*This is based on a true story of someone I have known for much long. I will write it step by step here. I haven't exactly done this before. So if you find any mistakes or any need for improvements, do tell me. *
I was the youngest member of the family. I was accustomed of all the attention of family. It made me a stubborn and ill-mannered. I also was a bright student, promising in studies, always scored a first position in class. My parents and relatives used to give example of mine in family functions. I remember Dada G telling other people how their Pota, Toor, has aced yet another exam. Dada G loved me the most. He was the person I would go to whenever I needed anything. He never laid a finger on me except just once. I blamed Devi for that but I knew it wasn’t his fault it was totally my mistake.
A summer before I turned 10 me and Devi planned to bunk the school for the first time. It was my idea. We were playing cricket when I asked him about it.
‘Oy Devi, listen. What do you think about not going to school tomorrow?’ he was preparing to play a ball when I interrupted him.
‘What do you mean?’ he didn’t understand what I was trying to say.
‘I mean what about we won’t go to school tomorrow.’ I said, emphasizing my every single word.
‘You know Granny will not allow me to be absent from school without any reason neither will you mother.’ He replied.
‘I know. But what If we left for school from home but don’t actually go there.’ I asked him with a wicked smile.
‘What do you mean?’ he looked confused. I started wondering if he really was that dumb or just trying to be.
‘O khotay, I am talking about bunking school tomorrow.’ I said angrily.
‘You mean Phutta’ his eyes widened up.
For at least about two three minute he just stood there staring at ground thinking. I was staring at him.
After that he looked up and only thing he said was ‘What if get caught?’ he was afraid.
‘We won’t.’ I replied him merrily. ‘Now get over it and play the ball.’
It might be the only day I think of when I didn’t fight with him over the cricket. I wanted him to be relaxed. I wanted to do it and I know I can’t afford to do it alone. That’s why I asked him and I know he wasn’t going to accept it so easily. He needs more convincing. So I spent all day trying to convince him. He resisted at first but at the end of the day he surrendered before my will and agreed to my plan. I barely slept that night, excited about coming day. Devi’s condition wasn’t much different from me. He also didn’t get enough sleep that night. The only difference was that he was afraid and he had every right to be afraid. He knew that if anything bad is going to happen I am going to get away easily and he’d be left to suffer the cause. He was right. I only needed him just for that times. My plan was that if somehow we do get caught I would act innocent and blame whole thing on him and get out of it but I was wrong. He was wrong.
Next day we simply went on with our plan. We left home for school but never reached there. We went straight to the park. I have been saving money for the occasion from a long time. We spent an hour or two there. He was worried at first but as time passed he became less and less worried. From park we went to gaming zone and spent our rest of time there and then we went back to home at exact time. I was happy that everything went fine and nothing bad had happened but it turns out it was too early to expect that. Later that evening on our way back to home from playground we stopped to see a monkey’s spectacle and reached home little bit late than before. In the meantime a friend of Devi’s visited home looking for him. It was my mother who received him. She told him Devi isn’t present at the moment, as he is off to play cricket and if he wants he can meet him there. He told her he is coming from ground and he wasn’t there and then he asked her, why he was absent from school today? This brought up a chaos in the house. Upon returning to home Devi had to face Daada G. First he slapped him and then he asked, where he was today and with whom? Devi told them every single thing honestly and they believed him. It was like from the very start all of them knew that I was the mastermind behind it. I tried hard to convince everyone that Devi is lying but no one listened. It turns they had already called my teacher and asked him about my presence today. He completely denied it and told them I’d already given him an application that I can’t come to school today with his father’s signature on it. It was then me and my Daada G’s stick, which I tasted for the first time and will never forget about it. It was the worst day of my life.
Next day I and Devi had a huge fight and like always I was the one who got beaten up. He was much stronger than me. The incident caused serious damage on our relationship. We quit talking to each other. I completely boycotted him and he didn’t care. He would go on to his daily chores like nothing had happened. Finally summer came and we parted our ways. For years I’d like to think of summer as some mystical creature with a magic wand, a single spell of it and you could get a fresh new start. It always knew how to fill a gap between us and after summer things were back again as they were once before.
…………………………………………………………………………………………
Lying there listening to his whispers it was all coming back to me, memories of all those years. We have come a long way. I was seeing things clearly now the way I had never seen before. I was always a selfish person, it wasn’t my fault. I always use to console by labelling myself as a most selfish person and that it isn’t in my control, it’s just the way I am. But I never tried hard to change it. The worst part of it was that I was aware of all these things.
There was no more groaning or snorting or whispering, it was complete silence now. He was probably asleep but I was far away from it. I was keeping hearing voices, those weren’t coming from outside, from my inner self. A fight between good and evil side of me. But was there a good side of me? I wasn’t quite sure that I might know the answer. It wasn’t the first time it all was happening. ‘I was sure it will all just pass’ I thought as I closed my eyes and went deep in the memories again.
I remember of the times when I fell ill. My mother would sit around me whole night, looking after me, praying for my health. She won’t rest until I fully recovers. I tried to act strong and no matter how hard I try to hide my weaknesses, she always finds out. I never quite understand about how she’d do that. She would caress me, play with my hair, a soft and gentle smile on her face. It clearly lessens the pain. I hated being weak. I could fool the whole world about thinking how strong I am but not her. She always knew a way around that. There was this once time I had a serious accident. I was riding a bicycle when a motorbike coming from opposite side bumped with me. Its handle went straight to my face and ripped of my upper lip. I was unable to eat, drink and sleep properly for about a month. I knew how she spent that whole month. It looked as if it was her instead of me who had been in that accident. I know she’d probably done that if that’s in her power. That month was as painful for her as it was for me. I know that by now. It was clear right in front of my eyes.
Now Devi’s been in an accident and is going through same pain I once felt. But there wasn’t anyone for him to feel that pain with him. One who would gladly took away all his pain from him. One who would spent her nights waking up for him, caressing her with a soft and gentle smile. A smile which helps him forget all of his problems. A smile which is so bright that it can eliminate any demon in its way. I knew he had us but it wasn’t us who he needs right now. All he needs was his Ammi G by his side, who would soothe his pain.
I was finally getting answer of the questions I was once so curious about, questions I was so ignorant to ask. Now that I do know the answers I had no idea what to do with them. They were all just words for me.
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