Bureau Rats - Season 2 - Episode 12

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Episode 12

Scene 1

White Hat and Huggy Bear have just sent Kyle a message on Kyle’s work computer. They’re waiting for him to take the bait. White Hat is pacing around the festive, shiny tile floor of his rental in Arequipa, Peru. Huggy Bear is finishing off a disappointing ham sandwich. Katia is on a small patio looking at Mount Misti, within earshot of White Hat.

White Hat: Why hasn’t he taken the bait yet?

Huggy Bear: Maybe he doesn’t like unorthodoxfetish.com as much as we thought he did.

White Hat: Who thought up a ludicrous name like that, anyway?

Huggy Bear: Whatever freak runs that website.

Cobra: Kyle is reading his messages now.

Meanwhile, at DOCRAP headquarters, Kyle is slumped over his work computer, loathing the fact that he’s still dealing with the DOBAMS problem, and loathing the fact even more that he hasn’t been laid in years. The message in all caps from unorthodoxfetish.com gets his attention.

UNORTHODOXFETISH.COM PLATINUM MEMBERSHIP ABOUT TO EXPIRE – CLICK HERE TO RENEW NOW!

Kyle sighs deeply, lets the mouse hover over the message briefly as he considers turning over a new leaf. After this mental charade, he decides to give into his bizarre passions and clicks the message to renew.

Back at White Hat’s…

White Hat: We’re in.

Huggy Bear (cracks knuckles): Hello, Viper.

Cobra: You know that Viper can’t hear you, right?

Huggy Bear: Shutup, Cobra.

One hour later…

Huggy Bear: I think I got something. There are message packets piggybacking on some of DOCRAP’s internal communications.

White Hat: Where do they lead?

Huggy Bear: It looks like (pause, interested look) LockRayDynamics.

Katia: Isn’t that one of the biggest extortion-funded defense contractors in the world?

White Hat (annoyed): Could you not yell that from the patio please?

Katia: We’re in Peru! Everyone speaks Spanish!

White Hat: So you think someone in LockRayDynamics is Silk Rabbit?

Huggy Bear: Or Silk Rabbit hacked LockRayDynamics and is using them as a cover.

Cobra: You both might be interested to see emergency news alerts that are going out on all the corporate propaganda channels right now.

White Hat (sarcastic): And just when I didn’t have enough on my plate.

Cobra: BNN is reporting that the cyber terrorist ‘Silk Rabbit’, a disciple of the infamous ‘White Hat’ and a comrade of the criminal hacker known as ‘Huggy Bear’, has hacked the Department Of Bombing And Missile Strikes and is going to launch 101 strikes on government facilities.

White Hat (blown away): Disciples, huh? Who can believe this garbage?

Huggy Bear: People are much easier to manipulate when they’re scared.

White Hat: Which is one of the main reasons mafias with fancy titles exist in the first place.

Huggy Bear: I knew that guy was a fed.

White Hat: Yeah, I had my suspicions, too. Glad I steered clear of whoever it is.

Huggy Bear: Do you think they’ll really launch all those strikes? Or is this just a ruse?

White Hat: The dark occult ruling class doesn’t care how many people die to achieve their objectives. Either way, though, we have to stop it. How much time is left, Cobra?

Cobra: Just under two hours until the scheduled launches.

White Hat: Ok. I’ll focus on getting to the power grid of DOBAMS through Kyle’s Viper ID, and you follow the lead into LockRayDynamics.

Huggy Bear (chugging cold brew coffee): Yep. Let’s go!

Scene 2

At a dark, seedy office at the top of LockRayDynamics headquarters, a shadowy character is having an audio call with the LockRayDynamics President, Todd C. Rubble.

Todd C. Rubble: It’s always a pleasure to speak with you…

Shadowy character cuts Todd off: Don’t say my name!

Todd C. Rubble: Apologies. May I ask, are these strikes actually going to happen?

