Hi, you seem to be writing good :)
However I would recommend something:
Try to use images. You can use sites like Pixabay to find any images suiting for the text, as the images there are typically CC0, free for commercial use.
Secondly, if you are writing a continuing story, you can keep the story name in the title :) I recommend checking someone writing continuing stories like @suesa
Thanks mate :)
Will do that.