The requisite to be a feminist is to believe that women and other groups suffer more, but not only that, you have to believe they suffer more because men benefit from it. Basically, they want to paint a picture where men created this world completely alone, and women are not responsible for anything, not even by inaction, and just respond to their unfortunate circumstances.
Feminists will tell you that their ideology doesn't cause this men hating trend but that's not true. I know because I am transgender. I have dealt with them while being perceived as a woman, man and trans.
Men don't have it better. I thought this was true but I found out differently when I started walking those shoes. Since I have been trying to warn feminist of the error in their logic, but they don't want to hear it.
I don't think that feminism is completely wrong. I just strongly dislike the misandry that tends to be tied into it. There are TONS of controversial feminism topics, especially things like female careers and the wage gap, and some statistics and articles are in favor of the women, others in favor of men. Some are just meant to be numbers to reveal the truth. There are a lot of misinformed feminists that just believe everything they want to believe, and don't really look for the facts behind their rhetoric.
That said, there are a lot of people that accurately define themselves as feminists and practice the philosophy in a wholesome and non-aggressive way. Just because there's some crazy man-hating nuts out there doesn't mean I can discredit the ones doing valid work.
However, I do agree with you that people that believe that every single man goes out of his way to oppress women and benefit from it are naive. That notion is incredibly misinformed and often supported with skewed numbers and statistics.
Again, the requisite to be a feminists is to think men make things harder for women because that would in turn make things easier for themselves. Financial disparities or anything else that relates to female institutionalized regulations can be discussed outside feminism, those are not feminists' topics even if feminists bring them up often. The feminist bit relies on that thought, that men do whatever they say men do on purpose, to hurt them and help themselves, even unconsciously. This way of thought causes that resentment you dislike, but it is this way of thought that is the foundation of feminism.