@OriginalWorks Fiction Writing Contest #1: Going Home

in #fiction7 years ago (edited)

This is my entry in @originalworks Fiction Writing Contest. It's a heckuva contest with a 450-word limit and only forty-eight hours to submit an entry. How could I resist?

As a prompt for the contest, the following setup was given:

Two invisible people happen to bump into each other on the street. What happens next!?

I looked into this, as I was certain it must have happened somewhere, sometime. I hope you enjoy the answer I found.




going home.jpg




Going Home

She was there every night, waiting patiently on the little metal bench at the bus stop. I imagined it was patiently. No way to tell really. It wasn’t like I could see her any more than she could see me.

I sat and put my hands on my knees. In a moment I felt her fingernails softly scratching my shoulder. My flesh responded with thousands of tiny goosebumps as her fingers slid between my elbow and shoulder.

The first thing any invisible person figures out is to ditch the clothes. The second thing is to be extremely quiet. Sometimes that can get very hard. Sometimes it’s overwhelming.

“Who are you?”

I meant to whisper but it came out too guttural. Screwed up the first thing I said to her.

She didn’t answer but she grabbed my arm tightly and held it. I covered her hand with mine. I’d never touched her before. Her silence killed me.

“Listen, this is nuts. Nobody can see us. And there’s no one around to hear us. We should try to stay together.”

She pulled her hand away as I heard her stand up. Her feet made little padding noises on the pavement.

“Wait!” I stood and followed the sound of her feet. The sound stopped suddenly and I walked right into her.

There’s no mistaking the feel of bare flesh when you walk into it. We both reached out to steady ourselves. I realized I was holding her under her arm and became acutely aware that she was a woman.

“Why did you leave?”

She held my shoulders, lightly tracing out little circles on my skin with her fingernails. At last I heard her voice.

“Do you know why no one can see us?” She didn’t wait for an answer. “You don’t remember because you’re going back. Remember. Try.”

Her hands slid along my arms until they took my hands in hers.

“We were in an accident. A car ran the light and hit us when we were crossing the street. You remember that now, don’t you?”

I began to remember something… We were celebrating. We’d just found out about the baby!

“I remember… we were having a baby?”

“That’s right! And we were celebrating and walking home when a car ran the light and hit us. It almost killed us both.”

Her hands reached up and found my face. Tears started welling in my eyes.

“But it didn’t. You’re going to live, my love! You’re going to live!”

A soft glow appeared in the air as she spoke. It faded and I knew she was gone. In the distance I thought I heard the sound of a truck backing up. Beep... beep... beep...



Thanks to the wonderful folks at The Writers Block for all the help they've given me on this and other stories. If you're a writer and you haven't joined us yet, what are you waiting for?
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Made me cry @jonknight. But I love it! Excellent.

As always, it loves you too!

You packed a heck of a lot into those words!

Your tutoring in the past is contributing to my future. Thank you @bex-dk!

Sorry I'd missed this one in the queue. But I'm not much of an editor right now iwht my stress level anyway. I didn't even have the courage to try with the 48 hour deadline on this one, so you're wayahead of me. (I also am still not awake enough to type)

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Oh this is good... I like the sadness particularly. Almost killed them both... Well done you!

Thank you! Still, I wish I could do what you do - I lost control reading your story.

its like a love story of you @jonknight and @trishlarimer? sweet :)

i hope not!

Wow! It really pulled me in and ended with a softness that I can't put into words. Loved it. Write more.

okay, i will! hey! get a face!
loves to ya! 🌅