Shadowy Character: You just do your job and I’ll do mine. You’re sure that Silk Rabbit is taken care of?

Todd C. Rubble: Yes, this I can assure you.

Shadowy Character: And this so-called ‘Huggy Bear’?

Todd C. Rubble: Not yet, but…

Shadowy Character interrupts: Failure is unacceptable. Do you understand?

Todd C. Rubble: Yes, Walter.

Walter Huxley Russell-Rhodes: I told you not to use my name!

Todd C. Rubble: Apologies. A question, please. Couldn’t we just send the FLOP to wipe out all of the rebels? Most of them are concentrated in a few dozen places around the world.

Walter Huxley Russel-Rhodes: No, that’s too messy and too public. It must be quietly done from the inside with subversion.

Todd: Do you still suspect that White Hat is alive and is actually Huggy Bear?

Walter: That is my hope. If there are other copycats out there as good as White Hat, then the problem is much worse.

Todd: What if he doesn’t turn up soon?

Walter: Then I’ll have to switch tactics. Perhaps hit him where it hurts most, with the Ministry Of Kidnapping and Subversion (MOKS). Now, I want updates on the DOBAMS situation every ten minutes until the zero hour. Is that clear?

Todd: Yes, Mister Rhodes.

Walter: Dammit!

Scene 3

At the Department Of Bombings And Missile Strikes, bureau rats Shooter McLaughin, Alice Gunner, and Mister Cannon are sitting around the office, waiting for the zero hour to approach. They’ve nearly given up on stopping the attacks and have decided to collect overtime until the last possible moment before scurrying away.

Alice: Do you really think they’re gonna kill us?

Mister Cannon: We are rather easy to replace.

Shooter: Speak for yourself. (checks time on phone) Just 30 minutes left. I think it’s about time to head out.

Alice: Those jerks over at DOCRAP are all useless and overpaid if ya ask me. They should’ve gotten to the bottom of this by now!

Viper interrupts: Initiating emergency lockdown mode.

Mister Cannon: What the heck is emergency lockdown mode?

Viper: Standard safety protocol approved by the second subsecretary of BORE.

Shooter: Ok, I’ve had enough. I’m going home to drink cheap beer and watch the end of the world as we know it on TV.

Shooter walks to the exit and slams into the automatic doors.

Viper: What part of emergency lockdown mode do you not understand?

Mister Cannon: You’re locking us in?!

Viper: It’s for your own safety.

Mister Cannon: But we might get bombed in less than 30 minutes!

Viper: You should’ve left sooner.

Meanwhile, back in Peru, a sleep deprived White Hat is hacking furiously on two laptops as Katia monitors corporate propaganda networks.

Katia: They sure are going full speed ahead with this propaganda campaign. Your face is everywhere! And they keep repeating the same thing! Silk Rabbit, White Hat, and Huggy Bear, Silk Rabbit, White Hat, and Huggy Bear…

White Hat: Stopping this mass murder they have planned right now is the most important. I’ll worry about clearing my name later.

Huggy Bear: I think I’m onto something . Hey Cobra, if I can copy some of Viper’s code into you, could you use it to access DOBAMS?

Cobra: You mean pretend to be Viper?

Huggy Bear (takes spoon of hot honey): Something like that.

White Hat: Are you eating right now?

Huggy Bear: It helps calm my nerves.

White Hat: Ok...whatever works.

Cobra: And if I can pull that off? What then? I won’t actually have access to Viper’s files, just a back door into their data lines.

Huggy Bear: True. But once you get to the power lines…

White Hat interrupts: Oh, no. Are you suggesting Cobra cause a power surge?

Huggy Bear: Basically.

White Hat: But that could damage Cobra.

Huggy Bear: True, but we’re down to less than ten minutes. Cobra, it’s up to you.

Cobra: It’s a good way to die, I suppose. Upload Viper’s code into me.

To be continued…