stream of consciousness: I never planned it to be like this. I never dreamed it would be like this. But then I don't know what I pictured. We're these ever-changing things - moving, but not toward anything. I wish I'd understood this about life. Don't get me wrong - its not that its not awesome... it's just.... I wish I knew where I was going. we swirl around the lounge doing the saree dance with real long sarees, to ancient nordic folk music. we create a green and purple ocean which laps laughter against the walls. DANCE MOMMY!!! and in those instances - life is so full - so FULL and so many times a day. simple pleasures are like crystals hanging in the window with tiny child - I want to open her eyes and show her what love means every moment. I want the moments to refract and expand and transform into rainbows so she feels things and sees angles and possibility. 'thank you' we say to the dinosaurs and the soil and the tomato plant. guzzling down rainbow ice cream. she clings to my clothes but then dashes out of doors for adventures as quick. its a kind of sad - mothering - but I couldn't tell you why. Maybe its the kind that follows euphoria. a kind of love mania. Maybe its having to live your life with a little piece of your soul outside you. its a kind of madly intense bitter sweet - a total obliteration in its being. whats the opposite of a black hole. creation? <3
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