I like what you are experimenting with here, @warpedpoetic.
One thing that is noticeable is the sounds of the environment drop away substantially as the people begin their dialogue. It is a stark contrast, and feels in one way like a zoom lens focusing on the people's interaction to the exclusion of all else, and in another way it left me feeling like you forgot about the sounds of the environment once the people started talking. I hope this is good feedback for you.
Cheers!
Yeah I noticed it too, that is why I think I failed. At the end of the day, the story is about humans and humans must talk. What if they don't? What if everything is about actions and body language? The environment's silence won't seem so out of place. What do you think @mitneb?
@warpedpoetic, I think that it would be a worthwhile and challenging experiment to do a piece sans dialogue. Part of the challenge comes because we are people reading the story, and we connect with the human characters in a way that we don't connect with the other elements. We gravitate towards what is happening with the people more than with the other elements because we are one of them. It's not entirely possible to connect with the other elements in quite the same way, and so the other elements will never be quite as interesting as the people. That's my theory, anyway. It doesn't mean you shouldn't experiment and explore ways of making the environment more tangible and significant. You've got to be skillful with it though. Otherwise it will come off sounding contrived, forced or overdone for the sake of trying to paint a word picture, and that's just boring.
Cheers!
Hmm... You are very correct. I need to think this one through. Thanks ma'am @mitneb