I stare at someone's reflection in the mirror. She wore a white kebaya, her hair was in a bun and decorated with jasmine hanging down her right chest, her lips were red, her cheeks flushed with blush and her eyelids were colored, she was beautiful, very beautiful. But his eyes, anyone who stares at those pairs of eyes will know that there is nothing there, only emptiness, emptiness. The shadow is me, the pair of eyes are mine.
Right now I am in my room which has been decorated in such a way. The sweet scent of flowers pierces the nose. This is my bride. I sat on the side of the bed, staring at the closed door of the room directly opposite me.
From outside the room came a noisy voice, noisy because the people out there were busy preparing the details of the procession of the marriage contract that would be held as soon as my future husband and family were still on their way to arrive.
His name is Rizal, the man who will be my husband. Not much I know about him except he is the son of my father's friend, he is a graduate of UIN Sunan Kalijaga majoring in ... I even forgot what college he majored in, he was a good man according to my father, and was smart, my mother said. The rest I do not know anything. Me and him met three times before I finally decided to marry him after my parents asked me ... ah rather force me.
"I don't really know Rizal." I said a month ago, when my father conveyed his request for me to marry Rizal.
"You will have time to get to know each other after marriage. I know him Za, he's a good man if that's what you're worried about, anyway there's no way I want you to marry an unclear man, right? " I didn't budge.
"Father and Mother never asked anything to you, but this time I asked, if necessary I beg, marry Rizal." Said Dad with a frown and soft voice.
What can I do if Father does, my biggest wish is not to make Father and Mother disappointed. And if not married to Rizal will make them disappointed then I have no other choice, other than to comply with their requests, marry Rizal.
I thought Rizal would also object to the marriage our parents planned but it didn't, he instead said he felt lucky with this arranged marriage.
"Do you know? I think I would still choose you for a proposal if our parents didn't set us up. " He said when we talked on the cell phone a week ago.
The door suddenly opened and then closed again, breaking my daydream. I looked up, he was there staring at me, his tall body leaning against the door.
"You ... you're so beautiful." was the sound right? the voice was scattered like that.
I stand up, my heart beats faster and always so every time I am with this man in front of me, a man I have known for my whole life, my cousin, Dhani.
"What's wrong Dhan?" I was surprised to find my voice no less hoarse.
Dhani approached me, now we are facing, Our distance is very close. I was only as high as his chin and it made me look up if I wanted to look him in the eye.
"I just ..." his voice choked, his eyes filled with tears. before I realized Dhani's hand was on my cheek. My chest began to tighten. We stared at each other. "I never thought it would be this painful." he whispered.
I was shocked when I felt something curled around my waist, Dhani's hand. Yes, Dhani's hand had curled around my waist, pulling me closer to his body.
"Let me do this, just once." my lips moved, wanting to speak but no sound came out when Dhani's lips had landed on my forehead.
I closed my eyes, trying to understand everything, everything that we never talked about but I and Dhani knew that something was there, something that Dhani and I had been avoiding but that never left instead grew even more, throbbing in our breasts. My hands remained on my side, I trembled, my lips began to tremble.
For some time we remained like that, Dhani's hand on my cheek, his other hand on my waist and his lips on my forehead. If clockwork forgot how to move and time freezes in this second, time stops right now, I will never regret it.
Dhani let me go. As soon as I opened my eyes Dhani was within one step of me, and I saw that his cheeks were wet.
"Forgive me." His voice trembled. "Wipe your tears, Za." Dani also did what she told me to, wiping away her tears. He then turned and before turning the algae he said, "I wish you happiness." then the door opened, closed and there was no Dhani in front of me. I tried to remember and digest what had just happened. Without being able to hold back, I cried uncontrollably, my tears in the river ran down my cheeks. And here, right now in my bride room full of flowers, I realized there was something that made me ache, sick. And I know, I will live my tomorrow with this pain in my chest.
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