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RE: The Call of the Sea - Original Short Story

in #fiction7 years ago

This was lovely.

I loved two lines in particular:

I never got to fly with the seagulls but my brother Ande did get to swim with the turtles.

And:

My sorrow was an ocean that would never drain, the tsunami had taken my soul, my little brother Ande

I think you should watch the film Whale Rider, it has a very similar feel, and subject matter. And is a film I love recommending anyway.

I would just say that I'd recommend splitting the long paragraphs up, they're a tad too long.

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Thanks @geekorner. I'm glad you enjoyed the story and I appreciate the feedback. If you take a look I have acted upon it, breaking the body of the text into smaller paragraphs and using a page break to indicate where the new prompt comes in. Cheers for the recommendation by the way. I have tracked down the film Whale Rider and will give it a watch. Have you seen Jago- A Life Underwater? I wrote a review on it on steemit some time back. Check it out if you get a minute, it's on netflix :-)

Haven't seen that yet, will try :)

By the by, maybe do not break up the different segments. Yes, I wondered who he was talking to at first, and why there was such a split, but it's important to make it clear it's still the same piece.

Maybe a single asterisk?