What do you do when your ship is dealing with a bug infestation, and these pests are adapting to your most technological solutions? You call in a human pest control service! -- Anon Guest
If there is anything the Galactic Alliance knew before they knew anything true about Humans, it was that if you wanted something destroyed - they came very much in handy. Just make certain that they understand the assignment.
And don't ask too many questions about where the destroyed thing went. You do not want to know[1].
Their methods are often considered unconventional, but they are effective. On the other hand, they're known Deathworlders and therefore inherently dangerous. You would have to be truly desperate or ludicrously foolish to seek their help... and Captain Hjuek was not certain which of those applied to her.
Nevertheless, the rodents were everywhere on her ship, to the point where she and her crew had to sleep in their livesuits just so the little [SEVERE ANNOYANCE]s didn't start nibbling on their flesh. A secondary benefit of the livesuits was that they were mitigating the stench of the creature's effluvia.
Hjuek made it absolutely clear that she wanted the rodents eliminated from her ship... without harming the ship. Made absolutely certain the message could be understood by even the least intelligent cogniscent. Then she prayed to her gods that it would work.
The Humans spoke amazingly good Galstand for a bunch of barbarians[2]. "You leaving ship," they said. "Taking all much-wanting things. We doing best. Ship staying whole. We having plan."
The other Human, largely silent, had some boxy containers on a pallet. They said, "Dikwidintun."
Which was a mystery to Hjuek. She was just glad they kept their weird hairless faces behind an obfuscating panel. She was cowed enough by their height and bulk. The way they swayed when they stood still. The way they turned their heads or limbs. Like they were looking for something to hunt.
Creepy.
Much though she didn't want Humans running amok on her ship, she had to let the predators be predators. Since she didn't entirely trust them she kept the securicams active. Just to make sure they weren't doing anything nefarious.
They entered, conferring with each other in their barbarous tongue. They spent some minutes merely inspecting the layout. Occasionally stomping on the rodents with their huge, bludgeoning feet. They took the panels off the interior walls, disassembled some parts of the air recycling system, installed some other, temporary parts near the fans.
They spent another handful of minutes apparently bickering over which box to open first.
Then they opened their boxes. Carefully. One at a time. Starting with their agreed-upon prize. Which contained a small, fuzzy blur. It leaped from its container and zoomed through the hordes of rodents. Sending them scattering and flinging a few at hard surfaces.
Three more such creatures followed. Leaping on rodents, biting them. Tossing them around like the toys of an angry toddler. Some grabbed the rodents in their mouths and shook them aggressively.
The Humans were hardly doing anything. They stepped on rodents, and laid out sheets of something in seemingly random places. Thereafter, they returned to those sheets, peeling out a solid carpet of vermin, which they then stuffed into sacks.
If Hjuek wished to guess, she could safely posit that these Humans were... happy. They were doing their odd, barking call of joy at each other.
There were two kinds of animals that the Humans employed. Long-tailed ones that could leap alarming heights, and shorter, squatter ones that were less inclined to jump. Hjuek even picked up the Human word for the beasts.
She did not like the Terran cats. Of the two, she preferred their terriers.
Perhaps... they might be willing to trade some to her, in time.
[1] But if you must... they'll either eat it, befriend it, or otherwise take it home as resources. They'll only blow it up in extreme circumstances.
[2] Speciesism and micro-aggressions are real, even when kept to the cogniscent possessing them.
[Photo by Dawn McDonald on Unsplash]
If you like my stories, please Check out my blog and Follow me. Or share them with your friends! Or visit my hub site to see what else I'm up to.
Send me a prompt [15 remaining prompts!]
Hahahaha! This was a great piece! I enjoyed it.
For a moment it seemed like the aliens were treating the humans as pest control cats and then the humans deployed their own pest control cats and terriers!
Awesome!
!LOL
I love twisting a few expectations for comedy :D
Good stuff!
lolztoken.com
Plagiarism.
Credit: reddit
$LOLZ on behalf of zakludick
(6/8)
PLAY & EARN $DOOM
@internutter, I sent you anAwww look at those ferocious little murderbeasts go.
Those poor rodents x_x
Heheh. "Happy as a dog in a barrel of rats"