No more was the sky wide and awe-inspiring. The horizons, west and east, seemed steps away from each other and the clouds seemed like the fumes of a teapot. Silm stared at his claw that grabbed something imperceptible in the middle of a blur. Dreams of honour undone by the death of transcendence itself.
The ocean had taken his hand and called him brother. Silm dreamt of purpose, smiled and walked along. Life filled him with a sublime feeling, oh, Silm, and he felt as if he had known this feeling forever. But then the wind had come and frozen his bones and made him tremble and shake and clatter and break.
He felt as if it were life taking it all away, but looking back, the ocean had played him for a fool. The wind had left him news from the herald in the north. It whispered in his ear: "Silm, your force lies in the dark heats of the eternal tomb". The revelation of his nature filled him with a strength he had never known. A useless strength now that he could only see a strand of existence disappearing as he understood less and less of the world.
His consciousness faded little by little into nothingness, and with it, Silm was removed from all but one plane of existence, an eternal prison where no screams could be heard.
Image taken from Pixabay
I feel like this would translate well into poetry stanzas. Many of the lines are very poetic sounding.
I wonder if I should. I haven't written poetry in a long time, but I've been having a hard time with metrics and rhyming since English is not my first language and it's pretty hard. I've done some iambic pentameter poems before, but I'm finding them particularly hard recently.
You can play with the sounds of the language without rhyming or using meter. Just ask Milton :). I often find the sound of very structured poetry to be contrived and awkward. I usually use blank verse or free verse myself. Poetry is linguistic music, and you can get there your own way. Whatever inspires you.
Anyways you're great with rhyming - that's what brought this up:
"...the wind had come and frozen his bones and made him tremble and shake and clatter and break."
And you do some very rhythmic alliteration as well that a Viking scald would be proud of: "Silm stared at his claw that grabbed something imperceptible in the middle of a blur. Dreams of honour undone by the death of transcendence itself."
I was struck by the beat of the syllables in several places in this piece. I don't know if you did it consciously or just naturally, but the sound is very intoxicating in places which is why I suggested working it as a poem.
BTW check out this (https://steemit.com/poetry/@melaniesaray/unfading) for unrhymed poetry. I have quibbles with some of the grammar and punctuation but this is a second language speaker I think. Just listen to the sound of it - especially that third stanza. Amazing.
well, yes @mdbrantigham, not's my first laguage and i have so many things to improve, 'm fom Venezuela, but i'm so glad 'cause you liked my poem, thanks
Wow wow wow!!! Waking up this morning in my part of the world , checking out post from my favorite authors and the first one I came across is this. I’m so impressed, what a great fiction. You’re gifted my friend. I hope to wake up to see more beautiful piece like this from you. Thanks for sharing, you just made my day when it hasn’t started
:D Thank you, @olumideolowoyeye! I'm really glad you liked it and your flatters have struck a chord in me. I wish to keep making stories that inspire emotions in my readers. :)
You’re most welcome my friend.
Gasp... The ocean tricked another one... Poor Silm. Although he might have been a demon o.o
He actually was sort of a demon :) He's part of a very old saga that I had forgotten. They're an assortment of very cruel people who transcend into another dimension where the rules are not quite the same.
We are easily blinded by what we see and forgetting what we feel until too late we are doomed. Beautifully done. Short but holds much thought.
Indeed, we often overestimate our attention spans and we fall into expectedly unexpected pits.
I like that "expectedly unexpected pits." Can we blame ourselves though if we fall into such.
nice work on the imagery in your piece of writing. quite enjoyable to read.
:) Thank you, @paddygsound, that's nice to read. Glad you enjoyed the read.
good to see and read on this.it was good.keep it up.
:D I will keep it up!
Waooo.. fantastic photography, I congratulate you, a hug @cryptosharon.
Thanks, I took it from Pixabay. There's a ton of great stuff there for the taking. :) I hope you browse Pixabay and look at the neat pictures.
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