focused on my own family and their experiences for now, but I also know Gillian Anderson is active in and supportive of groups several feminist groups that help women and children in Arab countries to be freed from their domestic situations if they so desire.
As for attacking white men, I'm married to a white man myself and I've only ever attacked him in a good way ;) as I'm sure @lrancap will agree 😂
I read your article about the rape culture and I know there are places this is a big problem and I certainly don't condone it. If it comes up I'm 100% against it as would be any feminist I know personally. I think what I'm trying to say is that the "rules" for being a feminist shouldn't be defined by people that have already decided they hate feminism. And what @nayzer is doing here (bravely imo considering the tone of most articles in the feminism topic) is say, "You can be a feminist and call yourself a feminist without being a man-hating bitch." Not for the benefit of man-hating bitches, but for the benefit of those of us who feel like admitting to being a feminist automatically taints us AS man-hating bitches.
To be clear, I think women in general have been held down for millennia in Western Civilization , but things are changing. Great! My real focus is on Islam. In case you haven't noticed, Islam is coming to the U.S. It has already hit Europe and with it comes Islamic law (sharia) and mysogyny. Have you noticed an increase in women on the street wearing hijabs lately? It is not a fashion statement. It is a political statement that says: "I support sharia and the subjugation of women and live my life according to sharia." Islam is many steps backward for our non-Muslim society in general and for women in particular. This must be stopped.
BTW, thanks for your real and candid discourse. I'm not afraid to deal with serious issues on Steemit and appreciate cogent commentary.
As a newcomer I have to say the level of courtesy shown even when people disagree here is astounding and I appreciate that we can disagree agreeably, thank you for that.
I understand your focus being on Islam, but for me I live in rural PA and truly haven't seen any increase in hijab wearing (or any hijab wearing around here at all). That's not to say it isn't happening elsewhere, but I've kind of pulled back from focusing on big political issues these past few years. My children are 10, 15, and 17, and my main focus has been on what I can do best for them within our small, local world. That may change when they are self-sufficient, but for now I am aiming at raising kids who share my respect of liberty and peaceful, voluntary interactions.
I believe that a generation of children raised with respect and the ability to think critically about the world around them will be the best inoculation against injustice whether it comes in the form of something as mundane as a sexist school principal telling the female student body their clothing choices are responsible for the males' falling test scores or as blatantly horrific as gang rape to punish a woman for "promiscuity." It just so happens that in my corner of the world, the more mundane is what affects me personally, so that's what I choose to focus on for now and I want to be able to say that is feminist enough to be a feminist ;)
At this point I'm basically writing a whole new post so I'll take my leave but I hope you don't mind if I tag you when I post because your thoughtful comments have actually helped me clarify some things in my own mind. Thank you and best of luck!
Thank you and perhaps we'll butt heads again sometime;) I'm not afraid of animated discourse and if you see untruth in my posts, please feel free to point out the errors in my way of thinking. Have fun!
Thanks for replying. It's not been my experience that feminists defend the oppression and abuse of anyone based on that person's culture or religion. In regards to feminism and Islam, the reluctance I've witnessed from self-proclaimed feminists is to condemn the wearing of hijabs, burkas, niqabs, chadors, or what have you as inherently oppressive, and that seems to stem primarily from many Muslim women's insistence that they wear these garments as a willing and enthusiastic expression of their faith. Since a basic tenet of feminism is that individual women should have control over how they present themselves, I don't see a conflict there. I must also respectfully disagree that rapes in Sweden, or even just rapes committed by Muslim men make up the "overwhelming bulk of misogyny." It's so much more than that.
Thanks for your discourse, I like to get down on and debating ideas. For me, it is a way of getting at the truth of the matter rather than just winning the argument. It is one way I learn in life.
For the sake of argument, you stated:
This contradicts the subsequent statement where you show how feminists (albeit self-proclaimed) defend repressive Muslim female clothing on religious grounds:
It is important to recognize that Islam is not merely just another religious faith. It is an excellent plan to conquer the planet by any means possible. They almost succeeded centuries ago, but were defeated.
According to Islam, the penalty for leaving Islam is death. This is hardly a situation conducive to freely putting down your hijab. Furthermore, honor killings are another misogynistic Islamic tradition. We had one recently here in Phoenix. A young girl was wearing makeup and dressing like a teenager and her father killed her. This is not just an isolated incident. We recently had Islamists murder and suicide bomb a stadeum full of young women in Manchester because of their decadent Western ways. FYI bombings by Islamists and throwing acid in the faces of women are happening all day long.
In summary, I don't care about people's silly religious superstitions. That is not something worth talking about. What I do care about is political Islam's on-going conquest of Western Civilization and I am willing to fight for MY freedom.
I think I may need to clarify what I mean when I say the feminists I've had experience with are reluctant to identify Muslim women's garments as oppressive. It might seem rather petty given the abundance of more immediately threatening issues, but for many feminists, a major sticking point is the right for a woman to wear what she pleases, whether that means covering themselves from head-to-toe or running around buck naked. And the feminists that feel that way find themselves struggling to reconcile that value belief with the idea that women could willingly participate in a religious system that dictates their dress.
So what I'm trying to say--maybe a little inarticulately--is that they're not defending restrictive dress on religious grounds but rather defending religious women's right to participate in what outsiders view as oppressive. They find themselves in a position in which to do otherwise would be tantamount to demanding that a modest woman walk around in a miniskirt and tube-top, which is equally oppressive, just in the other direction.
For the record, I do worry that a number of the Muslim women who vocally support their religious garments are doing so under duress (because, as you say, dissent could very well mean death), but that topic is so far outside my wheelhouse that I can't adequately and responsibly address it without first doing an abundance of research.
"they're not defending restrictive dress on religious grounds but rather defending religious women's right to participate in what outsiders view as oppressive"
Exactly! As a Christian woman who usually chooses to dress modestly, enjoys cooking and cleaning, and regularly says things like, "Honey, I didn't get married so I could kill the spider," I believe that feminism needs to be respectful of all women's choices that don't cause harm to others. I find it just as anti-woman if a feminist tells me I'm less of a woman for choosing family over career, as I do when a Pastor tells women in the congregation they need to be guardians of men's virtue by covering up their tempting shoulders.
I was raised near the beach, where much of my free time was spent in daisy dukes and bikini tops (when I could rock that look, lol) and when I moved to the south, my female landlord was scandalized by my wearing a tank top. I imagine if I had been raised in a culture that considered a tank top to be a sexual overture to every man within eyesight of me, I might feel really uncomfortable wearing tank tops, however oppressive that might seem to a person raised on the beach in NJ. And if I had been raised in a culture that considered showing my hair to be similarly sexual in nature, I might not feel comfortable forgoing the hijab no matter how oppressive it seems to someone raised in East Texas where you can bear your hair but not your upper thighs without fear of castigation.
So I agree that certain sects of Islam retain the ugly tribalistic degradation of women as a major aspect of their culture and that is wrong, obviously. But to tell a woman who was raised that way that she must westernize her dress because the way she was raised is wrong, seems to simply be a revictimization of an already victimized woman.
I think the term "feminism" has more opposing definitions than "capitalism" these days. Misandry gets the most press, while the idea of basic equal rights to life, liberty, and property is somehow "patriarchy" to such people.