Awkward transition between 'These killers...' and 'My name is...' There's a jerk from the fantastical world to the mundane that threw me out of the story. Maybe a section break here would help. The sexual drive really comes through in this. The pairing of sci-fi/post-apoctalyptic/surreal elements with a regular, bored and lustful high schooler reminds me of Quinton and The Magicians, not a bad thing, but how can you build on that, or what can you add to that dynamic?
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I agree about that transition. For now I have placed a DEL tag. I might consider changing that paragraph to the last paragraph of the story. On the other hand, it might be better to simply introduce the character in the next chapter using dialogue attribution.
Great input. This is the kind of stuff that I'm looking for.
I've never read The Magicians although I have heard of it. I am unfamiliar with the story so I can assure you that this story has nothing to do with that one. I will tell you that I am aiming for a much darker story than is typical for this genre.
I actually have already written the second chapter of the story, but I am rewriting it....mostly because I felt the second chapter was heading in a direction that I was uncomfortable with. I will post the link if you would like to read it while I continue to change it.
https://steemit.com/fiction/@jeezzle/the-last-class-part-2
You know I just reread that chapter though, and I think I really like it. Maybe a few cosmetic changes but not much more than that.