Johnny sat on his bed staring at the wall. Time was ticking and he was ready to go.
Picking up his backpack which he'd filled the night before, he opened his door and headed outside.
He latched the bag to his handlebars, shoving the pamphlet further into his back pocket.
10 a.m. launchtime. Venus rover! ....and a bunch of other words.
He'd always wanted to visit another planet, and what better time than right now when his stepfather was calling all the shots and making his life miserable?
Source: Pixabay.com
He arrived at the platform at 1:00 a.m. It was dark. He wasn't used to being out this late.
Seeing the rover sitting on the platform, he jumped the fence not bothering to check whether it was electrified or not.
He was lucky that the night watchman had not turned the lever to it's on position.
A single handle protruded from the unit. With a great deal of force Johnny wedged it open revealing a narrow compartment just big enough for a young boy and his backpack.
There were quite a few buttons and dials. Unfortunately for Johnny one of them activated the launch sequence without outside interference.
Like most young boys, Johnny was all talk. He hadn't actually intended to go into space. Still, now that he was here it was exciting.
He would live on Venus and meet various alien life forms, making new friends that his stepdad couldn't yell at him about.
The journey took 3 days. Johnny was very hungry when he arrived. Touchdown was rough but he survived without injury.
Opening the hatch, Johnny ran outside eager to meet his new companions.
It was 864 degrees Fahrenheit on Venus that afternoon.
They say the grass is always greener on Venus. If you ask me though, I think should try talking to your stepdad before you go running off into outer space.
Note: I'm writing this as an exercise in narration. I'm using very few descriptors and no adverbs. I will rewrite this later tonight and post it using quite a few adverbs and many descriptive words. I will then compare the two.
This exercise is really interesting, maybe I should do it :0
If you decide to do it, link your post here and I will check it out.
Well, I like this one. Now I will go check out the other one.
I'm curious which one you actually like more. You said the difference was huge in the other one but I honestly can't tell which one that I personally like more. It's kind of an interesting thought experiment though isn't it? There are plenty of writers out there that don't include any detail at all. On the other hand there are some that include so much detail that a coffee table takes up 50 pages.
Neither way is correct necessarily.....they're just different.
Different, yes. I think the comment I left on the other style expresses what I think pretty well. But you are right, too many details detract from the story.
"Quickly" is an adverb.
Flagged. Just kidding. Yeah I didn't really edit it I was just writing without being descriptive. I'm going to release the version that is full of descriptive words later this afternoon. It's a writing exercise.
Great.
Already agree，I hope you will pay more attention to my article!